Only Time *3*

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Hey guess what my dear reviewers, Belle finally got angry! It was fun to write. :D



May 2010

Why those-them! My face flushes with anger and this time, I make no effort to choke it down. How dare they!?! How dare they hide such a thing from me! Yet deep down I had felt-my face flushed even harder-no matter what I felt! I reach down to pick up my skirts before I notice that they aren't there. A surge of anger flushes through me. They were trying to change me! I storm down the stairs and into the parlor, or whatever the demons of this time called it. Chad was sitting on a plush sofa, watching a strange moving picture box. Hearing my steps, Chad turns around, smiling.
"You look-" he must have seen the look on my face ,because he cut his sentance off, "Belle? What's wrong?"
"Like that matters to you!" I screech, not quite thinking straight. "You and that father of yours are-"
"Are what?" Chad asked, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.
"Cursed mongrels!"
There. That sounded fine, coming from the lips of a girl who had never insulted a soul in her life.
"How dare you!" I continue," No! How dare I? To trust such...dungbeetles!"
"W-What? What in the world are you talking about?"
"You do not know? The slime that you are and you do not know!"
I believe I am finally off my rocker.
"You and you evil father have failed to inform me that I have been taken-Nay, Stolen-from my own time and brought here," the numbers roll around in my mouth," to 2010."
Chad paled and swore under his breath.
"Lord...Dad's gonna kill me. How'd you find out?"
"The calendar."
"Look Belle, I'm sorry but-"
"Sorry! Dear sir do not even attempt to apologize. Just send me home!'
Chad stands up and gently touches my shoulder, "I'm wish-"
I slap away his hand,"Your sinful hand may not touch my skin."
"It's your sleave!" Chad shouts, every inch of kindness fading from his face. "You act like I'm part of this. Like I want you here. Listen here and listen close. I don't want you here.Your a mistake. YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!"
"Why-you!"
"Me what?" Chad askes, exhaustion creeping into his eyes.
"You tired out piece of twenty-first century meat!"
Suddenly, I feel my knees weaken and my breathe quicken.
"Quaint. For your time."
"What and your time is just amazingly better?"
"Of course it is. Your time is gone, dead. Never to be retrieved again, don't you get it? It's in the past. Just like your life should be. Belle, your supposed to be dead."
Looking him squarely in the eyes I open my mouth to say something truly aweful when my knees give out. My body is spread over with a numb feeling and my bones feel like pudding. I gasp for air, fearing the worst.
"Belle? Look I didn't mean it...Belle!"
I fall flat on my back, hitting the floor with a sickening thump.Chad stands over me, but the mist is rising again and he is quickly fading. I must be dying. Death didn't claim me last time, so it must claim me now. Yet I couldn't die. I had so much to give. No...no...please God...just no....

May 1900

My eyes slowly blink open and I see a bright blue sky. Is this heaven? I sit up, greedily wanting more. Instead of white castles, I am faced with a long black road with black iron post decorating it's sides. Red brick homes, each identical to the next, stand on both sides of it. Home. Was the 'twenty-first century' all a bad dream? I push myself up, expecting to hear the satisfying swish of my skirts. Nothing. Glancing down, I see I am still wearing the strange trousers.No...how? I start shaking and silent tears roll down my face and onto the black pavement. What was happening? Taking a deep breath I straighten myself.The only way to get myself out of this mess was to figure out what was going on so that is what I was going to do.I walked down the familiar street, suprised at the freedom my legs felt. How fast I could run, if I wished to.Then I saw her. My mother, still in her fancy green evening dress, pale and crying. I felt a stab of pain. However many times she had betrayed me, she was still my mother. I watch as she walks up to a man ina police officer uniform. Will she notice me?
" A-A man!" she screeches so loud even I can hear her, although I was feet away, " He took my daughter!"
A man took her daughter. That's impossible! I was her one and only daughter and I - well I flew I way, I suppose.
"Ma'am?" The officer's voice echo's down the street.
"Mom?" I yell, holding it in no longer," Stop! I'm right here!"
I start jogging toward her, but she heeds no mind.
"Mother!"
I break into a sprint, landing right in front of my mother.
"I'm right here."
Her eyes go right through me. I wave my hand in front of her face and she barely blinks. I feel like laying down and sobbing my life away. I belong nowhere-or in no time.
"Just find her!'
My mother was practically sobbing and the officers feet. I didn't realize she cared that much.
"Don't worry ma'am. We will doo our best."
My mother thanks the man and then turns toward the spot where I stood. She cannot see me, yet I can perfectly see her. I truly wish I couldn't. Because in those perfect eyes, puffed from fake crying, I see a fearful and evil glint them.That's what I get for having a proffesional actress for a mother. Lies and scandles.
"What am I to do now?" she mused, making sure the officer was gone.
"Go find someone else to go marry your stupid manager that's I scream at her.
Mother turns her head in my direction, shrugs, and then walks toward our home.
"That's right!" I yell at her back," Leave! Go! Don't may any mind to me, your own daughter!"
With that I collapse to the ground, salty tears running down my face. I close my eyes and just rock back and forth. Why had I wanted to home? So I could live with that monster again? So I could live in the rumour my mother had started,that I was in a romance with her young manager? So that I could be forced into a marriage with him, all for my mother's greedy publicity? No. Never again. So now I sit here with fates hard hand stabbing my back. The only world I love and know is here, in the the pitch black. Yet again.
Last edited by Sunshine on Fri Jan 07, 2011 1:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
I have loved the words and I have hated them. I only hope I have made them right.

---The Book Thief---

Hi, I'm Sunshine! It's lovely to meet you!




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Hello there :) I'm Truth! Alright, let's get on with that review, shall we?

May 2010

Why those-them? My face flushes with anger and this time, comma I make no effort to choke it down. How dare they? How dare they hide such a thing from me? Those are questions, not exclamations... well, still exclamations but also questions Yet, comma deep down, comma I had felt feel Stay in present tense as much as possible-my face flushed even harder-no matter what I'd felt feel! I reach down to pick up my skirts, comma before I notice that they aren't there. A surge of anger flushes through me. They were trying to change me! I storm down the stairs and into the parlor, or whatever the demons of this time called it. Chad was sitting on a plush sofa, comma watching a strange, comma moving picture box. Hearing my steps, Chad turns around, smiling.

"You look-" he must have seen the look on my face, comma because he cut his sentence off, comma "Belle? What's wrong?"

"Like that matters any to you!" I screech, not quite thinking straight. "You and that father of yours are-"

"Are what?" Chad asksed, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

"Cursed mongrels!"

There. That sounded fine, comma coming from the lips of a girl who had never insulted a soul in her life.

"How dare you?" I continue," No! How dare I? To trust such...dungbeetles!"

"W-What? What in the world are you talking about?"

"You do not know? The slime that you are and you do not know!"

I believe I am finally off my rocker.Uh.. what?

"You and you evil father have failed to inform me that I have been taken- Nay, Stolen- from my own time and brought to this here," the numbers roll around in my mouth," 2010."

Chad paled and swore under his breathe.

"Lord...Dad's gonna kill me. How'd you find out?"

"The calendar."

"Look Belle, I'm sorry but-"

"Sorry! Dear sir do not even attempt to apologize. Just send me home!'

Chad stands up and gently touches my shoulder, comma "I'm wish-"

I slap away his hand, comma "Your sinful hand may not touch my skin."

"It's your sleeve!" Chad shouts, every inch of kindness fading from his face. "You act like I'm apart of this, comma like I want you here. Listen here, comma and listen close. I don't want you here.Your a mistake. YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!"

"Why-you!"

"Me what?" Chad askes, exhaustion creeping into his eyes.

"You tiredIs that what you meant? out piece of twenty-first century meat!"

Suddenly, I feel my knees weaken and my breathe quicken.

"Quaint. For your time."

"What and your time is just amazingly better?"

"Of course it is. Your time is gone, comma dead. Never to be retrieved again. Get it? It's in the past, comma just like your life should be. Belle, your supposed to be dead."

