Your Dream

These lights we see,
These skyscrapers,
Is this success?
Is this our life?
Will we never again
Sit together,
Cradled by the
Lustrous sunset?
That was the love
I thought you wanted.
Not this.

Are there stars here?
No, only bulbs,
Only a cluttered
Apartment room.
This was your dream,
Not mine.

Wow, a beautiful piece of poetry.
I love the imagery in it, and also yet again its simple yet powerful.
I love:

Cradled by the
Lustrous sunset?

Its so amazing. I love how its gorgeous imagery is provoking a almost sexual thrill. Its epic.
I seriously think you should carry on writing about this, its so beautiful and I cant wait to read more.
Well done!

Another great poem...
You get better and better....
I love this one...
A great idea for the poem and perfectly executed too...
Its short and good but it can be even better if you try to lengthen it a bit...
Keep up the great work mate...

This is a great poem. The imagery of beautiful, then dark, confusion and un-satisfaction is great. I am left not knowing the answer, but that puts me where the writer is, and that's a good style. there is no dramatic irony, and I am left to feel all the above chaos. Normally I don't like these kinds of poems, but your structure and word choice (along with small, yet vivid descriptions) caught my attention. This may not have been your intent, but keep all this in mind the next time you write

I really ejoyed this piece. I liked the way you ended it, with 'This was your dream,
Not mine.' that bit alone resonates well with me.

Always Keep Writing.

Greetings I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer for today. This critique will be harsh I'm afraid but it's over there as a way to improve you, not attack you personally. So on to the review.

If I could think of a word to describe this I'd use one term Pretentious. It's like it's trying to be better than most of us, it doesn't feel genuine or even emotive. I can't even put into words how it feels, to put it bluntly I cheated with such grandiose gestures and sweeping wording I expected some beyond a piece that just screams 'I'm a Hipster'. A series of words placed in such a complex way doesn't accentuate a good or provocative poem without the use of emotion or imagery. You lack any structure if it wasn't for the sheer ego of this piece it would fall flat on it face. Then we come to the question part of this piece, if you're trying to be introspective you fail.

You're talking about love but have no emotion just a series of platitudes -- it doesn't make me feel. This poem is essentially style over substance and it doesn't work, you come across as whiny and hugely pretentious.

Overall: I wish could be nice, but when you lack imagery or even emotion a poem like this is just one thing pretentious.

Hope this helps.

Hey Kafk!

I like this poem in its simplicity. You've taken a very basic thought and laid it on the page without all the extra frills. I think maybe it's a little too bare though. Taking it line by line I found it a little difficult to read, so I had to slow down to the point where I was basically reading prose at snailpace. Perhaps you could expand it a bit more.

You've given mild, vague fragments of imagery, but I reckon you can do a whole lot better than that. These little images of lights and skyscrapers, expand them more. Are these skyscrapers old and crumbly, or are they new age monstrocities that break through the sky. They're probably neither, but if you exaggerate you'll create a much stronger image.

I say hold on very tight to what you have here, take this as a skeleton, and flesh it out more. That, and keep up the good work

short sweet and to the point, very powerful and great use of imagery that not only lets readers see the setting but also lets us feel the emotions involved in this poem:)

I agree with Lily, it's very good and I love the sexual feel of it. And I love how it pretty much disses cities and says that nature in general is better. I don't know if that's what one of your points was, but that's how I kind of felt you were trying to get across.

Wow...this is a very very pretty piece of poetry. You have a knack for painting a picture.

The only think I would possibly change and it really doesn't have to, is a new word for "lustrous sunset". I don't know why, it's just the word "lustrous" that doesn't seem to fit with the flow of the poem. Does it describe it wonderfully? Yes. But does it really fit...that's your decision. You don't have to change anything, just a suggestion!

Keep on writin'