Lie To Me~5

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4206
Reviews 362
Spoiler
I am still the mistress of paraphrasing, and this fact will not change. This spoiler shall contain a one to two-sentence summary of each chapter so far

Chapter 1-We are introduced to the main characters, Melody, Josh, Marty and Tyler, Tyler is the love interest. We also learn that Melody's old boyfriend Nathan committed suicide.
Chapter 2-We meet Melody's best friend (Kara) and Melody's mother. Melody fights with her mother a lot
Chapter 3-Another chapter with Melody at home. She and her mother have a fight.
Chapter 4-Melody went over to Tyler's house to share some songs. They are about to enter his bedroom.


Righty-o, just one last thing, If you seriously and honestly love this novel, join the club page http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/page.php?id=929 There. Please and Thank you!


5



His bedroom was just covered with music. Not the literal music, but the band posters covered three walls and the floor.

“This is ridiculous.” I said, “How did you get all of these?”

“Concerts, mainly, some of this stuff is my parents, or given to me for presents and stuff.” Tyler told me, flipping on the light.

The wall I was facing was covered in old vinyl records.

“Would that, like, ruin, the records?” I asked, “just gonna point that out.” Tyler laughed, taking my hand to pull me in.

“I decided they look cooler on my wall.” Tyler said. He sat down on his bed, and watched as I looked around, slightly amused.

I ran my fingers over one record, shivering slightly.

“The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Nirvana, Kiss, Pink Floyd.” I listed off. Then I turned to him, eyebrows raised.

“Why?” I asked. I sat in the floor in front of him, looking right into his eyes. Tyler moved so he was sitting across from me.

“Why what?” he asked, leaning forward, so his elbows were propped on his knees, and his face was closer to mine then what was comfortable.

“Why would you show me this?” I asked. My heart was racing. I hadn’t felt this way since, well, since I was with Nate. I had to admit-I had missed this.

“Do you drag unwilling girls into your bedroom?” I suggested, my voice quiet.

“Please.” Tyler said, “only the ones who are worthy enough for this.”

“I’m honored, then.” I said, semi-sarcastically. Tyler grinned.

“As you should be.” He said. We locked eyes again, his lit with laughter.

“We have the same color eyes.” I blurted. Tyler stared at me for a second, probably wondering what randomness came out of my brain. I smiled sweetly

“Melody Heart. Blurting things out since ninety-four.” I said. Tyler laughed.

“You are really funny.” He said.

“Yeah, well.” I shrugged, trying to sound modest. Tyler reached over, pushing a few wisps of hair back behind my ear. I almost recoiled at his touch, but there was something about his stare that told me that he wanted to do much, much more.

I panicked.

“Um, thank you for letting me intrude.” I said, “I should be getting home.” I stood up, quickly headed toward the bedroom door. I laid my hand on the door knob. Tyler pulled me back, making me fall back into his arms.

“Keep my laptop.” I said, pushing myself away, “it’s contraband, and I lied to my mom, and she thinks it’s Kara’s. So, just keep it.”

“Alright.” Tyler said. He slipped something into my hand, “I’ll talk to you later.” I pulled open the door, turning to wave.

“I’ll talk to you later.” I said quickly. Then I flew down the stairs and out the door.

The California sun was beating down as I exited his house. It did nothing to slow down my racing heart or interrupt my wild thoughts.

I looked at the ground as I walked, trying to remember the way he looked at me. His look was deep, intense. I smiled to myself as I stopped at the bus stop. I finally looked at what he had given me. It was his phone number.

He looked like he wanted to kiss me.

I decided I might be cool with that.
'We will never believe again, kick drum beating in my chest again, oh, we will never believe in anything again, preach electric to a microphone stand.'

*Formerly wickedwonder*




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 4670
Reviews 51
wickedwonder wrote:
Spoiler
I am still the mistress of paraphrasing, and this fact will not change. This spoiler shall contain a one to two-sentence summary of each chapter so far

Chapter 1-We are introduced to the main characters, Melody, Josh, Marty and Tyler, Tyler is the love interest. We also learn that Melody's old boyfriend Nathan committed suicide.
Chapter 2-We meet Melody's best friend (Kara) and Melody's mother. Melody fights with her mother a lot
Chapter 3-Another chapter with Melody at home. She and her mother have a fight.
Chapter 4-Melody went over to Tyler's house to share some songs. They are about to enter his bedroom.


