Thinking of That Smile

I know this love is very real.
It's something I can hear and feel.
It didn't take you long to heal
This broken heart of mine.

Every night, I quickly pray
I'll get to see your face someday.
I promise you, we'll find a way
To wake up side by side.

I'm in the sun; no longer hidden,
You give me what the others didn't.
Tired and patient, here I'm sittin',
Waiting on your call.

One day we will lay embracing,
Calmly settled; no more chasing.
Even now, my heart's still racing,
Just thinking of that smile.

I really liked the flowing of this poem.
Was simple but effective. I think it was really well thought out.
The rhyming made me smile but I would really think it'd work greater if it was longer.
Its really good

Simple, repetitive rhythmic structure, and pretty effective. Although it's fairly short, I honestly don't mind too much, because it still has effect for what it's worth.

Try using a colon instead of a period at end of first line, which is pretty much the only flaw I see grammatically.

Good poem. Keep it up!
~Elder

Yeah, I know it's kinda short... I wrote it in detention Lol. But thanks for the comments, guys, I'm glad you like it

I realy like this. I think it is something most people can relate to I know I can.

I'm in the sun; no longer hidden,
You give me what the others didn't.
Tired and patient, here I'm sittin',
Waiting on your call.

you give me what others didn't (not sure if didn't is the right word)
tired yet patient, here I'm sittin'
just a suggestion

Hi niccinic15,

Definitely a lyric poem for the win! AMAZING! It was truly great, simple, easy to read yet the emotions and soul was there. Great work! I absolutely loved the rhyming scheme and really liked how the last line of every stanza didn't rhyme, making your poem sound mature and not too overly joyful and sing-songish (not that there's anything wrong with that!) haha.

Well done! Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf