it is told from alternating views, Stephen and Olivia. I would REALLLLLLLYYY honestly appreciate ANY input even negative! I have lots written, so if you guys want to read more let me know! I haven't edited or anything, so pay no attention to grammar or spelling errors. Prolouge
How many moments in your life can you say "this is where it all changed" for me, it's three. The moment I met him, the moment I fell for him and the moment I lost him. Thinking about it now, none of these moments of change were even recognized until far after they happened, they just seemed to melt into one another. If I could choose to forget one month in my entire life, I think it would have been January. Call it blind optimisum but dispite the circumstances, I loved the winter season for various reasons. one being I adore the snow, most people see the snow as a burden brought upon our town, a cause of nothing but accidents and traffic jams and cold whether. But I believe there is something magical about snow fall, it’s a reminder that the seasons eventually come and go, and that time doesn’t stop for anyone, regardless if we are ready for it or not.
A fantasy of mine has always been to be kissed under a snowfall, most people would say the rain, but to me there is nothing romantic about a brutal storm getting in the way of perfect bliss, snow is calm, there is nothing calm about the rain. another was the fact that it was a new year, I consider a new year a chance to start over, to put everything in the past and break into something better. That was exactly what I intended to do, I had a new perspective, new goals that I wanted to fulfill, I could already tell I was in for a good year. But things never go as smoothly as they do in your mind. Although little did I know my life was, if this was even possible, about to get worse than it already was, I still found comfort in these two things. sometimes I think it's my own fault, you cannot really blame anyone else for getting what you wished for. In some ways I didn't, but in others I got exactly what I asked for, even if it wasn't exactly in the way I was hoping. It all led up to January 23rd 2010, oh how I wish I could tell myself then what I know now, there are so many things I would say. First, I would remind myself that first impressions aren't very important, people say you can tell a lot about a person by how they present themselves the first time you meet. I don’t believe in this. No one is ever what they seem when you first meet them, you really have to dig deep and get to know people to figure out the true them, so first impressions, are often wrong, oh so very wrong. Second, I would tell myself moving on is never easy, and sometimes you never really do move on, because it seems like every time you turn around you are back exactly where you began. You just wish those feelings would go away, but life doesn’t work that way, you can’t just not like someone, if the feelings were strong before, chances are they won’t ever completely go away. I find this especially true when you are with that person, things start to get tough, you find yourself just wanting to hold them forever, because it’s that very feeling you get when your holding them that makes you feel so special, and you don’t ever want that to go away. and third I would tell myself there is no one I'm not with now who I should be with now. And all things that turned into dead ends, turn into dead ends for a reason. If I felt this way then, it wouldn't be so hard to sleep at night.
CHAPTER ONE: Olivia
January 23rd 2010
I locked the door behind me as I entered the bedroom, Victoria, Robin, and Jayce following closely behind.
"Hide it" I motion my finger towards the bed, Jayce slips the bottles underneath as I pull my Ipod from my purse and place it in the dock. I turn on a song to help me relax. These nights are always so filled with anticipation, it makes me nervous. I stare blankly into my closet, wondering what to wear. I settle on my favorite pair of plain dark denim jeans, and a pink knit off the shoulder sweater. I always find myself worrying about these kinda of things at the beginning of the night, but whenever we go out it's always the same, I go into with so much hope, because at the beginning of the night, anything can happen, anything is possible. If there's one thing I learned throughout my sophmore year, it's that it only takes one night. I shook sophmore year out of my mind, I was a junior now. Normally, though, nothing special happens on these nights, wouldn't that just be what I need, another night like that. even so, I carefully remove a strand of hair from my iron to create a mess of uneven blonde spirals that fall gracefully onto my shoulder, I pin the front of my bangs to the side and finish applying a coat of brown mascara, Victoria always said the brown made my blue eyes stand out. I look over to Jayve who is furiously shaking her head form side to side, her black curly hair falls to her sides.
"it adds volume" she says "I read it in cosmo"
I squeeze out a smile, she looks gorgeous with her tight white tank top underneath her gray cardigan. my attention is shifted from Jayce to Robin, who is pointing a camera right at me. Robin was a vision, she has midnight black hair, and dark carmel skin, a wide oval face and thin asian eyes, she is smiling brightly at me.
