Catch a Shooting star

Alice gazed at the stars that surrounded her. They were pinpricks of light, of hope, among the deep engulfing dark. Her breaths came easily, despite the lack of oxygen around her. Stars were constantly blinking out, their light swallowed by the never-ending night. Their life was over. They had learned all they could in the thousands of years they had lived, and now it was time for a new star to take its place. They created a small sound when they did so, each one their own unique pitch. Thus creating a delicate, beautiful melody.

While old stars said good-bye, new ones were saying hello. They appeared out of nowhere in the night sky shining brighter than the others for a moment before they lowered their glare to a comfortable shimmer.

Alice floated carelessly among all of this; her body was weightless. Her long blond hair was reaching tendrils, pieces floating up and around her face. Her mind was completely at peace. The feeling reminded her of something, something that sat behind a wall in her head. She had felt this way before, but where?

All she thought about was the stars, the melody they made, and the beautifulness of it all. She pondered the thought of grabbing one.

Would it burn me? Perhaps I should try anyway.

She looked about her for the perfect star, one that was shining brightly. A new one, if she could, so it would last her entire life.

Catch a shooting star
And put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away.

Alice remembered the song. And so she waited. She had all the time in the world, so why would it matter if she had to wait a few days, weeks, or maybe even a year to catch a shooting star? She relaxed and waited.
Her wait wasn’t long, because in no more than an hour a star began to blaze towards Alice. She steadied herself. It came closer and closer. Without thinking, she reached out and plucked it out of the sky, ending its trail of sparkling stardust. She held it in her hands, a ball of light and power. She sighed at its beauty.

Alice looked at it, cupped in her hands, and thoughts poured into her head.

She remembered her life before she was floating in the stars. War, anger, hatred, pain, jealousy, rudeness, pollution. She remembered all that was wrong with the world and why she had left. Why she had gone away from the world and joined the stars. Because she couldn’t bear the thought of living in such a horrid world. She remembered where she had felt weightless before. When she had jumped. The air had whistled around her. Her mind had been clear; knowing the weight of the world on her shoulders would soon be lifted. Her mother and father had screamed, but the noise barely reached her ears. The police and fire department had blown up a large air mattress-like structure for her to land on. She missed it easily.

The thought crossed her mind. A thought that put her completely at ease. She didn’t have to worry about all those things. They didn’t matter anymore.

So, she thought. This is what heavens like.

Alice gazed at the stars that surrounded her. They were pinpricks of light, of hope, among the deep engulfing dark. Her breaths came easily, despite the lack of oxygen around her. Stars were constantly blinking out, their light swallowed by the dark. You used "dark" only a second ago, so I'd try to find something else to fit in the second place. Their life was over. They had learned all they could in the thousands of years they had lived, and now it was time for a new star to take its place. They created a small sound when they did so, each one their own unique pitch. Thus creating a delicate, beautiful melody.

That was just a little tiny thing I caught, but overall I like this. It's descriptive and imaginative, and even though there isn't much action to it there's an idea that gives it some interest. Still, not much happened. That's really my only negative. It was a cool idea.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

For a piece that you randomly wrote, this is very good. I'm impressed. There were no grammar or spelling mistakes that I could see, so I'll skip that

I was confused about how she managed to pluck a star out of the sky but you answered that in the end. Just to check, she's floating through heaven? If not, then I don't understand the setting of this. Otherwise, I loved the phrases you used.

Without thinking, she reached out and plucked it out of the sky, ending its trail of sparkling stardust

The one above caught my eye in particular. I really liked the vivid description in it, because it's like you can imagine it almost, which is really cool. Your description was very good but in places, I think you need to expand a little. If she is in the sky, what caused her to be there? You explained why she likes it though, so that's good. However, if she isn't in the sky, where is she? Oh, and I'd love to know how she got to heaven. Is she dead? Or can she just... float?

Keep up the good work though. I really loved this piece

Wow! For a something that you just jumped on the computer to write randomly, this is great! As I was reading, I really didn't get a feel to what the point of this was; however, when I finished I couldn't help but feel sad and understand.

War, anger, hatred, pain, jealousy, rudeness, pollution. She remembered all that was wrong with the world and why she had left. Why she had gone away from the world and joined the stars. Because she couldn’t bear the thought of living in such a horrid world.

I don't know what you had intended, but I interpreted that it like she had ended her life because of all that was going on and that really made me sad! I can't help but like the fact that this made me feel some sort of emotion rather than boredom! Not much happened, but I found it to be really good anyay. There aren't any grammer mistakes I can see so that's a bonus!

Thanks! I'll go through and expand some more, she did end her life and ended up in heaven. I can put a story in about how she commited suicide to add some more action Thanks again for all the reviews!

wow i liked this a lot! (: it was really good. it was deep and descriptive and maybe you could add more about what happened before she ascended into heaven but im wondering if that would shatter the beautiful illusion of the whole thing...?

out of 5, i give it a four. good job keep it up!

I really enjoyed reading this. In the beggining it had the fleeting feeling of timelessness, and towards the end I understood the point of the whole story. The shooting star as an idea was wonderful as an connection to the ending ^^. Grammatically correct, and all that. Like said, for a random story this was quite intriguing. Do keep on writing!

Yours,
The one and only Perverted Iguana~

Hello there.
I really liked this. It's simple but elegant.
A few errors to correct: It should be beauty not beautifulness; the end should say "this is what Heaven is like". I think that's it.
I love your writing style. It has an easy flow to it, and carries a lot of emotion at the same time. The two short stories you have posted thus far have been really engaging and deep. Keep up the good work. Can't wait to read your next piece
-DR

Wow. I had chills while reading that. That was so powerful. But I agree, I think you should make a foreword or something about why she committed suicide. But if the firemen put up a mattress type thing, how could she easily miss it? Wouldn't they try to put it under her? I was just a little confused. But seriously, that was amazing. Great job!

Great use of adjectives to instill the imagery! I liked how this piece started off in a very direct and vague manner, before honing in on the generalization.

I'm Charlotte. I'm 8.

I loved your story but at the end when you said heavens did you mean heaven's? I liked it when you gave description on how it was a horrid world so you joined the stars.

This is Charlotte's dad typing now. Yes, this was indeed a very good story. It flowed attractively and was easy to read. Few stories on YWS are as easy. I'd like to say more but really it is hard to see how it could be improved. The grammar and punctuation are excellent - the only error I spotted was the one Charlotte also noticed which she mentions above.

Well done!

This was really cool. I enjoyed this quite a lot. Keep writing!

The only thing wrong with this was the part of the song that you wrote. You put

Catch a shooting star

It is really catch a falling star.

Other then that I loved this story! I agree, catching a star would feel like heaven.
CassidyRose

You have been touched by an angel.

The possibilities of what Alice could have been- an astrologist, and astronomer- came through my mind before the end. Then it all made sense. Because I didn't entirely understand why she would be flying in the air, unless she was part of some space program. Or dreaming. But after reading that small twist, my heart kind of... I don't know, but it made me sad.): A very pretty piece, I must admit, but saddening, all the same.