Turmoil

I saw you,
guilt pounded in my stomach.
Your flaxen hair wound around your head,
falling to your knees with disguised anguish.
Your eyes are pools of light,
beautiful and sorrowful.
What I said was wrong,
I knew when I saw your face fall.
The words wrung in my mind,
I asked if you were mad.
I knew you weren't,
you were sad.
The next day I saw you,
I told you I loved you.

Hehe. I liked this poem. It was sweet and devilish at the same time. However, I think there are some things that could be made longer. What did you say to him? You have good description but maybe you should describe the setting as well. Poetry is fairly hard to nitpick but my opinion in green.

I saw you,
and*guilt pounded in my stomach.
Your flaxen hair wound around your head,
falling to your knees with disguised anguish.
Your eyes are pools of light,
beautiful and sorrowful.
What I said was wrong,
I knew it^when I saw your face fall.
The words wrung in my mind,
I asked if you were mad.
I knew you weren't,
you were sad.
The next day I saw you,
I told you I loved you.

*= My mind just kept putting that in there. Makes more sense, no?
^= the word that would work to. It's the same deal as above.

Other than that great job!

Love,
Crafty

AWWWWWWW thanks craftywriter. I leave out word sometimes. I can skip entire paragraphs when I read and know exactly what happened with detail. I guess my mind just does that when I write sometimes with transfer words

I really liked it, it reminded me of the mistakes I've made with the people I loved, so it was a bit of a downer for me, but that's alright. The last line, kind of lifted my heart a bit, it made me glad you tried to fix it, so good job!

Actually this is from a guys point of veiw. Not mine.

Recoil is from my point of veiw.

And I just wrote Bleed for the heck of it

Hey! I like the simplicity of this poem. One thing I noticed was that it is all in past tense and then you say: "Your eyes are pools of light, / beautiful and sorrowful" and I'm not sure if you want to change the "are" to "were", unless her eyes are always sorrowful pools of light. I like how it ends, quite suddenly and final. Also, I think if all of your lines were roughly the same length, it would flow a bit better. But a good, relatable poem.

I love this one! It was really creative. (Not to mention better than some I've written. )

really good poem! end of story.