Why?

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Hi, hope this is in the right place. It's not lovey lovey stuff. But it's, Romancy."




Oh, Evelyn. Why? That's what i ask. You never gave me an answer.

Our love is...Was like a fiery red rose. Beautiful, yet painful when handled incorrectly. And to quote a Michael Jackson lyric, "Like a comet blazing 'cross the evening sky....Gone Too Soon." Our marriage was sublime, but gone too soon.

Remember the warmth of the evening when we first met , the sun setting from behind me, it was like a 1000 little radiators on my back. The swollen circle of light in the clear blue sky our only witness. Just me and you, you and me. I thought it was forever. But maybe it was forever only in my dreams.

When we embraced i could feel your heart hammering like a hummingbirds wings. It was a gently embrace, perhaps i thought you were as fragile as an actual hummingbird? Certainly in your mind you were.

We were so warm.

Why are you so cold now?

Your voice, silky and seductive voice whispered in my ear. I pulled back.Do you remember, so i could see your angelic face. Warm supple inviting red lips and your blue eyes, blue as the clear sky in the still setting sun not a cloud in sight. But.

Why are your eyes so cloudy now?

I had lifted my hand to caress your plump cheek, you had a bashful smile on your face (a you want me, come get me smile. Oh, how i hated that in the coming years)

You took my hand, took me by surprise, and plucked it gracefully, casually in fact as if you were picking a ripened orange from a tree. And placed my hand, no moldedit over your firm right breast. Those were the days, when our love was a raging bonfire and not just a flickering ember. An ember that i lonely tried to maintain, but you were like a fire engine. Continuously, coming and extinguishing my flame.

Our love blossomed, growing slowly like one of your wattles in the front garden. But alas, like your tree. I was cut down, burned, cheated out of a life and a home.

Evelyn, everyone's time comes eventually i suppose.

Our marriage was spectacular, wouldn't you say? No kids, no friends and no life. Of course, I'm speaking about my side of the marriage. Yours was alright, especially in the latter years.

Where's your kid now, Evelyn. With daddy?

We were so open and free. No secrets then.

No more secrets now Evelyn. Well just one. You know, just keep it between you and me. You were good at secrets, I'll give you that. And in bed.

Why don't you say something now Evelyn? Your silver tongue, that cut me more than a knife could ever do.

My blood was on your hands, you killed me Evelyn. All i knew was you, all i loved was you.

Do you love?

But now your blood is on my hands. A lot of your blood is on my hands, shirt, slacks and not to mention the walls. Your Hubby has a lot of work to do when he get's home.

My won't he miss, the bedroom antics. Oh, poor him.

Bye, Evelyn. Nice talking, we haven't had a face to face for so long.

Oh, your daughters home.

She's a sweet kid Evelyn. She looks like you. Beautiful.

I won't kiss you. Don't worry, don't cringe. Okay?


I'll use the back door.

I wouldn't be the first. Would I?

THE END.
"There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering." Cato




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Wow. I don't really know what to say about that, except wow. But I was also a little confused. So, I guess she killed him, if it wasn't just a metaphor? And, she cheated on him with another man? Anyway, I liked the part at the end, where it says he "Used the back door". Very mysterious. Nice job!
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It's great! :D
I love the ending! I did get a little confused in the middle somewhere and had to reread it! :D
-SKEBE




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It's really good! Original idea! Great work!
charlie




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You have a nice story line here. It was a pleasure reading your monologue. However, there were a lot of grammar distractions. I say this in the kindest way possible. If you have Microsoft word, I suggest you scan through your story and click on the green before you submit writing. I know I get really excited when I post things, and sometimes, most of the time, I don't feel like proof-reading.

That's what I ask

Remember the warmth of the evening when we first met , the sun setting from behind me, it was like a 1000 little radiators on my back?

It seemed like the narrator is asking Evelyn if she remembers.

When we embraced I could feel your heart hammering like a hummingbird's wings.

It was a gently embrace, perhaps I thought you were as fragile as an actual hummingbird?

The question mark here strikes me a bit odd. Perhaps a period would work better.

Your voice, silky and seductive voice, whispered in my ear.


Do you remember, so I could see your angelic face?

I find the "so" awkward here.
Warm supple inviting red lips and your blue eyes, blue as the clear sky in the still setting sun, not a cloud in sight.

But.

Why are your eyes so cloudy now?

I think this would be phrased better as "But, why are your eyes so cloudy now?" or "But... Why are your eyes so cloudy now?"

I had lifted my hand to caress your plump cheek; you had a bashful smile on your face (a you want me, come get me smile. Oh, how I hated that in the coming years).

And placed my hand, no, molded (insert space) it over your firm right breast.


An ember that I lonely tried to maintain, but you were like a fire engine.

But alas, like your tree[b], I was cut down, burned, cheated out of a life and a home.
[/b]

Evelyn, everyone's time comes eventually I suppose.


No more secrets now, Evelyn.

Well, just one.

Why don't you say something now, Evelyn?


Your silver tongue, that cut me more than a knife could ever do.

This is not a sentence. Take out the "that,". You have a noun and a clause here.

All I knew was you, all I loved was you.

Your Hubby has a lot of work to do when he get's home.

"Hubby" should be lowercase. Take out the apostrophe in "get's" her hubby isn't "get is" home.

My, won't he miss (take off the comma here) the bedroom antics?


Nice talking, we haven't had a face to face for so long.

A period would work better than the comma here.

She's a sweet kid, Evelyn.


Things to remember
-Capitalize your "i"s.
-Proof-read?

You have a lovely set of vocabulary, and your descriptions are very vivid. Your language choice is nice. Just remember grammar. Like I said earlier, I enjoyed reading this. It was an awesome storyline.

-Cressy
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(




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I loved this story.Great use of the language. I am a little bit confused though. Did she kill him? Did he kill her? Why is her blood all over him? I don't really get it. Maybe it's just me, and it will make perfect sense to everyone else, but to me it does not. I did love reading it though, I could feel the emotions. You are a amazing writer, keep up the good work.
I may not be the brightest crayon in the box. I might not be the prettiest, shiniest or favorite. I might not be anything to anyone, but yet I'm still in the box.

There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in. - Chris Colfer

I love you all, and thank you for reading my posts




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Hi all thanks for posting your comments. Immediately after i woke up i wrote this story (?) don't know why. It just came to me.

Anyhow, i should make things more clear. The man has murdered his ex wife for cheating and for having a child with the new husband.
"There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering." Cato



What's stopping you?
— David Mamet