Hebrews 13:2

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 5741
Reviews 49
Hebrews 13:2

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing so some people have entertained angels.
“ Hebrews 13:2,” The Holy Bible

In these fractured shadows,
They made you
Of me, and it was no longer
You bleeding, but my hands
Pinned to the Cross. How is it I
Can be so easily
Transformed into an angel?

No answer, because it was me entering,
Choosing to step over
The threshold made concave
By feet like dry whispers.
Come now, take my warm
Hand, alive; remember
We are alone here. Not even God

Has come yet to Mass. It is early,
And morning light
Pushes distinct colors through the stained
Glass imitation of Hebrews
13:2. The air is no different
Here, though perhaps dustier
Because the old caretaker

Had forgotten, with his tired
Mind, to air out the great
Hall before leaving. There is not
Much change in one’ s psyche,
I am afraid; but look: see those angels
There, on the wall. Some man
Made something beautiful

In a place where loveliness
Has been hung
Out to dry, in the crumbling
Pages of a black book.
They are bright colors, cut
Into geometric shapes
That hold the light like the sweaty

Palm of Mary. Angels, three,
Hold court there; they
Are eating out of the Holy Grail,
And they have haloes
That remind me of the Vietnamese hats.
Gone to work in the rice fields.
Outside, with light streaming from a sunset

The color of the middle angel’ s robes.
I wonder if he is,
That man, the host or the stranger.
A pitcher, cracked,
Has poured milk for an immortal
Cat, and just behind
Is a door, curtains pushed open

By a stranger. I should like to have been
That stranger, the one who knelt
And stared reverently at the dawn
Before the Lord awoke and invited
Me to dine on fruit and bread
That is hot, heavy. I came here,
Lonesome. I did not ask for a meal.

A/N: It's been a while, yeah. (:
First Draft of a poem I'm editing currently; before I post a second draft, though, I'd love some opinions on what could be fixed with this one. I prefer the beginning...but it's going to get ripped apart anyway, so all CC is great.
"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."
~Winnie the Pooh




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2016
Reviews 81
Well, I think I'll have to read it quite a few more times before I can actually understand what's going on in this poem. But maybe that's just me and my slow brain, who knows.

I do think you have quite a poetic voice here, but I was distracted by the awkward chopiness of many of the lines, perhaps due to lack or poor use of punctuation. I also was not a big fan of when you included "Hebrews 13:2" in the poem, because I don't think numerical references are very poetic, and it felt kind of random, even though I know it isn't random. It just didn't feel like it belonged there.

I think my favorite part is the very last line: "Lonesome. I did not ask for a meal." I have no idea why, but I like the finality/ not really finality of it. That probably makes no sense to you, so I do apologize. Point is, I like that line. I'm sorry my critique can't be more constructive. In fact, I'd be surprised if I am making much sense at all right now. I'm a bit too sleepy to think terribly critically about what this poem is all about, so please forgive my lack of intelligent commentary.

I did enjoy reading your poem, by the way, so thanks for the good read :)
"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." ~ the catcher in the rye




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 5741
Reviews 49
Thanks for your review!
Yes, my first drafts tend to be long. And rambling. Hopefully this is what I will be fixing in my second draft, and thanks for the advice there.
I'll definitely take a look at my punctuation; it probably isn't it's best at the moment.
I appreciated your mention of not including 13:2 in the poem; it hadn't occurred to me to remove it, and now I can see that it is kind of distracting from the rest of the poem. The title kind of includes it anyway.

Thanks very much for your time!

--Glim
"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."
~Winnie the Pooh



If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion.
— Noam Chomsky