The New Ways of Old Death

Author's note: This is another part to my apocalypse series. If you haven't already, check out my short story work-in-progress "Apocalypse, Ferrets, and Ruins" or even my novel I'm working on, Perfect Fit. This is the first poem I've started working on for this kind of thing, and I'm really hoping it turns out well. I do plan on expanding on this, however, but it'll be in a second poem probably. So for right now, this is the whole poem. Please, enjoy.

Death lives through
Me and humanities sins.
We dine together sometimes
And rid all of the has-beens.

A world where we two
Dominate, control, and thrive
Is not far from here.
Not even time can survive.

Bright lights in the sky?
Virus of life can't multiply?
Horrors of man cease to exist
As God ends Earth's sickening cyst.

My life, technically, has yet to begin.
You still have time to forget your sin.
But I'll still be hiding in wait
For Death's hunger will always tease fate.

Death lives through
Me I'm debating weather this would sound better with the line above? and humanities sins.
We dine together sometimes,
And rid all of the has-beens.

A world where we two
Dominate, control, and thrive
Is not far from here.
Not even time can survive.Not sure what this line is about..

Bright lights in the sky?
Virus of life can't multiply?I love these two!
Horrors of man cease to exist
As God ends Earth's sickening cyst.

My life, technically, has yet to begin.
You still have time to forget your sin.
But I'll still be hiding in wait
For Death's hunger will always tease fate. And love this last stanza

I really like this poem. The title drew me in and I was not decieved Great job! I'll remember to check out the rest
Keep on writing!

-Truth-

How interesting! A few lines were hard to understand but all in all very interesting. The end makes me giggle evilly. The change in rhyme pattern threw me off. I assume it was on purpose though.

Anyway great job and very interesting!

Hello there 'dude'
Since you're an avid reviewer, I felt almost obliged to review one of your works. Anyway, on to the review.

I really like the mood you set to this. It's very dark and edgy. Also, I felt you had a consistent rhythm or flow through out the poem. I think it's very commendable that you could write a short story and then write a poem in conjunction to it. Cool. However, at time I could not help but feel like the poem was just not linking properly. Like you jumped from one idea to another without joining their ends. I don't know if you get me. I think it would have been much more appealing. By this I'm referring to each stanza.
I really, really loved this line

As God ends Earth's sickening cyst.

It's so powerful and demanding; quite excellent.
Good job on this.
Keep writing and good luck!