"Hey!" I exclaim, hiding my face from her view, she laughs
"get in this with me"
one picture, turns into many as we continue getting ready. Victoria peers out my front window, she whips her long dark hair over her shoulder.
"looks like people are arriving"
" you're such a creep!" I laugh, slamming the curtains shut. Brett's party is tonight, and although he is my neighbor, I am still confused as to if we are really welcomed. but of course we are, why would I even think we weren't. Still though, I remain anxious.
"are we going to leave soon" I say as Victoria passes me a shot glass
"two shots" she winks "then we'll go"
The vodka slides down my throat, it burns but at the same time is makes me feel a little better, less nervous. I take another and let the warm sensation overwhelm me. I take one more, for the road and put the rest in my bag for later.
as we leave the house, I turn around to lock the front door, I'm careful not to let my parents notice me, but that is clearly avoidable as I hear my father yell "have a good time!" I don't say anything, just shut the door behind me.
--
"WHEEEEEEEEU" Jayce yelps as we approach Bretts house. His house is large, white, similar to mine, most of the houses in this neighborhood look the same. I remember when I was younger, about 9 or 10 when senate and I were close, I think about the fact that I havent talked to him in almost 7 years, since I was 10 years old. I remember when he would come over every single day and play with me when I first moved in across the street and didn't have many friends. The neighborhood girls were very unwelcoming of me, they didn't like the fact I was friends with Brett.
"boys have cooties" they would say "and since you're friends with them, so do you!" I wince at the memory, everything is so different now, at seventeen I wish my biggest problem was I was good friends with a boy.
It's dark outside, the night looks promising, something better come out of this, I can only hope. Clouded vision I have, but a clouded vision seems better than none at all, I'm beginning to think the alcohol is messing with my mind.
--
The basement isn't to crowded, the DJ hasn't even began to play yet, I'm giddy as a girl in a tight black wrap around shirt and white shorts, almost to short comes lunging towards me
"OLIVIA!" it's Ally Mckay
"Ally!"
"come drink with us!"
I'm pulled over to a small couch with a table and a few other girls sitting around me, they say hello and we all begin to pass around a bottle. There is one with extremely long hair, a mix of blonde and dark brown, I'm positive it isn't natural. she has a bright smile, and piercing green eyes, she looks friendly, still though not the kind of girl I would ever confront, there's something about this girl that is slightly intimidating, she introduces herself as Rachel. The girl sitting next to her is smaller, thin and almost frail looking, with sharply cut black hair, and the bluest eyes I have ever seen, she resembles a pixy.
One of the girls I recognize immediatly, is Madison, she stretches out a thin arm and passes me a shot, It's strong I sniff it and make a face, she laughs
"take it fast, you won't even taste it" she hands me a bottle of sprite. My skin feels warm and I begin to loosen up, I'm feeling more comfortable now. A cute boy with pale blonde hair and welcoming eyes flashes me a crooked smile. Before he glances back at the beer pong game he is taking part in, he motions me to come over. I take another shot, the night looks better and better after each one.
--
The room is spinning, but I like it. I can't help but be lost in the music coming from the DJ booth, it's loud, and normally I am completely against any sort of techno music, but right now I could care less, I just can't stop dancing. Soon I am spinning faster than any other part of the room, my balance is thrown off by the sudden tug of Robin on my sweater, her brown eyes beaming.
"come on!"
we make our way into a small work out room, where a couple in the corner looks almost to engaged in each other, I ignore them as she speaks
"I'm so glad you talked me into coming!"
"are you?" waiting for her to finish, I look around, first at the couple then back to Robin
"lets go someplace else"
she smiles and excitedly runs off, linking my arm with hers. out of nowhere, Victoria grabs my arm and yells something, her words are completely slurred and unreadable
"what..." I start but it's already to late, Victoria stumbles over the speaker and half her drink is on the top of my head
"Vic! you've got to be kidding"
she looks horrified, but she is laughing at the same time "whoops! I'm sooooooo sorrrrrry Olivia, it'll dry!" she patts the front of my head before she runs off yelling
for another keg stand. at this point, dispite my state of mind, I find myself extremely irritated.
"here" Robin points to the washroom "lets go"
I catch my reflection in the mirror, the front of my hair is wet from where Vic spilled her stale beer on me. I hate when she drinks, she's such a lightweight. In anger I attempt to dry myself off, I'm to busy to notice what Robin is saying to me, the banging on the door doesn't help.
