I am free

You made me feel like the only one
You were my prince, to you I would run
I felt so safe when you were there
Truth is right now you wouldn’t care

I found myself in darkened sorrow
Hoping you would take me tomorrow
I didn’t happen, I slept in tears
It felt as if it lasted years

I was a mess no one cleaned up
My sorrow out filled a Greek god’s cup
I lay up, for many sleepless nights
Until I realized that I had rights

No more trying to impress
No more playing princess
No more Cinderella dress
No more worries more finesse

I could be whatever I wanted
I was myself no more a puppet
There was so much now I could see
Without you I learned, I am free

Hi there.
Okay, so basically I like your message. The problem was, you totally sacrificed content for form! I mean, rhythm is fun and all, but only when it accentuates your message and never once constrains it. Reading, I could tell exactly where you would have said something different if your rhyme scheme hadn't choralled you in. And since your poem is about finding freedom, how better to express that in the form than in a free-form poem? Remember: Content is inseparable from presentation. Look at your favorite poems by other authors: Robert Frost in an expert at this, and Shakespeare in his own right too. For this poem and for al your future poems, remember that you can't just pick a rhythm and go with it; if you choose to rhyme, you must be able to articulate why rhyming adds to the poem, and if you have rhythm you must be able to say why that adds to the poem. See?
Keep writing, and PM me with any questions.

Aussie

It's my first time so I want you to be as critical as possible so I can find my errors.

hey SoLaNge ( i think) well anyway i really enjoyed this poem you put across your feelings clearly ....but i don't really think i can say much since I'm disabled when it comes to poetry. So kudos for writing a poem! I’d really like to see more of what you write, oh and welcome i hope your time here helps you grow as a writer!

Your poem is cute but where is the image instead of trying to make it rhyme so much try and let us see and feel your emotions but it was good for a beginner keep at it and try something dark next time.

FIrst of all, well done for actually writing a poem that rhymes!
I could never do that. But yes, I agree with all the others, rhyming shouldn't be the main point of the poem.
Just some little nit-picks:

SoLaNgE wrote:You made me feel like the only one
You were my prince, to you I would run
I felt so safe when you were there
Truth is, right now you wouldn’t care

I found myself in (a?) darkened sorrow
Hoping you would take me tomorrow
I [is that supposed to be it?] didn’t happen, I slept in tears
It felt as if it lasted years

I was a mess no one cleaned up
My sorrow out-filled a Greek god’s cup
I lay up, for many sleepless nights
Until I realized that I had rights

No more trying to impress
No more playing princess
No more Cinderella dress
No more worries more finesse. [Is this supposed to be, no more worries about finesse?]

I could be whatever I wanted
I was, myself, no more a puppet
There was so much now, I could see
Without you I learned, I am free

You made me feel I was the only one,
You were my prince, to you I' run.
I felt so safe when you were there.
Truth is right now you wouldn't care. -- what do you mean by this last line? the meaning is quite vague.

I found myself in darkened sorrow,
Hoping you'd take me tomorrow.
I didn't happen, I slept in tears -- again, what do you mean by "I didn't happen"?
It felt as if it lasted years.

I was a mess no one cleaned up,
My sorrow outfilled a Greek god's cup.
I lay up[no comma here] for many sleepless nights
Until I realized that I had rights.

No more trying to impress.
No more playing princess.
No more Cinderella dress.
No more worries, more finesse. -- honestly, this stanza is not good. it feels as if you sacrificied the meaning of it (and the words that you could've chosen instead), in order to make it rhyme. never do this again, there are so many wonderful poems that have no rhyme, and still they're breathtaking.

I could be whatever I wanted
I was myself, no more a puppet.
There was so much now I could see.
Without you I learned that I am free

-- add "that" to preserve rhythm

[quote]

Keep on writing and best of luck with it!

wow, it was a smooth, descriptive, poem and was outside the usual style people chose for this topic. But I have to agree with kcglitter there, you couldn've have put more emotion. But the rhyme, you aced it well done