And Then They Live On

They emerge.
They unfold.
They see.
The innocence.
And then they live.

They watch.
They mimic.
They experiment.
The observationalist.
And then they learn.

They analyze.
They ask.
They realize.
The questioner.
And then they perceive.

They cry.
They laugh.
They assimilate.
The scholar.
And then they dream.

They work.
They struggle.
They tire.
The laborer.
And then they wish.

They want.
They love
They kiss.
The beloved.
And then they create.

They argue.
They anger.
They hate.
The unwanted.
And then they fall.

They hide.
They steal.
They kill.
The criminal.
And then they lose everything.

They sit.
They reflect.
They lament.
The caught.
And then they plead.

They weaken.
They crawl.
They sleep.
The old.
And then they accept.

They inhale.
They exhale.
They end.
The success.
And then they are gone.

They emerge.
They unfold.
They see.
The innocence.
And then they live on.

I love this, it gets straight to the point without being to brutal.
I think the structure is used really well too, its simple and hold detail and keeps you reading straight through.
I thought it was beautifully writen aswell and I felt like I was watching a short story unfold.
Well done!

Hi there!
There is a case for repetition, but too much repetition is never a good thing. I'm going to give you one piece of advice for this poem: Pick your favorite verse, and make that the whole poem. I mean, take that verse and instead of saying, for example, "they experiment" spend a verse or two showing how they experiment, why, what it felt like. Oh, and don't be afraid to break free of your short little lines... you've got so many ways to organize a poem all at your disposal. Experiment!
PM me if you have any questions, or if you ever post an edited version. Good luck!
-Aussie

I really dug this poem. It's short, simple, and too the point. I like the lyrical quality it has, because it gives off a steady rhythm.

Again, interesting style. While this worked on your other piece, I'm not sure if it does with this one. I like that it adds a good rhythm to the poem, as if somebody is projecting each line to a crowd, one by one. There's a sense of power behind each word, and that's definitely a great quality to have in poetry.

One thing I'd suggest is trying to use commas instead of periods all the time. While this does, like I said, carry a sense of power and while it does get to the point, having short, two/three word lines that cease thought after every period can lose its effect after a while, and that may not be something you want.

Either way, though... this is your style. It's unique to you, and really, I'm in no place to tell you what you can and can't do with your writing. I am a fan of your work, regardless. Do keep writing, and thanks again for sharing your work.

This is clear and simple and easy to understand and it doesn't give me a headache. Thanks for writing this! I really enjoyed this and I really like the title. Great job with that! The flow is unique but not annoying. Well done with this poem and Keep writing!

I like this poem. It shows many different things in a few words, and though it's very fast-moving and jumps from sentence to sentence, I think if you tried to add more stanzas describing what you're saying, your poem would lose some of it's originality, and we don't want that! It's great how it is, very ominous and mysterious.

Ha, I'm not sure if this is what you were looking for, but it's almost like a chant.

Anyway, keep up the good work!

~BTM

OOO, o,o,o,!
Me likey, Kafky!
Love it, very simple, yet very... ummm... shucks, I can't find the word to describe it
Actually that's a good thing.. right?
Anyway, thanks for sharing it, I really enjoyed reading this!
Keep on writing- and share what you write, too! *puts on ZombeyChick mask* OR I"LL HAUNT YOU UNTIL YOU DO POST THEM! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Cheers! *beams innocently*
Alpha