"hold on!" I yell " for fucks sakes"
the door suddenly flies open and Jayce and Ally stumble in, behind them is Alicia Jones, her gray eyes are wide. the three of them push past me. a boy also enters behind them. He is tall, very tall, with wispy brown hair.
"wait here" Alicia instructs him, while her, Ally and Jayce open the dividing door to go to the washroom. where did Robin go I wonder, I look around, she isn't in sight but I notice James Robinson looking at me, he smiles.
"hey Olivia"
My mind is in such a haze, I blink.
"hey"
"are you okay? your hair looks a little.."
"fine" I interupt, clearly annoyed, but not at him, just at the situation, I feel bad now. he looks at me sympathetically, like he wants to say something more, he places his hand on my shoulder lightly and gives me a small smile, he opens his mouth, he is even leaning slightly more towards me. for a moment I think he might kiss me, and for a moment I think I might let him, but the moment passes the moment I hear Alicia
"JAMES" she shreiks before she grabs him and forces him to leave with her.
"are you really that surprised?" Ally mumbles to Jayce as they leave as well. Robin falls out behind them, how did she get there? doesn't matter. I push my way out and drag Robin along with me
she pulls out a bottle, and tugs me towards another room, she fiddles around the knob
"it's locked?" I question, trying myself. I yank at the door furiously as it flies open, I stumble over in shock as I look over to find a boy who is clearly just as shocked jump and push the girl who is on top of him off his lap
It's Stephen Wright
"omg I'm so sorry!" I push Robin out and shut the door
"thats embarassing" she can't quit laughing "who was that?!"
By the time she askes, I've completely forgotten, now I know the alcohol is messing with me.
"I don't know"
she leaves me, and I walk over to a chair and sit down, my head is pounding, I look up and notice a guy approaching me. He is tall, jet black hair, buzzed short. He is dressed pretty casually in a blue abercrombie t-shirt and pale blue jeans, he smiles.
"Hey Olivia, can I talk to you for a minute" he's obviously drunk.
"sure Matt"
I remember the first time I met Matt, I don't think his girlfriend of two years would appreciate knowing the story anymore than I like remembering it. it was the beginning of Sophmore, ever since we almost hooked up once, he follows me around at every single outing. after a while this routine gets old
I sigh, "look..." he leans in very closely towards me "I just... I wanted to say I'm sorry for ... well you know I didn't mean it, I know you don't..."
what the hell was he talking about
"Matt" I interupt "it's okay"
at this point I am extremely uncomfortable with the situation
"good" he flashes me a white smile, he did have a nice smile "do you wanna dance?"
If I weren't completely intoxicated at the moment, I would have laughed in his face and ran off to find Robin, but as I looked around, she was no where in sight, and Victoria was pressed against a pillar, kissing? no just talking to a boy named Cole Walker I remember her mentioning earlier.
"sure, why not" did that really just come out of my mouth?
Matt takes my hand and brings me onto the dance floor, I try to relax but I just can't as he moves, his body pressed against mine. I swallow nervously as he whispers something in my ear, something I can't quite make out, I'm not sure I even want to know. I close my eyes and try to drown out everyone around me.
"Olivia get over here" I hear a faint voice yell, it's robin, she pulls me away from Matt
"what exactly do you think you're doing !"
how was I suppose to answer that.
"I...I don't know"
"well stop! why would you even go near kane, you know what he's like!"
I look back and Matt is already chatting to another girl, his arm around her waist, she was right, I shake it off, what was I doing.
CHAPTER TWO: STEPHEN.
January 23rd
I noticed her the minute she walked in.
I was sitting around watching my buddies engaged in a game of beer pong, surrounding us was a group of girls, screeching and laughing, if half of them weren't so good looking I might be annoyed by this, I shrug it off though, as a small, brunette smiles at me. she's pretty, I think to myself, returning the smile.
I take a swing of beer as my friends cheer
"drink up!" Anthony yells, and Matt downs a cup of beer
"WHEEEEU!" he yells, doing a small victory dance.
I laugh at this, a part of me wants to take part, but instead I sit there and watch, casually glancing around the room, and that's when I saw her. It wasn't any profound moment, where time slows down, and the earth stops spinning, like in the movies, but I definitely noticed her.
