Tears of a Broken Soul

Spoiler

I wrote this piece a while back

Lost, never to be found,

heart shatters,

hits the ground.



Blinded, never to see again,

heart bleeds,

never wins.



Torn, never to be whole,

heart drowns

in the tears of a broken soul.

Hi hi
As always i love simple ideas or thoughts in poems, and I did like it in this one.
But I would have liked just a little bit more, so I could form a picture in my head.

Blinded, never to see again,

heart bleeds,

never wins.

I found this one a bit confusing ^_^" I think there could have been a more
appropriate line for this one. Are you talking about your eyes or your heart? ... I'm a dork, I have to know. ^_^"

But-

Torn, never to be whole,

heart drowns

in the tears of a broken soul.

I really like this one :D
Because it sort of connects the whole poem with the title, and I was sort of waiting for this to happen. X3
Show stealer line. ;3

I hope this helped a little.
Keep writing!! X3

Hy LifeTime,

First of all , I personally like minimalistic writing, but maybe this is a bit too minimalistic. You evoked powerfull emotions really well, but you have just let them hanging there in mid air. No closure. And I agree with aianaira that this could have been a little longer , so as to create an image to go with the feelings.
But it is well written.
Keep it up.

- Rob.

Thank you both! And it could have been longer, but as I mentioned in the spoiler, I wrote this a while ago and I have a thing with leaving my poems as I originally wrote them andwanted to post it as is. Anianaira, the part that confused you was referring to the heart never finding, or seeing, love again. I hope that cleared that up.

Brandi

I like this piece, short and sweet and straight to the point.
The structure of it is well done aswell, it gives a small space of time to review each line in your head.

Blinded, never to see again

I liked this line, it gives out to the senses.
I really enjoyed this.

Hello I'm LastPaladin I shall be your reviewer for today. At first glance, I have to wonder how long ago this piece was written as it appears that you could inject any breakup in the world and have same thoughts cut and paste from many the shunned or distraught person. But perhaps I've been too harsh, let's judge this on the merits of itself and not the first impressions, but the second, third and forth.

I have to say it shows that you wrote this a while ago, because every aspiring poet began with first following the clichés like a paint by numbers book, before dropping them and realizing how they make a piece sound. To elaborate on this I shall add that this reads like a piece not on a illustrious writing site, but a blog full of angst, whiny teenage melodrama and problems with High School or Middle School. It doesn't hook, it doesn't grip -- it yanks at your throat and yells 'Understand me' or 'Feel my pain' poetry isn't a knife to the throat, it's a prick in a power point, you're touched not by heavy handed techniques. Further you're captured by the beauty and nature of it, sprouting lines that rhyme jerkedly and expecting us to feel the clichés TV and Movies stuffed down our throat won't work. It's a medium you should understand that has a soft approach with brutal results with great emotional upheaval, you feel like you swam a marathon and got back to cheering fans.

Overall: Your main problem is you insist on yelling when for pieces like this the subtle approach is best, think like the person who cracks safes not blows them up, you lose part of the reward by beginning with a short bang, whereas part of the fun should be unlocking the safe and getting to our hearts. It can be done and with practice I believe you can achieve it.

Hope this helps.

Like I said, it was written a while ago. I was about twelve and it was one of my first tries. But thank you for the review