Winter Skies

Once I had a summer sun
who kept me warm and bright,
a waxing moon who taught me
constellations in the night,

but autumn brought a turn of leaves;
soon your affections waned,
and I saw we were not meant
to be as winter came.

Now my winter skies are dark
and this I know is true:
Cold and distant shining stars
are all I have of you.

Once I had a summer sun
who kept me warm and bright,
a waxing moon
who taught meconstellations in the night,

but autumn brought a turn of leaves;
soon your affections waned,
and I saw we were not meant
to be as winter came.

Now my winter skies are dark
and this I know is true:
Cold and distant shining stars
are all I have of you.

~

and I saw we were not meant
to be as winter came.
]

This sounds like it should be one line, And that you've just broke it up so it will match the upper paragraph/

and this I know is true;
Cold and distant shining stars
are all I have of you

Those last two lines have the same problem

But anyways, Good Poem, I liked the concept,just brush it up a bit, and keep writing

GERROOONNNIIMOOO!!!!

xo

Hi Blue!

I enjoyed this poem; it was short and sweet. What I would really watch is the originality of what it is you're writing. I felt that you could have taken a much different approach to this poem that could still retain the same message. I've read a lot of poems comparing love to the sun, stars, seasons. Perhaps instead of saying these things outright you could try implying them.

As for the flow, this stanza was the only one I didn't quite like-

but autumn brought a turn of leaves;
soon your affections waned,
and I saw we were not meant
to be as winter came.

I think it was mostly the last line that threw me off. Here's your beat measure: 8-6-7-6. Okay, so you might want to do a bit of tweaking, and maybe add a word here or there. And like Geronimo said, it seems to sound choppy.

I hope this was helpful! Have a good day!

~Selene

A beautiful piece of poetry.
I loved the imagery of it. Made me smile though it was quite dark.
Structure was also good though I do think a little bit more detail could be used.

Now my winter skies are dark
and this I know is true:
Cold and distant shining stars
are all I have of you.

I really loved that verse. Was really emotional. Though I do feel like you forced it a little to much to fit it in. Try to maybe add another verse before it or split it into two and add more imagery

Well done!