Step Mother

Tears flow fast down my face
And no one is there to comfort me,
Felt like committing suicide,
To end the pain that's in my heart.

Family comes first
But, yet you ignore me?
It really hurt to be alone.

I need a mother's love,
Please care
For I have no mother
Who loves me.

No reasons to tell
For the truth had been seen
And never denied
The reality.

Not all mothers
Love their children
Don't make me one of them.

I'm not a lazybones
So don't call me that.
You always muttered about me,
I'm not an idiot so stop it.

You can't blame me
For not helping you
While you never notice,
What I did for you.

It hurts when people
Talks badly about me
And it's like a blade
Has been stabbed right through my heart
When you're one of them.

Why can't you love me
The way I do?
For I love you all my soul
And more then my love for my birth mother.

Give me the chances
To show the special me
And don't destroy my hopes and dreams.

All I ask you is
Not to hate me
My dear...
Step mother...

I really liked reading this. The only thing I really hope about is that this is not a true story.
The poem really brings up strong feelings, from start to ending, it really made me feel bad about the character.

kikialicia31 wrote:Not all mothers
Love their children
Don't make me one of them.

That had the strongest effect on me. Even if I do not really like sad stories , i really liked this one.
Congrats! You got my vote.
*bows*

Oh wow. This was a very emotional poem that was raw and honest, and i also hope it's not based on real life. Some of the phrases/verses were great, like the verse that Rob pointed out and the one about the blade stabbing through the person's heart. Some didn't quite make sense, such as:

"But, why you ignore me?
It really hurt to be hatred."

Should it be "why do you ignore me" and "it really hurts to be hated"?

Other than that, great job. Keep writing!

I have had personal experience with someone that I call my "Evil Ex-Step-Mother" and so can definitely relate to this poem.

kikialicia31 wrote:Tears flowing fast through my face In order to have the proper tense and make sure of parallelism, I would change "flowing" to "flow" and maybe "through" to "down" or something like that. When you say through, I picture tears darting in and out of her pores and veins and eyesockets.
And no one is there to comfort me,
I feel like committing suicide, I think that you could put this line a little more eloquently- saying "I feel like committing suicide" is very blunt. The word suicide in poetry should be used sparingly, as it's extremely powerful, and definitely leaves a taste in the mouth. If you're going to use it, you need to dance around it in a way- try to be a little less blunt.
To end the pain that's in my heart.

kikialicia31 wrote:But, why you ignore me?

This line doesn't make grammatical sense. Maybe try, "So, why do you ignore me?" or "But, yet you ignore me" something like that.

kikialicia31 wrote:No reasons to tell
For the truth had been seen
And never denial
The reality.

This part doesn't really make any sense. Maybe switch "denial" to "denied"?

kikialicia31 wrote:
It hurts when people
Talks badly about me
And it's like a blade
Has been stabbed right through my heart
When you're one of them.

So overall, this was a nice piece- you definitely have a lot of emotion in your words, and it's very weighty. Again, I can relate to this piece personally, so I know how you feel. Nice job.

-Coral-

Thank you for the reviews. I really appreciate it. Thanks again.