Where I sit

Where I sit
By The Codex

Books litter the floor
The swivel chair is piled high with junk
Right beside the door

A calendar, old
All sorts of clothes to fold

Lemon Pledge and a lamp
A notebook with a stamp

The floor needs a vacuum
The wood needs a dusting
The closet is what
Most would call disgusting

Cups sit in the corner
So do some crates
A faded blue binder
Marked up with dates

Stuffed animals sit
All over the bed
So does a bobble head
With a crack in it’s head

Maybe I should start cleaning
Though it’s boring to the core
I sit and ponder this
Maybe I’ll write a just little more.

Books litter the floor
The swivel chair is piled high with junk this line is too long
Right beside the door

A calendar, old
All sorts of clothes to fold I relate.

Lemon Pledge and a lamp
A notebook with a stamp Stamp seems like it's just thrown in for the rhyme

The floor needs a vacuum
The wood needs a dusting
The closet is what
Most would call disgusting haha :]

Cups sit in the corner
So do some crates Where do you live? A warehouse? If not, delete
A faded blue binder
Marked up with dates Seems like a disorganized person would not keep a date book? Forced rhyme feeling.

Stuffed animals sit perhaps you should change sit to lie. Because Sit indicates they're deliberately placed and a bobble head wouldn't be...
All over the bed
So does a bobble head
With a crack in it’s head nice description

Maybe I should start cleaning
Though it’s boring to the core 'to the core' sounds awkward. I'd change it to 'though it's a boring chore' or something along those lines
I sit and ponder this
Maybe I’ll write a just little more. Haha, nice ending

Thanks for the critique Yes, some of the things are put in for the rhyme, I think that's sort of the point. The notebook did actually have a stamp on the cover, ha ha.

I like this, it's simple and has a humour about itself.
true some of the rhyme is obviously forced but it isn't that bad.
I also like how you've taken something as mundane as cleaning and turned it into an interesting good piece. I'd like to see what else you can produce, keep up the good work.

First off, I loved this It's an amazing summary of the famous procrastination of a writer.

Books litter the floor
The swivel chair is piled high with junk
Right beside the door

A calendar, old
All sorts of clothes to fold

Lemon Pledge and a lamp
A notebook with a stamp

The floor needs a vacuum
The wood needs a dusting
The closet is what
Most would call disgusting I adore this stanza, it made me giggle.

Cups sit in the corner
So do some crates Crates?
A faded blue binder
Marked up with dates

Stuffed animals sit
All over the bed
So does a bobble head
With a crack in it’s head These last two lines could use some work. I think the bobble head having a crack is a cute image, but I think repeating 'head' as a rhyme is a bit of a sloppy excuse for a rhyme.
Maybe I should start cleaning
Though it’s boring to the core Maybe, it's 'boring to do more'? 'To the core' sounds a little off.
I sit and ponder this
Maybe I’ll write a just little more.

I liked this poem but one thing that I really noticed and was evident was the rhyme scheme and meter. You changed up the rhyme scheme quite a few times, such as a couplet to a limerick style to abab. It confused me. As for the meter, there were lines that were too long and didn't fit with the overall transition in the poem.

I liked your idea for the poem however; it amused me. You have a promising future as a poem writer and your works are very original. Keep writing!

I liked this poem because it reminded me of the awful state my room is in I totally get what you mean though, I would much rather write all day than clean my room. I liked that the poem doen't take tself too seriosly, it isn't the best poem but it certainly put a smile on my face I haven't got any advice really because this just looks like something you wrote for fun more than anything. Good luck with your writing ad thankyou for posting this poem xxMatt

Ok, here is a great, great poem that is warm and fun and makes me smile. So, first of all I am going to have to say that I am sorry I couldn't figure out where the stanza breaks were in the copied poem below. And, now I'm going to do the nit-picks. Sorry. Red means editing is needed, green means I like it, blue means that it is my comments about the nearest red or green mark. Oh, and nice rhyme throughout the whole thing.

Books litter the floor
The swivel chair is piled high with junkOk, this is too long, and it distracts from the flow of the whole thing.
Right beside the door
A calendar, old
All sorts of clothes to fold
Lemon Pledge and a lamp
A notebook with a stamp
The floor needs a vacuumSay vacuuming here instead of "a vacuum". It makes more sense.
The wood needs a dusting
The closet is what
Most would call disgusting Awesome rhyme here. That must have been hard to think of! But, just careful with the syllables.
Cups sit in the corner
So do some crates
A faded blue binder
Marked up with dates
Stuffed animals sit You just said this word above when talking about cups. Replace it with something else.
All over the bed
So does a bobble head
With a crack in it’s headSorry, but you can't use head twice!
Maybe I should start cleaning
Though it’s boring to the core
I sit and ponder this
Maybe I’ll write a just little more.Take this out to make the ryhme perfect. Also, great ending. It made me smile and laugh out loud. I love it!

So, fanatsic poem you have here. Sorry I couldn't put green on every word that wasn't red, but that' s hard. So, just know I loved it and can't wait ot read more of you're writing. Bye!
-Cammie

Humorous and explains the situation of most bedrooms. I like the poem's descriptiveness and voice. It has a very good rhyme scheme and the rhythm is cool.

boring to the core

sounds hilarious! Though, as you have gotten this more times than you would appreciate already, I wouldn't use head twice in two lines as you did in

So does a bobble head
With a crack in it’s head

Other than that, very awesome!