I see a large group in the centre of the room, A trio of girls separate themselves from the herd and begin walking towards the corner table. I stare at the first one in the middle, I recognize her but have never met her. A medium sized girl, with shoulder length black hair, and blonde streaks poking out from the bottom. she has a thin oval shaped face and dark eyes. To her right a taller girl, slender with very long dark hair, with no real shape or form, she's kind of basic yet exotic looking, I've seen her to. and Finally to the left, It's her, Olivia. she's small, very tiny, wearing dark jeans that hang low on her hips and with blonde curly hair that flows long down her back. I've noticed her a lot before, we had second period english together first semester, I've never quite spoken to her before though. she's quiet but I don't think there's a moment I've ever not seen her smile, even now she is smiling, she's always happy and sure of herself, although there's a glimps of uncertainly about her, nervous energy maybe, I can't tell, she seems difficult to read. These girls are pretty but I can't really concentrate on them though, the display of girls and the atmosphere around me has such a dizzying, half-of-mirrors effect. My attention is diverted away from her as the small brunette flashes me a warm smile, and just like that I forget about Olivia, she introduces herself as Melanie.
--
"so what do you like to do?"
"what? sorry the music is so loud" or maybe I'm just bored of pointless conversation, she leans in closer
" you play sports?"
"oh, I play hockey" I look around, by now I'm so sick of talking to her, I'm having trouble deciding whether I should just grab her and take her to the nearby bedroom, or get up and leave, not even bother, I think she can read my expression as she leans closer and grabs my hand, I take one last look around and notice Olivia again, she is talking to James. they look engaged in some sort of deep conversation, she looks into him, his hand is on her shoulder, what could they possibly be talking about, then I realize I don't even know her, but even so, for a moment I think about going over there.
"...want to?" melanie is already mid sentence by the time i direct my attention back to her, I look up, Olivia is gone.
"lets go"
the bedroom is dark, I close the door behind me, In hope to drown the music out. By that time melanie is kissing me, I lean back hoping to fall onto something soft, a bed maybe. I feel something hard, A chair, good enough, I ease back, one hand on the arm rest, the other on the small of her back, I pull her down with me and she softly takes a seat on my right knee. her lips are warm and soft against mine. Her hand is pressed aggressively against my chest. she leans back and takes off her bright blue cardigan and gives me a somewhat seductive look, she kisses me again, this time harder. I'm finding it hard to breathe almost, I imagine what it would be like to have sex with this girl. my thoughts are abruptly interupted by the swinging open of the door. The light is blinding on my eyes
"oh my god" a girl exclaims, almost horrified looking, the girl beside her giggles a bit and soon is uncontrollably laughing, I push melanie off me, and cannot believe who is standing at the door.
Olivia Height.
"I'm so sorry!" she says, looking nervous, as she slams the door back shut, what just happened.
Melanie begins to laugh, why is she laughing, she starts to kiss me again, but by this point I already feel to uncomfortable to keep going.
"maybe we should go"
before she can respond, I am already standing up and heading to the door, I flick on the light and stare at her slumped down on the down comforter. The red pattern matches her bright red socks, I hadn't noticed them before, suddenly she looked so naive, so desperate. I figure I should stay and talk to her but instead I keep walking and exit the room, she'll come out eventually.
I make my way over to my friends who are gathered around a round table howling and laughing, I make a note not to mention Melanie for the rest of the night.
--
there's more, it gets a lot betttterrr but anything from these first to chapters is appreciated!
, let's get to your story. I liked the plot you had and how you told it from two different people. Gives your reader two different perspectives of the situation and things surrounding them. Very creative and well done! However, both of the chapters (more of the first one than the second) seemed a bit rushed. You had a lot of information altogether. I know it's supposed to be a crazy, mind bottling party, but you don't need to make your readers feel that way. My suggestion for you is to take out all the unnecessary subplots in the chapter and focus on only what contributes to the story. We don't need to know EVERYTHING only the good stuff. Also your prologue seemed to be un-needed with obvious information. Although, I really liked the part about the kissing in the snow and kissing in the storm. If I were you, I would take the whole lecture out and just talk about the snow part. Maybe even add a little more to that. 
