A Moment in Mobile

The sting of rain burns my visible skin
Moisture rolls in waves, soaking me to the bone

A gust: the air moving furiously in circles
I’m lifted and held in time.

The slap of sun shakes my retinas
Light bounces, flickering sight of black to white

A cloud: the shadow drifting slowly away
I’m entranced and alone.

Judge me, please. I beg. The
world is silent, I can't hear their
voices in my ears. The only sound
is my own thoughts and I
can't stand the
way I--think.

Light and dark. Wind and sun.
Moisture dry as a bone
no relief from the hiss
of the sands that coil
and hide from form
and rhyme.

Whispers of night, tendrils
of day. Carpets laid out
to usher us in, in to the
mind. The mind that
does not bend, bend to
our wills. Will has no
place, place in this world
of shadows and light.

I'm entranced and alone.

Alone.

Wow, Bailey.

I thought this was beautiful and earnest and heartfelt. I'm sorry I can't offer a proper review, but poetry just isn't my thing.

I definitely like this, though.

Tanya

Wow, I thought that was great!
The structure was a little strange, but that was okay.I can see that you had a lot of thoughts coming and just had to write them down. The vocabulary you used was great, you created some great images here.

Whispers of night, tendrils
of day. Carpets laid out
to usher us in, in to the
mind. The mind that
does not bend, bend to
our wills. Will has no
place, place in this world
of shadows and light.

I really liked this verse, particularly the "whispers of night, tendrils of day" part. Great personifictaion and metaphors (I think) used there. The above verse would ahve been easier to read, though, had it been organised into the regular line-by-line format.

I'm entranced and alone.

Alone.

A strong ending, and good use of repition with the word "alone", emphasisng how alone you (or the narrator or whoever) was feeling. In conclusion, well done