When I was young

I wrote this in about 10 minuites so it's not very good (to me anyway), any suggestions would be great.

Being little was so fun,
I used to play and run,
And pick up lots of bugs,
Then drag dirt over rugs.
Maybe play peek-a-boo,
And I couldn't tie my shoe.

Perhaps it is just me,
But it does seem to be,
More fun when you're still small,
Than when you're big and tall.

Being little was so fun,
I used to play and run,
And pick up lots of bugs,
Then drag dirt over rugs.
Maybe play peek-a-boo,
And I couldn't tie my shoe.

Perhaps it is just me,
But it does seem to be,
More fun when you're still small,
Than when you're big and tall.

Hey! It was a nice poem, however, your rhymes were small. I could pretty much tell what you were going to rhyme before I read the next line. Your last paragraph is a run on sentence as well. You should work with the words some more. Your line " I used to play and run," was something I feel I have read lots of times before.
Play with your words! Take some more time on the poem!

Hope I helped! If you have any questions PM me!

Hey! I really like this poem. It sounds very young and cute! I think that's because of the rhyming - like Boo said, we could tell what you were going to rhyme your words with because they are very simple rhyming words. That's okay if young and cute was what you were going for, though. But if you want, you don't have to rhyme at all! You have a good idea to write a poem about and I think if you added more description, more ideas and made it a bit longer, it would be even better. Have fun writing!

Hey cupcake!

This poem just screamed cuteness to me! However, I think the rhyming took away from the poem and made some of the lines awkward. Other than that, I agree with the previous reviewer that more description would help your poem, too.

The best way to correct awkward phrasing is to just read it aloud to yourself. That way you can improve the flow of your poem and it'll make for easier reading. Also, poetry doesn't have to rhyme! There's lots of poetry that doesn't rhyme and still retains its poetic sense. Maybe next time you're writing poetry, try experimenting and focus on something else like rhythm. As for your description, pick out words and try replacing them with adjectives or other similar nouns. Just remember, the best way to improve is practice, practice practice!

Best of luck with your future poetry!

~Selene

Hello! I don't review much poetry, mostly because I'm not sure how poetry should be properly constructed, but I will try my best.

Your rhyme scheme is very simple, an ABAB ryhme scheme if I remember correctly. "...fun...run...bugs...rugs..." There is nothing really too extravagant about this, but rather than be simple and uniteresting I feel as if this is just simple enough. It's a cute little poem that is true to everyone who wants to grow young again. It is more fun when you're young and growing up is really not much fun.

Too make a otherwise long story short, I really liked this poem. It was very cute and made me smile a bit. I'm not really an expert on poetry, and I know this isn't the most spectacular thing, but I thought it was amazing. Keep up the good work.

ReiseP.

I like your poem! Its short and sweet and cute too. I also strongly agree with it. I miss my childhood!

But I do recommend some spaceing. I mean like you have only two stanzas, both with different amounts of lines. Poetry should be evenly spaced and organized. I suggest makeng a stanza if every two lines, the ones that rhyme. That way it looks and even sounds better as you read it alowed.

Keep in writing!
-Ruth

For a ten minute write, this was pretty good. Everything rymed, and it followed along greatly. It tells what is really true, and I like that!

CassidyRose

Hey! I like you poem! Short and simple but the rhyme makes it cute and reminds the reader that it's about when you were young.

Apart from that, I don't really have anything to say. Just keep 'em coming

Hello!

A lot of rhyming poems I review would tend to work better without rhyme, but I genuinely think it works here! Your overall tone was a very cutesy one, and this works extremely well with the rhyming you've got going on. I don't think you need to make it more complicated or sophisticated, it really works as it is.

However, one thing you might want to do here is expand on what you're writing. If you managed to do this in ten minutes, then try spending a little longer on it and seeing what you can come up with that will build upon what you've written and take it to a better level. Try to retain the cute tone though - it's lovely.

-Amy

Hey, thanks for the reviews guys! I'll keep working on what you have said with my other work.
-Cupcake

Most poems written in ten minutes aren't going to be amazing but no worries, that's what re-drafting is for! Having said that, I think this isn't half bad. You could use some more original images of childhood, something from your own that others can relate to but that has a personal twist as well to make the poem more unique. For example, at the moment you talk of picking up bugs, but what did you do with them? You could add a few lines to describe each action, for example, I'd put something in about racing ladybugs up the slide because my siblings and I used to do that.

Also, you could add in a few lines about what's bad or not so good about being big. All the bills to pay, the new responsibilities. At the moment the poem is quite one sided so hearing the bad things about being tall would be good too! You could even make it funny and mention how tall people can't hide in the laundry basket because they're too big or under the bed because they get stuck and cramped.

Just a few quick ideas. Nice poem though and I wish you all the best of luck with your next one!

Heather xxx