Grade School

Looks like this is my first submission. I hope someone likes it. xD

Hiya! Welcome to Young Writers Society! Congrats on you first post! Let me just say that I am honored to be the first person to comment on your first post! Anyhoo, I thought it was a neat little poem. I also thought it was cool that you put it in the formation of a pyramid! Have fun on YWS!

Byez!

Hello there and welcome to YWS!
I really found this interesting. I commend you for building a pyramid out of words. I'll take it as a statement. What I don't understand, or maybe I'm just looking too much into it, is the fact that the narrator says that school is awesome and then has a change of heart. If it was intentional, I think you should have written something that would have meshed or explained that statement as sarcasm, for example.
Overall, it was very creative of you to have this in the form of a pyramid. Good job.

Keep writing and good luck!

Cool, pyramid! Anyways, your actual poem. It's simple and blunt, but not necessarily bad. Saying that, though, I kind of wish you'd put more depth into it. It was just so straightforward there was nothing to really think about. Kind of like me saying, "I had a dog." Well, yeah. That's it. The end. As opposed to someone stretching it into something that expresses a dog's loyalty or friendliness or whatever. What I'm trying to get at is a purpose. What are you trying to tell us?
All the same, I can tell you're really trying to stick to the cool pyramid formation. That's pretty neat.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Well, I thought I had seen next to everything, and then you brig up a pyramid of words! Let me guess: is there a mummy made of grammar lurking inside?

All humor aside, I was impressed by the way this was written (ie pyramid form) but as far as how it was written, not too much. I agree with Ziggie about the transition. It seems a little unexplained and out of the blue. At first it sounds as if the narrator is cool with school, then he turns around and starts like baggin' out it or something. Also, that last line seems a little misworded to me. But, then again, that may just be me.

Dear NovemberNovelist,
I am going to give you a very important tip that will help you VERY much throughout your time here on YWS. It is not the best idea to make a poem just for the shape because odds are the words aren't going to be very meaningful. If you want to write a shape poem about a funny orange cat that you don't intend to have any sort of meaning to, then by all means go right ahead. But for the most part, you should write the poem FIRST! Then you can try to rearange the words in attempt to make it look like a certain shap. But in your poem, I felt like the sentences you wrote were very boring and unmeaning full. With your poem, I felt like you felt that you didn't have the freedom to explain yourself just because you wanted to keep the pyramid shape. And also, I must criticize your third line: "It is Awsome" is a very boring shallow line that is unneeded in the poem. As a matter of fact I think there were quite a few lines that my thoughts arent very different on. Overall, I think this poem needs a little work. You have to really work at poems because trust me, I struggle with them just as much as the next person. But when you spend a long time on a poem and put it out there for the public, thats when you get the rewards and the self satisfaction. Make sure you feel good about what you are putting out for others to read. Now PLEASE don't be angry with me because I know some people don't like being criticized, but this is just constructive criticism. If you need any tips on how to revise this poem, please don't hesitate to contact me! I would be more than willing to help you out! Hope I helped!!!

Well, I'd like to thank everyone for their replies. I guess the pattern I was going for wasn't as obvious as I wanted it to be. It was supposed to show a person's journey through school. Each line represents a grade level, and the number of words correspond to the grade level. I was also trying to get each line to sound like what someone of that grade level would say. Like a third grader might think school was awesome, a sixth grader might be confused about change, or an eleventh grader might be frusterated with taking AP classes. I guess maybe going for the pyramid shape detracted from the pattern. After rereading it, I do see that it could use some improvement. I think I'll try to use all of your suggestions to revise it