Ramblings of a dead heart.

Fear? Who is afraid?
It's only in my head
What's to fear?
if you're stone cold
buried under earth and rubble
Where nothing is felt.

Sadness? I don't believe in it.
It belongs to the weak
who weep and cry
over everything.

Anger? Just push it down.
Don't give it control.
Fight it, bury it.
Don't let it exist.

Love? What is love?
Is it a person?
Is it a place?
I know nothing of it.
I'm dead remember?
Then how can i love?
How can I love...

(I don't know why i wrote this.I don't know where it came from.I just...wrote it.)

july4ruby wrote:Fear? Who is afraid?
It's only in my head. I don't understand what this line is trying to say.
What's to fear?
If you're stone cold,
buried under earth and rubble,
Where nothing is felt. Too straightforward. Try being metaphoric here.

Sadness? I don't believe in it.
It belongs to the weak,
who weep and cry
over everything. "Cry over everything" is pretty cliched.

Anger? Just push it down.
Don't give it control.
Fight it, bury it.
Don't let it exist. Too many "don't"'s.

Love? What is love?
Is it a person?
Is it a place?
I know nothing of it.
I'm dead, remember? Don't say this so bluntly. Give subtle hints of it here and there.
Then how can I love? I would get rid of the "then."
How can I love.... Not so sure about this ending. Consider changing it.

This is a fabulous piece. You expertly craft the emotion and atmosphere. Great job! Keep it up.

-Kafka

Good, but needs more figurative language, but still good without.

I enjoyed this! Keep up the good work. I'd love to see you expand this into a lyrical story of progression of some kind.

Amazing. Though sadness is not so bad if you enjoy it. (You wo'nt really understand what I just said unless you check my poem The Happiness of Sadness in 'other poetry') Awesome poem. Love the way you described it in full.

Very brief, very fulfilling though. I liked the idea, liked the imagry. Though it could use a small bit more imagry. I loved the idea after the last line. At the time I read it, I almost read over what you said. Saying it twice was very nice, very thought-provoking.
Great going here! I liked this very much, thanks for sharing it!

I like how you used repetition in this piece, I think it sounds really good. The narrator sounds like a really cold person 9well I suppose you would be, if you were dead). But it doesn't really make much sense for someone to be saying all of this if they're just in the ground, and how could they be thinking it? But what if they were a ghost, and they were looking at everyone else still alive, and upset that they couldn't be loved again or be involved in someone else's life in an emotional way, or something. Just an idea to give your poem a little more of a plot/reason behind why the person is saying what they are saying. But yeah, I like it.

This a good piece! It surely has a lot of potential! However, it can be greatly improved/expanded!

Agreeing with Kafkaescence, I think you should consider modifying your conclusion; it's seems like a bit of a cliffhanger. I would've loved to know if you either overcame upon your situation, or not! However, it's hard to determine due to that cliffhanger. Also, perhaps you could experiment with more imagery, and "show" more rather then "tell?" Imagery is an issue I have for a lot of my own writings, so please, I am by no means trying to be a hard critic when it's reflected upon myself as well!

Other then that, the 1st stanza gave me chills, and appealed to me the most! Keep it up!