a girl's sadness eased

"Roses... Flowers for love..." The girl said as she looked at the rose, a single long stemmed rose; its head a deep black, barely any red visible. 4:28 P.M. She had just returned from her father's funeral; the last remaining member of her already too small family; gone with a gasping breath. She sat down on her small bed, all she had left before they came looking for her. Her dress, a deep black color that matched her mood, would soon wrinkle if she sat like this for long.
She asked herself, 'Do I even care, anymore?' No. I don't.'Should she care?' Why should I? Does the world care for me?'Did it even matter?' Not to me. Not anymore...Why should I survive? My mother couldn't, what makes me any different?' Why should I? What did make me different? 'I should end it now… Before another person I love dies; they all do... I should, what's stopping me?
"I'd like to think that I am, miss."
The girl wipes her wet eyes, she must've been crying... She looks at the clock, 7:53P.M. She looks down at the tear covered rose, or what was once a rose. The rose was transforming into some creature, the stem was turning into a tail, the petals into wings, and the core elongating and turning into a small draconic beastie. It turned to look at the girl, its red rose eyes full of sadness.
"Milady, I may look frightening, but I am not evil, not unless you want me to be." The girl's eyes widen in fright, this can't be happening, she must've hit her head... Or something! This rose was not talking to her.
"If I may be so brunt, you have bad thoughts hovering around you." The beast looked up at the girl, her eyes full of empathy. "Life isn't over for you; you have much to look forward to. Do not end it because of sadness. Life is full of sadness, don't cut it short." The beast spread its petal-wings and half leapt half flew onto the girl's shoulder. "Milady, don't be sad. There will be people here for you."
The girl smiled sadly, "But... as soon as you go... I'll be alone again. I don't like being alone."
The dragon beast seemed to smile, placing its tiny paw on the girl's cheek. "I'll be here as long as you need me to be... Now sleep, you've had a long day."
The girl's eye lids were suddenly very heavy; she was fighting to keep them open.
"M'kay..." She said as she lies down, it had been a long day. The dragon-like beast curled up on her stomach. The girl smiled in her sleep, forgetting all the bad things, if only for a moment.
She sits up at a knock on her door, "Jenna? Are you OK?" Her mother's, and her, friend asked. She opened the door, and checked on Jenna, "That's a pretty flower... Who gave it to you?"
Jenna sat up, catching the rose as it slid. I'm still here, miss. Don't despair, miss, I'm still here. She heard in her head as she caught the flower. Jenna smiled, remembering the beast.
"A good friend, Shelby, a good friend..." she laid down again next to her new friend and fell to sleep


TO BE CONTINUED

hope you like it

Hello there
There was a problem with you sentence structures.

"Roses... Flowers for love..." The girl said (there should be a full stop here) (start a new sentence)as she looked at the rose, a single long stemmed rose; its head a deep black, barely any red visible. 4:28 P.M. She had just returned from her father's funeral; the last remaining member of her already too small family; gone with a gasping breath(this statement is very confusing to me). She sat down on her small bed, all she had left before they came looking for her. Her dress, a deep black color that matched her mood, would soon wrinkle if she sat like this for long.

She asked herself, 'Do I even care, anymore?' No. I don't.'Should she care?' Why should I? Does the world care for me?'Did it even matter?'

I think there are too many questions in this and as it continues. They take all the attention from the story. Why don't you select a few and go with those. When writing a story and you try to put the reader in suspense, leave the reader to ask themselves these questions without having to point them out in such a number. Besides, it's too early to be asking so many questions when I don't know what's really going on yet; they are confusing and don't leave any hope for the rest of the story. So, start the story...I'm waiting.

The girl wipes (wiped?) her wet eyes, she must've been crying... She looks at the clock, 7:53P.M. She looks down at the tear covered rose, or what was once a rose. The rose was transforming into some creature, the stem was turning into a tail, the petals into wings, and the core elongating and turning into a small draconic beastie. It turned to look at the girl, its red rose eyes full of sadness.

The tense in this paragraph does not match the tense you used before. You seem to be confusing them through out the story as well. Try revising that.

Generally, I felt this story was very rushed. There was very little detail and thus out of what you have so far, I still don't have a clear picture of the setting, who your MC is, what's going on, the depth of emotions and feelings. The MC is in mourning, but still I find the mood confusing.
What I'll give you is the fact that your writing is not all that bad. There were some points where you described certain aspects very well. Overall, I found the story blunt, but I'm guessing all will be cleared as it continues.
I hope I was of help.
Keep writing and good luck.

Hey there Dragon!

Your introduction to your piece could use some more power. It's a bit confusing with the lack of information that you have. Try to make this longer and deeper, exactly what happened? I know that someone has died and she's mourning but pick out the little things that make it more interesting to read. Right now, I can't really feel her emotions.

She asked herself, 'Do I even care, anymore?' No. I don't.'Should she care?' Why should I? Does the world care for me?'Did it even matter?' Not to me. Not anymore...Why should I survive? My mother couldn't, what makes me any different?' Why should I? What did make me different? 'I should end it now… Before another person I love dies; they all do... I should, what's stopping me?

I think you should just omit this part or at least rewrite this because it's quite confusing to read and to understand. Try giving us more information or her feelings instead of her talking to herself.

It turned to look at the girl, its red rose eyes full of sadness.

This is a bit of an awkward sentence. You had a few of those in here, if you read over this twice you might spot them here and there.

she must've hit her head... Or something!

Don't need the ellipses here.

Overall, it's interesting to see that a little dragon-like creature is a rose and it makes me wonder what sort of magic it holds. So you've got some mystery, some sadness, a character but this character is a bit lacking in personality. Again, if you make this longer and give us more information regarding her feelings and do some more characterization, it'd be more fun to read.

All the best,
-Pink

Hello there, Dragons!

Here to review.

"Roses... Flowers for love..." The girl said as she looked at the rose,

Just remember that if you are placing a speech tag after a dialog (like "she said" or "she replied), only write a comma not a period. So it should be like this: "flowers for love," she said..." And plus, I don't think you need ellipses twice in a row.

I think Ziggiefred has covered up the nitpicks. So I just want to say my final thoughts. Yes, it seems a bit rushed that it starts to bother me off, I can't keep up. No offence though, you have a splendid story idea and the dialogs happening in each character are good actually. Then I start to look at the title again. Emotions are a bit abrupt and unrealistic, it only appears that your character's thoughts are only standing out here. And there is a slight awkwardness popping out with your structures.

Second of all, try to show don't tell. Sometimes I couldn't relate to your character's actions and environment around her. Because if you would always tell, it makes your prose weaker. ^^ And this seems like a very rough draft, there are just some places that tends to be a bit confusing.

Overall, this has potential. Just try to reread and proofread your piece again. Hope this helps and PM me for any questions.

Keep writing,
Yuri

I really like this, there were some nitpicks but I'm not going to point them out because some already have.
I liked the way you described the way the rose transformed.
It was a great short story to read (:
I wish I had come up with and idea like this one, simple but entertaining.

Keep writing!
~FreshBlush