The Museum of Dark Artifacts

Inside this silhouette,
You will observe your wrack.
You are the prey here. Flee, it is
Something that is lacked
In that which awaits.

Beware, for you may find
That glory ceases to exist
When the terror claws at your
Flesh, and when there is no love in our kiss,
There can only be doom's hate.

The soulless shadows
Breathe their vengeful
Warnings into your ear, but to escape this
Abyss, you must annul
The rancor that lies inside you.

And when you descend these stairs,
You find that each scream
Brings you closer to what is
Destined; and what may seem
To kill may be your most vital ally.

In this void, you must look closely,
For the signs of this monster's tears.
The mist above your icy lips;
The darkness makes it disappear
Into the artifacts you must not desecrate.

No, for it is a statue,
Frozen in this rip in time,
Designed to fall into the death
That it thought it was. It is springtime
In this unending paradox.

But the monster, in its fragile state, smiles,
As it disappears into the eternal wind;
And you leave. There is sun outside.

Well I loved, if not absolutely adored this poem, until the very end. I think it could have a much more deeper ending with a chance at "prodegy poem" status. I would fix the ending. I love this poem. It is deep and mysterious and unforthcoming. If the reader opens him/herself to this poem and looks at their own life to see what is hidden down there, this can be extremely touching and even therapudic. However, I think the ending is an instant gratification that takes away from a potential masterpiece that was just unfinished. Now, I see you are 13 years old. That is amazing. You truly are gifted in every way, beyond my own talents. However, the lackluster ending is taking a way from a masterpiece painting. It's like a horrible ending to a great movie. Or a horrible wedding after dreaming of it for years. I love this poem though. Please consider revising unless you have a reason not to. If you have reasoning, please let me know. I would like to understand deeper.

First off, I have a question: why is it that some poets capitalize the first letter of every line? I don't mean I have a problem with it, it's just that I don't see what the point is.

Anyway - very, for lack of a better word, dark piece. While reading through I felt as if I were looking through a black lense that made things difficult to see. While some parts of this sounded a bit choppy in my head, the overall image is great.

Kafkaescence wrote:This silhouetted chandelier,
The blackest of light.
For if you wish to leave this
Abyss, you must ignite
The rancor that lies inside you.

I like this. My only problem is 1) blackest of light is a fairly common phrase (I'll admit that I use it from time to time as well), so you may want to try and find an alternative way of saying that line. Also, the transition from the first sentence to the sentence that follows is slightly awkward. I understand the sentence that begins with "For," but it took me a while to understand the significance of the two lines before it.

Kafkaescence wrote: Flee, it is
Something that is lacked
In that which awaits.

I understand what you're saying, although it's worded a bit vague. I'm assuming, though, that "it" is the prey (you) and "in that which awaits" is the darker chambers below.

Kafkaescence wrote:And when you descend these stairs,
You find that each scream
Brings you closer to what is
Destined. And what may seem
To kill may be your most vital ally.

I like the foreshadowing in this. I would take out the "and" in the beginning of the stanza, though, and remove the period after "destined" so that the sentence continues on. Also, I'm a bit confused about the wording of the last two lines in this.

Kafkaescence wrote:In this void, you must look closely,
For the signs of this monster's tears.
The mist above your icy lips
The darkness makes it disappear
Into the artifacts you must not desecrate.

Take out the comma after "closely." Also, your third line is awkward in the stanza because I'm not really sure where it's meant to go... is it supposed to continue the first two lines, or is it the beginning of a new sentence?
And I really like the last two lines of this: "The darkness makes it disappear into the artifacts you must not desecrate." Fantastic word choice

Kafkaescence wrote:That it thought it was

Don't really know what "it" is...?

Try to make your ending a little more powerful, and perhaps a bit more clear. Just a suggestion.

I hope I didn't come off as too harsh... if so, please let me know. I only say this because if I got a review that ripped my writing to shreds, part of me would probably be upset. I'm not saying that I ripped yours to shreds (at least I hope I didn't), but again, I'm just making sure I didn't come off as harsh or anything. This is an awesome poem; you have a smooth idea flowing throughout the piece, and you definitely have your images down. It's just the way you worded some of your lines/punctuation that threw me off Which is common. In fact, I'm finding more errors in my review than I found in your poem, so maybe I shouldn't be saying anything. Excellent write, and keep it up!

I do prefer this ending to the first! What just popped into my mind, "How cool would it be if the ending was on the Darkest of Dark artifacts w/in each of us, or had a sequel where the Darkest of Dark finds us because we each have one."
I thought you may like that idea. Let me know!, but i do like the change.

Great work, very nice. To me, the poem seems to be about how life is unpredictable, darkness around every corner, little light escaping from cloudy skies. Everything happens, seeming to be a paradox, and within everyone of us there is an impulse of darkness, one that many get pulled into.

I believe the rough ending fits. Life turns in abrupt ways, unexplainable, your battling dark forces within the crevices of yourself, and the next instant, you are escaping into the sky, past the dark clouds, running from yourself. Basically looking into sunny skies.

--Shadowknight155

Loved the rhythm, very good. Other people have already corrected what was wrong so all I have left to say is: fantastic poem, I love the feeling of it and how it seems to get loud and quiet in turn as you read.

Loved it!