A Life Lost, Another Born

A Life Lost, Another Born

Swerving into a fatal turn,
Cries and screams were heard,
Metal melt, pain felt,
Tears shed at her final words.

Sudden emptiness filled my mind,
Her hasty departure petrified me,
Without goodbye, I cry,
Reaching out for you uselessly.

Years go by so very slow,
Spent by ignoring the reality,
She’s gone, I’m alone.
To me she was absolute royalty.

One day life bloomed in my eyes,
Existence replaced the dull cold,
Passion glazed, love blazed,
Making my way into a new world.

This poem took me longer than I expected, I feel the last stanza needs some work.. But oh well. Enjoy.

Its hard to put such emotions into words.I would say its flawless.Good job Toe.

And talking about the last stanza I think its nice enough but I wish this piece of work was bit more longer,but nevertheless I enjoyed it.

Thanks, I'm flattered you called it flawless.

Hey,

So I really loved the poem, but I agree that the last stanza could use some work

One day life bloomed in my eyes,
Existence replaced the dull cold,
Passion glazed, love blazed,
Making my way into a new world.

So for the first line, it was great and introducted the last stanza well. Then it goes on to Existence replaced the dull cold. I felt like existence really would be living, just existing so existence would be with the dull cold, or existence would replace living, but not Existence replaced the dull, cold. Do you get what I mean. Then you went on and said passion glazed, love blazed making my way into a new world. I liked the last line but not the third one. If "she" is gone then why would passion glaze and love blaze. Maybe No Passion or love blazed.... The first three stanzas were fantastic and the 1rst and 4th line of the last stanza were fantastic, but the 2nd and 3rd line could use some work. Pm if you have any questions and I hope I was of some help.

-lilgreendots <3

Sweet poem, dude! I always like short and sweet poetry like this!

Okay, now that that's out of the way, onto the real review:

Sudden emptiness filled my mind,
Her hasty departure petrified me,
Without goodbye, I cry, This line needs work. It's too short for the rhythm to match the rest of the poem. Maybe try something like "Without goodbye, I began to cry" or something like that.
Reaching out for you uselessly.

One day life bloomed in my eyes,
Existence replaced the dull cold,
Passion glazed, love blazed,
Making my way into a new world.

I think you should elaborate on this stanza more, maybe adding some more to the entire poem. Why did the narrator suddenly regain a reason to live? Why did he all of a sudden decide to move on? I understand it's a natural thing to move on after time, but certainly there's a reason if love is being blazed from it.

Again, nice poem. Short and sweet and effective.

Thanks..

It was a good poem about a guy that lost his love and went to "a new world". It was really sad though. I especially liked how you described the feeling and the choice of words for it.