Feelings

4 posts
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silentriot
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 1
Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:04 pm
silentriot says... · Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:04 pm
Feelings, what are they?
They are the most loyal emotions
And you 'feel' them everyday
The most trusting of notions

You must listen to them,
For they speak the truth
If you don't, then they will
become your worst enemy

I don't understand why
Women have so many, really
Is it to distinguish them from men
Or is that how its meant to be?
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Tommybear
Gender None specified
Points 605
Reviews 75
Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:43 pm
Tommybear says... · Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:43 pm
I enjoyed this poem, but it feels like this is only about twenty-five percent of the full story. I advise, continue the journey through your thoughts! It doesn't feel full in the current format, but it does open up several interesting thought-invoking conversational pieces. Keep it up.
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Galerius
Gender Female
Points 33318
Reviews 382
Fri Jan 21, 2011 12:27 am
Galerius says... · Fri Jan 21, 2011 12:27 am
Hi silentriot,

So I can feel feelings, huh?

Guess that about sums up the intellectual prowess of this piece. You've clearly attempted to grasp everything ad nothing here, stuffing this bird with inane statements like those in the first stanza, the usage of all five senses like a machine gun round in the second stanza, and gender roles - for some reason - in the third stanza.

This is much below childish in its scope and presentation. Try again.

Hope that helped,
Galerius
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Kwantack
Gender Female
Points 3354
Reviews 111
Fri Jan 21, 2011 11:22 pm
Kwantack says... · Fri Jan 21, 2011 11:22 pm
Whoa, the rhyming in this is spectacular!! The questions give it depth and I think the flow is really good. Some poems lack flow terribly (like my own...grr...) I enjoyed reading this and you did a nice job overall. The first line especially is really good. Well done and Keep writing!
"The only bad ideas are the ones never tried." - Puck, The Sisters Grimm
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4 posts


I was flummoxed by fractious Franny's decision to abrogate analgesics for the moribund victims of the recent conflagration. Of course, to display histrionics was discretionary, but I did so anyways, implicating a friend in my drama to make the effect cumulative. I think a misanthrope would have a prosaic appellation, perhaps one related to autonomy and the rejection of anthropocentrism. I think they wouldn't think much of the prominence of watching the coagulation of tea to prognosticate future malevolent events, not even if those events were related to jurisprudence.
— Spearmint