To be completely honest, I see nothing that needs to be changed or fixed. My only problem is the lack of capitalization and punctuation, but that's just because I'm a grammar Nazi and am intense about correct grammar. Anyways, a few problems or things I thought were off were how you numbered each stanza. I mean, since you kept in consistent it's nothing really major, but it's still funny to look at. It causes an unnecessary pause after each stanza when the reader could just keep going and not stop, thus keeping the rhythm established flowing well. My other problem was that although you lack any punctuation throughout the majority of this poem, you still added a question mark after the first line in the second stanza. Why? If you are doing a poem in this style, maybe it'd be best to avoid questions all together.
I'm striving to be the Architect of the Apocalypse, Master of the Massacre, Ruler of the Rapture, and the Führer of the Fatal.
"It is the tale, not he who tells it." --Stephen King
Your poem is great! Continue writing poems like this. There is no punctuation mistake, but like TheWalkinDude said, it's best to avoid the question mark, if you are going to write poems like that. Well, anyways, your poem is wonderful.
Keep reading and reviewing!
vstarfirix
P.S. Did you really write this poem?
"We are all mad here." said the Cheshire cat. Alice In Wonderland
Read my story chapters: Nature's Elements - Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four.
