I didn’t want to text him, really. I had come here with the intention of writing his name on a piece of paper and burn it. I watched, satisfied, as the flames ate it angrily, leaving no evidence behind. I had to start the year on a good foot. Get rid of these angry feelings that invaded me whenever I heard his name. This was finally the day I was going to let him go. I was done mourning over him. No bitching, no screaming, no crying. His name would mean nothing to me.
But when the clock indicated twelve and everyone jumped around, screaming at the top of their lungs, I decided it was just one text. Three words and I would be done with it. I would even, maybe, erase his name from my contact list so I wouldn’t try to talk to him again.
Everyone was settling down again after their New Years kiss, barely containing their excitement. But I wasn’t part of them at this moment. No, I was anxiously looking at the screen of my cell phone. He answered, like everybody else, and I closed my phone, putting it back in my pocket. I had expected his answer. My phone vibrated again, and his name appeared on the screen. His call was coming in. That, I hadn’t expected. I picked it up, as his voice flooded the space around me.
“Hey, how are you?” I was shocked. He called me? Why? And he was the one making the conversation after a month of not talking to one another?
“Hi, I’m good... What about you?” I paused between my reply, careful with what I was saying.
“I’m just enjoying the New Year,” he said, and I could swear he was smiling.
“That’s good. Are you drunk?” I didn’t know what to say. He wouldn’t have called me if he wasn’t intoxicated... I think.
My friends were dancing and talking way too loudly around me, so I decided to put on my coat and got outside, where it was quieter.
“Nah, I’m not really. Hey I haven’t talked to you in a while. I thought you were mad at me,” Are you kidding? A voice was screaming in my head. I was hysterical.
“No, you were the one who seemed pissed. By the way you didn’t answer my texts, or just replied by the strict minimum... I thought I was annoying you, that I should back off,” I said, trying to control my tone. I knew I needed to be clear with him, no more playing around.
“What? I wasn’t mad at you! And you weren’t annoying me. I thought you were mad at me,” I was silent for a moment; I didn’t know what to answer to that. My heart was beating wildly in my chest, making it harder to think clearly. It didn’t take long before he said something again.
“I didn’t want you to back off either,” I sighed, closing my eyes. This was way too much for me. Are we seriously doing this right now? I asked myself.
“After Halloween... I don’t know, you just seemed pissed and annoyed. I tried to text you after, ‘cause I thought you would be better, but you weren’t,” I pressed two fingers to my eyes, putting as much pressure I could bear on them. I couldn’t concentrate right. There were too many memories flooding my head at the moment.
We had been on a date before Halloween, to some park where there were haunted mansions and spooky wagon rides in the forest. It had been a blast, and I had honestly thought he had thought so too. But only two weeks after, I had been to a Halloween party and I had texted him more than necessary when he hadn’t answered. After a few hours, I had called him a few times. I had been drunk and hadn’t fully realized that it might have been a little pushy. The next morning, he texted me. He wanted to know what all that was about, and I explained to him that I was drunk, repeating over and over that I was so sorry. After this day... It was a little bit more though. I texted him once a week, but he didn’t seem to want to talk to me. After a while, I got tired of waiting. If he wanted to talk to me, he just had to text, right? That’s what I was telling myself every time I saw his name on my contact list. I guess he didn’t want to talk to me after all, since it had been a month since we had seen, let alone talked, to each other.
“I didn’t mean to do that. I’m sorry,” his deep voice brought me back to reality.
“Was there actually something going on? Be honest,” I said, taking a big breath of fresh air. I needed to know. I knew that there must have been something, no matter how many times he said that he didn't mean to act like he did.
“Yeah, there was. I had a crush,” he said it quickly; like he was scared it wouldn’t come out if he waited too long. I waited a little bit before answering.
“A crush?” I didn’t say much, but I wanted to see where he was going with all this.
“Well, more.”
“Elaborate please?” I said when he didn’t say more. I was tired of this game we played. We might as well be honest
and be done with it.
“Well, I really liked you, but I don’t know... I got scared,” his voice was lower now, and it was silent on his end of
the phone.
“Seriously? I’m scared shitless too, since fucking Halloween, when you were acting so weird,” I was getting hysterical again. That wasn’t good.
“I’m sorry, but were you ever interested in me?” I heard him sigh.
“Are you kidding? I was falling for you, you idiot!” My voice was getting higher, and I had to take a deep breath once again to calm myself a little bit.
“I’m pretty stupid when it comes to that, then,” he laughed and I couldn’t keep away the smile that was creeping on my lips.
Spoiler
This is based on a true story. I changed some stuff so it's easier to read and shorter. I'm not sure it's that good, I feel like there's something missing, and I'm not sure what it is. Please review!
PS: I know it's cliche, but it's how it happened... When I tried changing some stuff, it didn't seem right.
PS: I know it's cliche, but it's how it happened... When I tried changing some stuff, it didn't seem right.
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