The Broken Love by the Light of the Moon

It was a full moon, We were staring at each other, I didn't want to ruin this moment but I knew that this wasn't right. He was the person that completed me he was my everything but one mistake he did broke me. Like a Colosseum crashing down because of an earthquake. Except that I didn't break completely because somewhere in my broken heart I still loved him. I knew that if forgave him he would think that meant that he can cheat on me again but if I leave him he'll think that he won because I wasn't strong. I looked at my feet because i didn't recognize him anymore. I had that feeling that all girls have the feeling that whenever you think you find the right man you know it isn't him. It's a outside look of the man you think you love. The only way to find that person is to look by the inside beauty than the outside beauty. I stared at him one last time tears stung my eyes. He tried to keep me by holding my hands really tight but i was strong enough to let go. I started walking away and I heard he was calling my name but I ignore him and left him there with the light of the moon.
By Melanie Joseph

hello! james here to review.
lets see. ok i accept the story as a good read but i feel it as if its incomplete. i mean you left the reader unanswered that if he was there staring at her, holding her close, calling after her then what was her intution that he was a heart breaker. was he the love that was left by the moon light? i can see that it is how you concluded it. well the vocabulary is good and yes you know the right emotions of young love. it is overall a good plot.
good luck writing and welcome to YWS

Ok....Aquareed reviewing.
Nitpicks

It was a full moon, We were staring at each other, I didn't want to ruin this moment but I knew that this wasn't right.

Ok, this is a huge sentence. I would say: "It was a full moon. We were staring at each other. I didn't want to ruin this moment, but I knew that this wasn't right."

He was the person that completed me he was my everything

I would put a comma between the "me" and the "everything"

one mistake he did broke me.

Did you mean to say: "one mistake and he broke me"?

that if forgave him

"If I forgave him"

because i didn't

"Because I didn't"

all girls have the feeling that

I would put: "all girls have, the feeling that" But that's just me, I like to comma.

It's a outside look

"It's an outside look"

one last time tears stung my eyes.

Again, I would put a comma or even a full stop)in the bit between time and tears.

but i was strong enough

"but I was strong enough"

but I ignore him

"but I ignored him"

Story Overall

I think that this is actually a really good piece and there are some very well written bits in it (you don't have to write that it was by you at the end of the piece ) Keep with it and good luck!

Hello there,

For the nitpicks, here it goes.

It was a full moon, we were staring at each other, I didn't want to ruin this moment but I knew that this wasn't right. He was the person that completed me comma he was my everything but one mistake he did broke me.the part in bold is a little bit confusing, and I would try to rephrase it, so it makes a little bit more sense. But he did one mistake by breaking me ?? Like a Colosseum crashing down because of an earthquake. Except that I didn't break completely because somewhere in my broken heart comma I still loved him. I knew that if Iforgave him he would think that meant that he could cheat on me again period. But if I leave him he'll think that he won because I wasn't strong. I looked at my feet because I didn't recognize him anymore. I had that feeling that all girls have comma the feeling that whenever you think you find the right man comma you know it isn't him. It's a outside look of the man you think you love. The only way to find that person is to look by the inside beauty than the outside beauty. I stared at him one last time comma tears stinging my eyes. He tried to keep me by holding my hands really tight comma but I was strong enough to let go. I started walking away and I heard he was him calling my name comma but I ignore him and left him there with the light of the moon.

I know I repeated some of the nitpicks... Sorry for that, I just thought it would be easier to correct if I did the whole text.
I don't know if this is your prologue, but it's awfully short... What is the story, what happened, who are your characters? Now, I assume your first chapter is coming up, right? So make sure these things are written down, because I'm pretty confused right now. I would like to read more, and see what happens with that.

Keep writing!

-Other One