Through These Eyes

What I see through my eyes
is a world gone mad.

Horror,
bloodshed,
murder,
rape.

Our morality has vanished.
Our vision of life is corrupted.

Through these eyes I see what reality is.
I see the hatred in my time,
in my life.

I see darkness consuming light.
I see love fading.

Everything I knew as an innocent child
has been destroyed.

In our world there is no light,
nothing that shines brighter
than a life in flames,
a life leaving this wretched place.

We preach for forgiveness,
for compassion when we ourselves show
none.

Through these eyes I see the whole
of the world as animal,
ruthless,
brutish,
mindless with no regard
for others.

Without eyes like mine,
who see truth,
who know hardship and pain,
torture and sorrow,
and salvation
the world will only sink lower
and crumble.

It will burn and scream.
It will writhe in pain
and beg for penance,
for understand and mercy,
but it will not receive it,
for those flames came from within.

Through these eyes I know this world
which sickens me,
and fills me with hope,
for I am not the only seeker of
truth.

Hi there!
At first, I thought this was going to be another angst-ridden, cynical poem about all that's wrong with the world, but in the end, I found that I actually liked it. I think the turning point for me was this line:

In our world there is no light,
nothing that shines brighter
than a life in flames,
a life leaving this wretched place.

It definitely gave me the chills a little bit. Also, this other stanza had the same effect:

Through these eyes I see the whole
of the world as animal,
ruthless,
brutish,
mindless with no regard
for others.

I love the parallel structure between it and the first list at the beginning (horror, bloodshed, murder, rape), even though I don't know if it was intentional or not. So good job! You've got good imagery in this piece. The rest is just a couple of suggestions that will only enhance the good stuff you've already got.

The first is that you spend a lot of time trying to build a sense of loss in the first bit of the poem, and I think that maybe you should consider that it is a bit much.

I see darkness consuming light.
I see love fading.

Everything I knew as an innocent child
has been destroyed.

You could probably cut these lines out completely, because you never revisit this idea of "innocence lost."

Also, I was a little peeved at the end of this piece because of the ending:

Through these eyes I know this world
which sickens me,
and fills me with hope,
for I am not the only seeker of
truth.

You introduce this glimmer of hope - the only happy image in the whole poem - and then the poem just ends! If you want to keep this idea, expand on it, or else cut it out. Otherwise it's like dangling candy in front of a starving baby. Just kidding, that would be terrible, but I would strongly recommend that you either elaborate on the theme of hope or just cut it out completely

Thanks for sharing this piece! I hope my suggestions are helpful to you. PM me if you have any questions. Happy writing!
-River

Thanks for the comment. I find the ending is appropriate though. And yes I guess it is like a holding candy in front of a starving baby. I really appreciate your input. I will look at it again and see how I can elaborate on it a bit more.

Hey!

No spelling mistakes found, so good job on that score!

As for the actual poem...

I'm sorry, maybe I'm wrong, but I don't really think you're right there. The writing is done well, but it's the topic and the way you talk about it that doesn't have me happy.

I don't agree with several points you made in your poem (forgive me). Your tone implies that only you suffer, only you know what the world is really like, you're the only one who is actually wise. Basically to me, an angsty poem. (Plus the whole thing about the whole workd being a brutish animal? Gandhi and Martin Luther King strike me as examples of people, who oddly enough, weren't very brutish. Quite the opposite, in fact.)

And then, a complete contradiction! Not only you, apparently, know what the horrible and treacherous world is really like!

(I hope that I didn't make an enemy out of you!)

Hey
I really like this poem, it really is a recurring theme in todays society.
The only thing I can really say is I think it would be really different and interesting (not to say its not interesting now) through the eyes of a group or community of people. I've not read any like that.

Keep on'a writing!

MissMadHatter

delmarria you have not made an enemy of me. I quite enjoy good criticism (criticism that's well placed and has a good point). But the whole idea of our world as an animal. Yes there are a few who actually contributed to the positive aspects of humanity, and there are more now, but that is overshadowed by the darkness in the world. If you only remember a few and not more who have helped the world become a better place that is because evil has consumed what good they have done. As for the contradiction that's there for a reason. For one to think he or she is the only wise one is wrong, and that person hopes there are more who see the world for what it is, but it's hard now to feel there are many others like all of us here, poets and writers I mean, that see reality. Yes an angst ridden poem I will agree, and not my best work, but it has a point. That point is to show people, or get them thinking about the world around them. It is meant to get people to observe. Also I don't agree with this statement:

only you know what the world is really like, you're the only one who is actually wise.

In fact I can prove that it does not seem like I am the only wise person out there with this:

Without eyes like mine

It is told through the voice of a single person lost in a world filled with hatred and violence, who sees it as a virus. It may seem as though it is a condescending poem in ways, but when one feels alone and sees nothing but destruction around them how can that person who knows what is happening is wrong feel anything but better than the people around them, and at the same time worse. It is a poem of hope in despair, a single glimmer in the person who sees it and the idea that there are others out there who wish to crush what evil is in our world now. I am working on another poem that expands on this hope right now too.

i agree,
keep on the good job

Thanks.

I really liked your poem.
I understand how as children, we only saw good in the world and dismissed the bad.
But now that we can understand pain and anguish and others sins and all, we realize what we have done to this world and what we have done to other people, and we don'tlike what we see.
Thank you for posting your story, it brings reality to peoples attention and hopefully some people who read this will remember certain things that they did and will try to fix it.
Happy Holidays!