Was a mistake.

Eyes briefly meeting
Hands sliding down my back
My heart pulsing rapidly
This angle of attack

LIps touching abrasively
Bodies demanding passion
Words whipered with desire
And meaningful passion

With our legs interwining
I got feeling from within
The feeling so gratifying
It is a sin

With us there is no limits
Nor secrets to unveil
Every word you whisper
Is erotic with detail

With our fantasies recited
And your whishes slowly granted
I soon begin to realize
Its my name you softly chanting

A rhythm in the setting
Of music softly playing
Its tones is precisely amorous
With the lust you are displaying

I tell you
of the wishes i want fufilled
As i begin to lose focus
My conscience begins to rebuilds

As you aggresivley twirl my hair
This when I realize
This encounter is a mistake
My breathing heavily increases

I scream out
Your name
But its far from delight
I realized i let myself go

I pull away with tears in my eyes
Yet you knew what was wrong
You pull me close
i cry the most

I pull away and say im sorry
You know this is all a mistake
This thrill we experienced
You know your love is fake.

ChinaCookie wrote:Eyes briefly meeting
Hands sliding down my back
My heart pulsing rapidly
This angle of attack

Lips touching abrasively
Bodies demanding passion
Words whispered with desire
And meaningful passion

With our legs intertwining
I got a feeling from within
A feeling so gratifying,
It is a sin

With us, there are no limits
Nor secrets to unveil
Every word you whisper
Is erotic with detail

With our fantasies recited
And your wishes, slowly granted
I soon begin to realize
It's my name you're softly chanting

A rhythm in the setting
Of music softly playing
Its tones are precisely amorous
With the lust you are displaying

I tell you
Of the wishes I want fulfilled
As I begin to lose focus
My conscience begins to rebuilds

As you aggressively twirl my hair
It's when I realize
This encounter is a mistake
My breathing heavily increases

I scream out
Your name
But it's far from delight
I realized I let myself go

I pull away with tears in my eyes
Yet you knew what was wrong
But still you pull me close
I cry the most

I pull away and say I'm sorry
You know this is all a mistake
This thrill we experienced
You know our love is fake.

Alright, first thing is be careful to get your posts spell checked before posting them, it'll be way more pleasant for the readers Second, I'm a bit confused as to what exactly your rhyming pattern is... First you start with ABA-, then moving to ABCB, stay with it for another stanza then drop the rhyming all together...then AABC, AABA, I think they might all be in there at some point All this changing is breaking the whole rhythm of the poem and takes away from the message. No rhyming at all would've been better, or even just sticking with one (I know it's hard but it's really worth it esthetically)
That is all, the rest is good I liked it!
Keep on writing!

-Truth-

ChinaCookie wrote:Eyes briefly meeting
Hands sliding down my back
My heart pulsing rapidly
This angle of attack

Lips touching abrasively
Bodies demanding passion
Words whispered with desire
And meaningful passion You just said passion. Use a different word.

With our legs interwining
I got feeling from within
The feeling so gratifying
It is a sin

With us there is no limits
No secrets to unveil
Every word you whisper
Is erotic with detail

With our fantasies recited
And your whishes slowly granted
I soon begin to realize
It's my name you're softly chanting

A rhythm in the setting
Of music softly playing
Its tone is precisely amorous
With the lust you are displaying

I tell you
of the wishes I want fufilled
As I begin to lose focus
My conscience begins to rebuild

As you aggresivley twirl my hair
This when I realize
This encounter is a mistake
My breathing heavily increases

I scream out
Your name
But it's far from delight
I realized I let myself go

I pull away with tears in my eyes
Yet you knew what was wrong
You pull me close
I cry the most

I pull away and say I'm sorry
You know this is all a mistake
This thrill we experienced
You know your love is fake.

Okay, the main thing I found annoying was the spasmodic use of rhyming. Choose one pattern and stick with it, or don't rhyme at all.

Besides this, the poem was pretty good.

Thanks all for the great reviews and all the great advice. It is really appriciated! hope to hear from more of you and thanks amillions to those who have already added the opinion!!