Righty-o, just one last thing, If you seriously and honestly love this novel, join the club page http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/page.php?id=929 There. Please and Thank you!


5



His bedroom was just covered with music. Not the to me you don't need the word the here literally music, but theor here band posters that covered three walls and the floor.

“This is ridiculous.” I said, “How did you get all of these?”

“Concerts, mainly, some of this stuff is my parents, or given to me for presents and stuffyou don't need stuff again.” Tyler told me, flipping on the light.

The wall I was facing was covered in old vinyl records.

“Would that, like, ruin, the records?” I asked, "just gonna point that out. Who was saying that Tyler or Melody” Tyler laughed, taking my hand to pull me closer.

“I decided they look cooler on my wall.” Tyler said. He sat down on his bed, and watched as I looked around, slightly amused.

I ran my fingers over one record, shivering slightly.

“The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Nirvana, Kiss, Pink Floyd.” I listed off. Then I turned to him, eyebrows raised.

“Why?” I asked. I sat onthe floor in front of him, looking right into his eyes. Tyler moved so he was sitting across from me.

“Why what?” he asked, leaning forward, so his elbows were propped on his knees, and his face was closer to mine then what was comfortable.

“Why would you show me this?” I asked. My heart was racing. I hadn’t felt this way since, well, since I was with Nate. I had to admit,I had missed this.

“Do you drag unwilling girls into your bedroom?” I suggested, my voice quiet.

“Please.” Tyler said, “only the ones who are worthy enough for this.”

“I’m honored, then.” I said, semi-sarcastically. Tyler grinned.

“As you should be.” He said. We locked eyes again, his lit with laughter.

“We have the same color eyes.” I blurted. Tyler stared at me for a second, probably wondering what randomness came out of my brain. I smiled sweetly.

“Melody Heart. Blurting things out since ninety-four ninety-four???.” I said. Tyler laughed.You've used laughed a lot, try using a different word like chuckled.

“You are really funny.” He said.

“Yeah, well.” I shrugged, trying to sound modest. Tyler reached over, pushing a few wisps of hair back behind my ear. I almost recoiled at his touch, but there was something about his stare that told me that he wanted to do much, much more.

I panicked.

“Um, thank you for letting me intrude.” I said, “I should be getting home.” I stood up, quickly headed toward the bedroom door. I laid my hand on the door knob. Tyler pulled me back, making me fall back into his arms.

“Keep my laptop.” I said, pushing myself away, “it’s contraband, and I lied to my mom, and she thinks it’s Kara’s. So, just keep it.”

“Alright.” Tyler said. He slipped something into my hand, “I’ll talk to you later.” I pulled open the door, turning to wave.

“I’ll talk to you later.” I said quickly try another adjective. Then I flew down the stairs and out the door.

The California sun was beating down as I exited his house. It did nothing to slow down my racing heart or interrupt my wild thoughts.

I looked at the ground as I walked, trying to remember the way he looked at me. His look was deep, intense. I smiled to myself as I stopped at the bus stop. I finally looked You've already used looked in this paragraph, try glanced at what he had given me. It was his phone number.

He looked like he wanted to kiss me.

I decided I might be cool with that.




Wow, I just love this novel. It was great except for the few nitpicks that I mentioned above. The only thing I wanted to say is that a few times you sounded repetitive. You'll see like three of them that I mentioned above. Try using a diferent adjective so that words that you useare...diverse. Well anyways, once again this was really good, and can you pm me when the 6th one comes out? (:


-lilgreendots <3
Incarceron is a prison like no other
It gives life
It deals death

It Watches All

Incarceron
By: Catherine Fisher


For more information about the book click here!

Need a Review Click Here!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 22451
Reviews 498
Hello there. :)

Well, another great chapter! This is coming along great, and I think you've got the emotions right regarding Tyler and Melody. The way she panics is just perfect. Really great characterization in this chapter. I think that Lilgreendots was right, and that you might want to find some synonyms for the words you use a lot. Apart from that, I think you're good.

Keep it up!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466



Percy fell face-first into his pizza.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena