His Name Was Joel

His name was Joel, and at the time I liked him very much. He was one of those guys, you know, the one you just know your mother wish you’d marry. He was broke at the time, but he had his own apartment and mode of transportation, he wasn’t in debt, he was in school, and in a year he’d have a full ride scholarship to a seminary. He was devoted to his faith, nice, really nice, really really nice, really really fucking nice. He was nice to the point that I’d thought it had to be an act. I was so sure he was just pretending to be nice, but he wasn’t, he was just like that.

I met him in philosophy class. At the time I was one of those girls, you know the type, still rebellious even in college so we could only get into a cheap state school that we really didn’t want to go to but we also didn’t want to get a real job. I liked sex, drugs, and rock and roll… though really just sex and rock and roll, and I’d decided to stop having sex for a while too… but I was an atheist and I met this guy, this really really fucking nice guy who was a hardcore Christian and I really really fucking hated him.

We got paired off for a project on religion and I really didn’t want to work with him. I took one look at him and assumed he was that type of Christian, the type that judges everyone, but he never was. He was perfectly happy with what he believed and never tried to make me follow what he believed. I just got so comfortable with him and what he believed that eventually I started to believe it too.

I started dating him. He set ground rules and I followed ‘em. I’m glad I did now… now that I know what he was like, what he did. At the time I thought it was just part of what he believed. He told me very plainly that he didn’t want to be pressured into sex and that he was going to wait until marriage. I wasn’t used to that line, but I didn’t push it. He really wasn’t like any other guy I’d met. I know why now… but then I thought… I just thought… I don’t know what I thought.

I remember I brought him home to my meet my parents. I think my mom was ready to faint. He was exactly the boy she’d always wanted me to marry; handsome, clean cut, conservative Christian with good family values… and she hadn’t even had to introduce me to him. To say that she approved of us was an understatement. After that I followed him out to Seminary. There were other colleges out there, and I liked the idea of going to a grad school near my boyfriend.

That was a good time for me… for us… so was the wedding, so was the honeymoon. I got pregnant; we had kids, moved to a nice suburb… I was so sure that I was on my way to becoming an out and out soccer mom living the American dream… until recently.

The more I got to know Joel the more I found out about him. His parents died in a car crash when he was a kid. He didn’t have any other family to take him in so he went to an orphanage. His family had enough money that when he got to college he didn’t have to kill himself with school loans and could live in his own apartment. I thought he was so lucky because he didn’t have to live in the dorms… but then I found out why he had lived alone… I can’t believe I never figured it out before this.

He’s like an open secret you see. He was all smiles mostly. He’s a really open guy. I hated him at first because I thought he was so perfect… he was so perfect and I could never be like that… when I found out that he’d been a self destructive teenager I couldn’t imagine it. He showed me the scars on his wrists from where he tried to kill himself; three vertical cuts on each wrist. I barely believed him then… but then he told me his preacher man story…

I never did get the guy’s name, but Joel said the older man was his hero. The old preacher helped Joel when he was a suicidal teenager, brought him to God… all that jazz. I never met him. He died before I could meet him. It seems some druggie he was trying to help actually killed him. A lot of people though Joel was going to become suicidal again after the preacher man died… but he went a same but different direction… of course you know that or we wouldn’t be here.

I love Joel… I do. He’s my husband, and I love him… and I’ve never been afraid of him… but he does scare me. I think it’s faded as he got older, like he believes it less… but you know what he did. He told me that God would come and tell him who he was supposed to kill. He was God’s champion, he said. He was like the judge Sampson. He told me that he killed the ones who were too evil to be allowed in this world… out of all the things he did you know he got the people you couldn’t. The pedophiles and the murderers… it was just that one thing that never made sense.

The way he talks… I know you said it already, but I think so too… He’s so nice, and he’s so smart, and open… and he starts talking like that, explains that he hid what he did because our society would not accept a man killing anyone, especially many people… it makes me really feel like he’s telling the truth… like maybe God is talking to him… except for that one thing.

Those girls that he dated, who tried to sleep with him… who he killed because they were too far gone to save… it’s that one thing that makes me sure that he is insane… I do love him… but he needs help. I’ve told you all this so maybe you’ll understand that he shouldn’t be executed, he needs real psychiatric help… besides Officer, you just need to cut him a little break… after all, he did save the state the trouble of catching, trying, executing and burying all those criminals.

Firstly, I thought this seemed a little rambly. I know that was the effect you were going for, but cut out some of the ellipses. In a lot of places they're unnecessary, plus it doesn't make the story look good.

I liked the twist at the end-is that based on that show Dexter? Never actually seen it, but this sounds a lot like it-the vigilante serial-killer. But knowing what happens at the end makes the rest of the story seem a little strange-like the fact that she has to tell the police officer 'His name was Joel'. It would make more sense if she was talking to someone else-someone making a documentary, or a reporter.

The more I got to know Joel the more I found out about him.

Um, aren't those kinda the same thing? Perhaps: "The more time I spent with Joel the more I found out about him."

The end sentence wasn't that memorable-it was too long and not that effective. Make it more... punchy.

I did like it, in case that's not coming through. Keep writing, and I notice your new, so welcome aboard (I thought a ship analogy was the best... let's say it's a pirate ship)

I loved the theme you chose, the character of Joel is interesting and intriguing. when you started unveiling his thoughts on killing those who deserved to be killed, it sent chills down my spine.

A question though, why did your other protagonist (his wife) marry him if she was wary of him? Didn't she know about his thoughts when she married him?

Another thing is that the story doesn't have that great a flow. If you could add a bit more detail to the transition of Joel's character, it would be great.

Simply put, I loved your story and its plot. Just improve the flow a bit. Otherwise, you have done a great job!

I liked this... it was unexpected at the end. Somehow i kind of got lost in the middle but other than that, it was well written! (: keep it up.

Well, this took me by surprise. Congradulations, not very many things can do that! Trust me too, it was a good surprise.

I like how it rambles and the whole time the reader's thinking "teenage romance gone wrong...sob story yadayada why hasn't it happened yet?" and we keep waiting, keep wondering what's going to go wrong, where and when and when we find out we're just blown.

The story shows the depth and change of the characters, though the narrator seems a tad flat, which you can probably get away with since it's a letter rather than a story. You did a very good job "justifying" Joel, he's not just crazy for no reason, we understand why he's crazy.

I really liked this, good job.
~Alice~

Well, this took me by surprise. Congradulations, not very many things can do that! Trust me too, it was a good surprise.

I like how it rambles and the whole time the reader's thinking "teenage romance gone wrong...sob story yadayada why hasn't it happened yet?" and we keep waiting, keep wondering what's going to go wrong, where and when and when we find out we're just blown.

The story shows the depth and change of the characters, though the narrator seems a tad flat, which you can probably get away with since it's a letter rather than a story. You did a very good job "justifying" Joel, he's not just crazy for no reason, we understand why he's crazy.

I really liked this, good job.
~Alice~

I think this story needs more direction. I disagree with Alice, i completely don't like the ramblings of this character. Also, when she talks about, "sex drugs and rock and roll and being an atheist. And a project on religion (Huh)" I don't care about that and i doubt the officer she's supposed to be talking to gives a damn either.

Also why did she have to tell her life story to the Officer, SHE didn't kill anyone.

With a little more thought this could be real good. Work on that flow.