Lifeline

You’re tracing thoughts into the lines of my palms,
soft, gentle, HARD, digging your nails into the wrinkled
life-line like a switchblade cat-claw, declaring in a voice
that I thought I’d forgotten
“WRONG,” and looking into me, deep, deep,
until I realize that you aren’t seeing me at all,
you’re seeing yourself and the bitterness that you thought you’d lost
somewhere in the back of my car when we started talking again,
but it’s there in your eyes
that are looking at their reflections in mine--

and you dig your nail further, pressing, piercing, trying so hard to find my
blood, to find my bone, trying so hard to sever that line,
to kill all that which is weighing on your mind--
and I let you, I look up at you and watch you hate yourself
and take the pain and ignore the blood rearing its head at my inaction,
welling and racing down to the floor,
and I let you find yourself somewhere in my death.

I liked, if not loved, this poem. You have a good rhythm, a good idea, and good imagery. Here are my critiques:

you’re tracing thoughts into the lines of my palms, "You're" should be capitalized.
soft, gentle, HARD, digging your nails in the wrinkled 1) Change "HARD" to "then merciless," and 2) "in" should be "into."
life-line like a switchblade cat-claw, declaring in a voice
that I thought I’d forgotten
“WRONG,” and looking into me, deep, deep, Change "WRONG" to "no."
until I realize that you aren’t seeing me at all,
you’re seeing yourself and the bitter that you thought you’d lost "Bitter" is an adjective, and you can only lose nouns.
somewhere in the back of my car when we started talking again,
but it’s there in your eyes
that are looking at their reflections in mine--

The second stanza was fabulous. Keep up the good work!

Wow, I like this, you always post good work.
Its emotional and quite Dark I think.
Though would of really liked to have been able to of read more, like it has a good strong pace but could of worked better as a kind of build up to a stronger climax if more was added.
The structure is good though, its like a story almost not a poem.
A strong piece.
Well done!

Persephoneia wrote:You’re tracing thoughts into the lines of my palmssemicolon...maybe?
soft, gentle, HARD, digging your nails into the wrinkled This criticism is a bit one-sided, because I personally just don't like caps in poetry. Something about it just sounds/looks/feels... out of place. That been said, I would suggest changing this, but that's just me. Obviously you don't have to if you feel it fits right.
life-line like a switchblade cat-claw, declaring in a voice ohh, haven't seen that one before. Like
that I thought I’d forgotten
“WRONG,” and looking into me, deep, deep, Again, wierd all caps thing. Regarding "deep, deep," repeating words is fine in poetry, and most times it serves to enhance whatever effect you're going for. I think this worked fine, though "deep" perhaps isn't the greatest word choice, especially in light of your brilliant vocabulary.
until I realize that you aren’t seeing me at all, love.
you’re seeing yourself and the bitterness that you thought you’d lost This may have been intentional, but I think this sounds a bit repetitive after you already said "I thought I'd forgotten" earlier in the poem.
somewhere in the back of my car when we started talking again,
but it’s there in your eyes
that are looking at their reflections in mine-- I really love this line.

and you dig your nail further, pressing, piercing, trying so hard to find my
blood, to find my bone, trying so hard to sever that line, I like the use of the commas here. In my opinion it adds to the image of the nail digging deeper into your skin.
to kill all that which is weighing on your mind--
and I let you, I look up at you and watch you hate yourself Something about this wording is a bit awkward. "I look up at you and watch you hate yourself"... it may be because you say "you" so many times, I'm not sure.
and take the pain and ignore the blood rearing its head at my inaction,
welling and racing down to the floor, I want to bold this and say "I absolutely looove this line," but the text is already bolded. /sigh. le fail.
and I let you find yourself somewhere in my death. I like the ending, though the strength doesn't really match the rest of the piece. Especially coming after the amazing line before it.

Overall, I think this is pretty good. It sounds a bit different than usual... I can't put my finger on why, but it doesn't sound like your usual style for some reason. Or I could just be really tired right now, because it's one in the morning. Either way. You're still awesome as ever.