Looking him squarely in the eyes, comma I open my mouth to say something truly awful, comma when my knees finally give out. My body is spread over with a numb feeling and my bones feel like pudding. I gasp for air, fearing the worst.

"Belle? Look I didn't mean it...Belle!"

I fall flat on my back, hitting the floor with a sickening thump.I thought she was already sprawled? Chad stands over me, but the mist is rising again and he is quickly fading. I must be dying. Death didn't claim me last time, so it must claim me now. Yet But, I couldn't die, comma I had so much to give. No...no...please, comma God...just no....

May 1900

My eyes slowly blink open and I see a bright blue sky. Is this heaven? I sit up, greedily wanting more. Instead of white castles, I am faced with a long, comma black road, comma with black iron post decorating its sides. Red brick homes, each identical to the next, stand on both sides of it the road. Home.

Was the 'twenty-first century' all a bad dream? I push myself up, expecting to hear the satisfying swish of my skirts. Nothing. Glancing down, I see I am still wearing the strange trousers.No...how? I start shaking and silent tears roll down my face and onto the black pavement. What was happening? Taking a deep breath, comma I straighten myself.The only way to get myself out of this mess is to figure out what was going on, comma so that is what I am going to do.

I walked down the familiar street, surprised at the freedom my legs felt. How fast I can run, if I wished to.Then I see her. My mother, still in her fancy green evening dress, pale and crying. I feel a stab of pain. No matter how many times she had betrayed me, she is still my mother. I watch as she walks up to a man in a police officer uniform. You could probably just say 'a police officer' here. Will she notice me?

" A-A man!" she screeches[color=#FF0000], comma[/color] so loud even I can hear her, although I was feet away, " He took my daughter!"

A man took her daughter. That's impossible! I was her one and only daughter and I - well I flew away, I suppose.

"Ma'am?" The officer's voice echoes down the street.

"Mom?" I yell, holding it in no longer," Stop! I'm right here!" I start jogging toward her, but she heeds no mind, "Mother!" I break into a sprint, landing right in front of my mother, "I'm right here."
Her eyes go right through me. I wave my hand in front of her face and she barely blinks. I feel like laying down and sobbing my life away. I belong nowhere-or in no time.

"Just find her!'

My mother was practically sobbing at the officer's feet. I didn't realize she cared that much.

"Don't worry ma'am. We will doo our best."

My mother thanks the man, comma and then turns towards the spot where I stood. She cannot see me, yet I can perfectly see her. I truly wish I couldn't. Because, comma in those perfect eyes, puffed from fake crying, I see a fearful and evil glint them.That's what I get for having a professional actress for a mother. Lies and scandals.

"What am I to do now?" she mused, making sure the officer was gone.

"Go find someone else to go marry your stupid manager," I scream at her.

Mother turns her head in my direction, shrugs, and then walks toward our home.

"That's right!" I yell at her back," Leave! Go! Don't may any mind to me This last part doesn't make any sense., your own daughter!"

With that, comma I collapse to the ground, salty tears running down my face. I close my eyes and just rock back and forth. Why had I wanted to come home? So I could live with that monster again? So I could live in the rumor my mother had started,that I was in a romance with her young manager? So that I could be forced into a marriage with him,and all for my mother's greedy publicity? No. Never again. So now, comma I sit here with fates hard hand stabbing my back. The only world I love and know is here, in the the pitch black darkness. Yet again.


Overall, I think you should revise your work before posting it. It seems your sentences are a little short and choppy, but it's not too bad, just make sure not too have too many periods in there and you'll be fine :) Also, I can see you might have so trouble with your verb tenses. Be sure to keep all of your verbs in the present tense when you are talking about the present. I see you like switching it back and forth but it's not correct.
Other than that, it's pretty good! It has a lot of potential :) I like it.
Keep on writing!

Feel free to PM me if you've got any questions as too what I've corrected above, or want me to review more.

-Truth-
.- <3 -.



Stop being mean to your self-insert character, you're just being mean to yourself.
— WeepingWisteria