Vanish - Prelude

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I don't really like Preludes as much as the next person, so this one's kind of short. :) It happens about 15 years before Chapter 1, so it was necessary for it to be a prelude instead of "Chapter one". Ahhh, it's really here to introduce the term Knack in my story, and it should - if I wrote it the way I intended it to - kind of give the reader the feeling that a Knack is not something a person would want to have, and that a Knack is something that's not entirely normal.

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Prelude


“And does she have a Knack?” Lelia looked to her husband with worry in her eyes. Her otherwise brave features were knotted with fear.

The man shrugged and looked down on his baby daughter. She giggled innocently and wrapped her hand around his finger, her gorgeous green eyes exploring his face. He laughed and bent down to her cradle. “I can't say if she will have a Knack or not. Only time will tell.”

His wife softly tapped his shoulder, “But do you think she will?”

Zante sighed and looked into her eyes, “If she is my daughter…” he rubbed his brow tiredly, “then yes. But there is no way to know what her Knack will be until it surfaces.”

Lelia breathed deeply and ran a hand through her dull copper hair, “Then I guess all we can do is wait and hope for the best.” She traced circles around her daughter’s soft skin, “And what will you be?” she tickled her daughter’s stomach, “Will you heal? Will you destroy?” Lelia cocked her head, “Or will you be something the world has never seen before?”

Zante placed a soft hand over Lelia’s arm. “I think,” he whispered, “that she already is.”

The child cooed, spurting tiny spit bubbles as she laughed.

“Oh, Mazey,” Lelia smiled. Her daughter’s infectious giggles made her chuckle, “no matter what you become, I will never stop loving you.”
Last edited by Mazey on Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Write what you want to read."




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Hello Mazey!

Oddly enough, I'm one of those strange readers who loves preludes! As for your's, I liked it. I didn't get the really "bad" vibe surrounding Knacks, but I think I get what you were hinting at. As for the body of the prelude, I think it did a good job of creating a cliff-hanger that will propel a reader into the first chapter. That's really all you can ask of a prelude to start with. I have to say though, I was intrigued by the storyline and the little hints at special abilities. I'm always fascinated with characters set in a world where things happen out of the norm.

Anyway, good job, I didn't see any grammatical missteps so that's great news for you. I also made the connection from the MC's name to your username. Any special significance? Haha! Just thought I'd ask. It's a little curious.

If you'd like, I would be happy to read and review when you post chapter 1. All you have to do is either PM me or spam my Wall. :)

Happy Writing!
Bailey
After all, it is the pen that gives power to the mythical sword.

"For an Assistant Pig-Keeper, I think you're quite remarkable." Eilonwy

"You also shall be Psyche."

"My only regret
all the Butterflies
that I have killed with my car" Martin Lanaux




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This is short and sweet. I have no problem with the imagery, and you maintain the general feeling of concern throughout. Here are some small critiques of mine:

“I cannot say if she will have a Knack or not. Only time will tell.”


"I can't say." "Cannot" sounds much too formal.

“then yes.


"Then yes." (capital T)

she tickled her daughter’s stomach,


"She tickled" (capital S).

“or will you be something the world has never seen before?”


"Or" (capital O)

“no matter what you become,


"No matter" (capital N)

Hopefully you found my review helpful. As for not capitalizing the first letter of a resumed speech, this may be more of a regional thing, but my personal experience has told me that it is capitalized.
#TNT

WRFF



You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you.
— Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time