Ode to Astronomy

I wrote this a while ago and thought I might as well submit it...It's not my favorite, so tear it apart.


A ladder
Is cast down
From the heavens.
My pupils
Devour the light
That
It emits.
The ladder whispers.
Take it.
But
I cannot.
Cannot risk bringing down
This grand design
This fragile labyrinth.
I simply watch.
Astronomy
Had bewitched me.

Since then,
I have climbed the ladder
Multiple times.
No word of this
World
Can describe
The dimension
Inside
A telescope.

Each melodious syllable
In the word
That I balance
On my eye,
Enunciated,
Fluctuated,
Rippled,
Throughout a galaxy.
Bulleting down,
A glimmering waterfall.
Or, a ladder,
Reaching endlessly,
Towards
The boundaries of the cosmos.

Absolutely beautiful! This is truly an extraordinary work! keep it up!

Heya, this is very nicely worded, and is an original idea. The flow is okay, but it sort of breaks up in my head at some points. I'll leave that to someone who actually knows the technicalities behind poetry though. The emotion is there, however, and your use of metaphors is good; I liked the idea of the ladder descending from the heavens.

Just one small thing:

Has bewitched me.

Sounds better this way.

That's all folks,
|Life|