Renew

ehte92 wrote:Refresh the spirit
Renew your soul I like this opening. It's short and it catches the reader off guard, making them think "What the--?"

Face your dread Don't fear it
Find new opportunities Go near it Why are you capitalizing these words when they are in the middle of the sentence? As far as I can tell, they don't really hold any specific meaning or sentience and it just makes the reader think that you forgot to put them into their own lines.
Make them your goal
And then again you will be whole

Your spirit now is brand new
People like this are many a few
Now take it seriously
Don't fail as previously

This is your golden chance
Don't enter a trance
So take a perfect stance
And make your future enhance

This will make you feel gay
And your consciousness glad
Don't worry this work is gonna pay
And you will say--- "I ain't that bad..!!!" Even if you're using a fake word, make sure to spell it right! "Ain't" is like a contraction in that it has an apostrophe as well. Also, why are you suddenly changing your rhyme scheme in the last stanza? I mean, if you're going to do that, it makes more sense to do it say in the middle. Honestly, the stanza itself reads well and is good, I like it, but as far as connecting with the rest of the work, it seems to just jump off the tracks all together.

ehte92 wrote:Refresh the spirit
Renew your soul

Face your dread. Don't fear it
Find new opportunities. Go near it
Make them your goal
And then again you will be whole - I think this isn't needed. It sounds better without them in my opinion.

Your spirit now is brand new
People like this are many a few
Now take it seriously
Dont fail as previously

This is your golden chance
Dont enter a trance - I know you were trying to rhyme but this sounds...odd.
So take a perfect stance
And make your future enhance

This will make you feel gay - Why would it make a person feel gay? Unless they had a soul of a different gender, I don't see how.
And your consciousness glad
Don't worry this work is gonna pay
And you will say--- "I aint that bad..!!!" - What did this mean? I felt like it had nothing in common with the poem.

ehte92 wrote:Refresh the spirit
Renew your soul
Nice opening lines- they're catching, but can still open up into a lot of different possibilities.

Face your dread Don't fear it
Find new opportunities Go near it Why did you capitalize "don't" and "go"? It kind of feels like they were separate lines once upon a time, and you took out the spaces and forgot to change the rest.
Make them your goal
And then again you will be whole Why exactly are you made whole when you set a goal? Is setting the goal the thing that yous you satisfaction, or is achieving it?

Your spirit now is brand new
People like this are many a few
Now take it seriously
Dont fail as previously Really like these two last lines.

This is your golden chance
Dont enter a trance
So take a perfect stance
And make your future enhance The past three lines sound really awkward, and feel like they were just added in so you could write the first.

This will make you feel gay
And your consciousness glad
Don't worry this work is gonna pay
And you will say--- "I aint that bad..!!!"