I Want My Childhood Back

Spoiler

I'm missing my school days a lot
So i heard this song and wanted to write a similar thing http://albaal.blogspot.com/2007/02/my-l ... az-ki.html

Take all my wealth.
I don't need good health.
I want those childhood rains,
falling on my paper planes.


Take away this happiness.
I don't want this calmness.
Give me those childhood menace.
Give me my school campus.


I miss those golden days.
Making toys with clays.
Enthusiastic about the railways,
and amazed by the airways.


When i was small,
i wanted to grow up.
But now when i am there,
i think childhood was better than all.


Those splashing in puddles.
Reading stories of angels.
My mother's long lasting cuddles.
Playing with soap bubbles.


Running in the park as an aeroplane.
Going bonkers about chowmein.
Acting brave even if it would pain.
Returning home with clothes full of stain.


When i felt like a free bird.
When worries were absurd.
When slang meant bastard.
When common cold was the only hazard.


Take all my wealth.
I don't need good health.
I want those childhood rains,
falling on my paper planes.

Hey Ehte,
I found this poem chillingly familiar to an Indian song I know called Wo Khaghaz ki Kashti (That Paper Boat). Here are the lyrics in English. http://albaal.blogspot.com/2007/02/my-l ... az-ki.html
I'm wondering if you've heard this song and were inspired from it. If so, it would be wise to mention the original version so as not to plagiarize.

Apart from that, my main concern about the poem is that I feel, you forced it to rhyme at some places. You do know that not all poetry has to rhyme. Rhythm is always good, but rhyme isn't necessary, especially if we feel it is limiting our choice of words, hence limiting our ability to properly portray what we mean to say in the best manner. I'd recommend you don't bother about rhyme right now and just work on developing stronger images. Use metaphors and similes and conjure power, emotional images that will appeal to the reader.

I quite like the concept behind the poem, but I'm a little concerned the original song is not being credited here. We should try to be careful about such things.

Good luck!

I found this really amusing and did revert me back to a few of my own childhood memories.

Going bonkers about chowmein.

I found that especially funny it braught a real smile to my face.
Though I did find it to let my mind wander a bit to much, I felt a better use of wording could have helped to keep my focus completely upon it.
Overall though a enjoyable piece!

This is a very good poem but speaking as a kid (I'm not 77) I think that this was good and that you have done something great but it could be improved.