Missing You

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I don't love the title, so if you have any suggestions, tell me. Also, I don't know if this is in the right place :?: There might be a few tense issues (its supposed to be past tense, but I might have slipped up and switched once or twice)
Anyway, I found this quote buried among picture on my iTouch, and I needed to write a story about it. So here it is:

I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day I find it is the day I stop missing you.

My hands were clasped around my legs, my face turned toward the ocean. The wind tugged gently at my loose hair. I could taste the saltiness of tears on my tongue and feel them slide silently down my cheeks.
You used to love it when I wore my hair down. I would do it for you and only you. You would wrap a strand of it around your finger and examine it, finding red in all the brown. I love it when you do that. Or at least I did.
The wind caught my tears as they fell off the end of my chin and whipped them away. You might have joked about it, taking a tear on your thumb and holding it into the Atlantic breeze like an offering to the gods.
But there would be no tears if it weren’t for you. If you were not gone, I wouldn’t feel like my heart was slowly breaking into pieces. If it weren’t for you, I would not sit with my arms wrapped around myself as if to keep from breaking apart.
I never expected to lose you. So maybe that is why it hit me so hard when I did. You were always so alive, so there, your skin hot and electric against mine. Your very presence seemed to take up space, as if you were so much more than just one boy.
It was hard to believe you were gone. That I would never see your grin again, or hear your laugh, or lay in bed long after you’d left with my lips pressed together, trying to hold your last kiss on the tip of my tongue.
Now the only things I have of you are my memories and the faded gray sweatshirt you left in my room. It still smells like you, even though you have been gone for weeks, like wood smoke and rain and your favorite kind of coffee. Some nights I sit just inside my window, in the pool of light provided by the street lamp, and bury my face in it the way you once buried yours in my hair. Then, for a few moments, I can pretend you are still here, with me, and you always will be. But a girl can only lie to herself for so long. Because you are really gone, for forever and eternity.


I caught a tear on my thumb and leaned over the side of the porch. Far below me, waves crashed against the deserted beach. I blew gently on the tiny bead of water. It danced away from me, invisible against the pale blue sky until it met the waves.
I closed my eyes and whispered into the wind as if you could hear me. “I dropped a tear into the ocean. The day I find it is the day I stop missing you.”
Last edited by Sierra on Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.
What a shame,
We used to be such fragile broken things.




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Have - have I read this before??? It seems... Familiar... I think I have and when I did I liked it a lot. Hm... Yes. It was great - and still is!!

Keep writing,
Alzora
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~ Yeah I'm letting go of what I had, yeah I'm living now and living loud ~




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Love it. Nice job. Just a couple things...

Sierra wrote:I would wear do it for you and only you.

I don't think you meant to have that 'wear' there...

Sierra wrote:You might have joked about it, taking a tear on your thumb and holding it into the Atlantic breeze like an offering to the gods.

Love this.

Sierra wrote:I dropped a tear into the ocean for you, Josh.

I know I'm just being really picky, but the name Josh isn't working for me.
"A kitten is an angel with whiskers."




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Hello. :)

I have a few nitpicks for you.
I love it when you do that. Or at least I did.

"you did that?" I'm not sure if it's better or not...
I held my arms around my chest as if I were holding myself together.

You already said that, and even though it was at the beginning, and we're now at the end, I can't help but feel like the repetition is too much... It might be just me :)
It danced away from me, invisible against the pale blue sky until it met the waves.

I loved this story. Yes, it's kind of cliche, but I'm the kind of girl that never gets tired of these kind of stories. ;) There's only one thing I would like you to work on. What happened to Josh? Is he dead? Just left? And if he's dead, then I would like to know how... If it's not too much to ask. Just a little bit of information I think would compliment the story.

Great job, and keep on writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
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the quote was beyonddddd powerful to me! I loved how you chose to write on it. I thought it was a really greta piece of writing :)




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That was really good. I loved the description in it, but I just need a little clarification. So, was he dead, or did he just, you know, move on? Just curious. I loved the quote though, and how you based a story off of it! It was a great story! Seriously, keep writing!
Forever for All <3

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