"Morning!" Lara said joyfully as she dashed towards the bathroom. The messy after effects of sex had to be dealt with.
"Morning" Sleepily followed her into the bathroom. Lara smiled as she cleaned riding the high of their morning and therefore renewed hope in their relationship.
"So I'm heading to the lake today with Dawne and Randy."
Lara stopped mid motion of washing her hands. She stared at their reflection. Pain, shock, and silent horror at her relationship stared back at her. She closed her mouth and went back to washing her hands.
How stupid was she to think that today would be any different then the other days! How could she have believed that he would want to spend time with her! He wasn't even inviting her!
"What are you doing today?" He asked as she warmed up the water for his shower.
"Nothing now" Was her sulky response. Her lungs were tight begging for the burn of chemically enriched smoke.
"Oh why?" He asked. Was he actually this dense? Lara wondered, so surprised that he still didn't get it.
"Seriously John." she said lifting her head to stare at him via mirror.
"What? You want to come too? You hate Dawne!"
He had a point, but that really didn't matter. "No I want to spend time with you. Couples do that you know. Spend time with each other."
He sighed; it translated to submission and defeat. She sighed and it breathed of guilt.
"Will you come with me, if you're nice to her?" He asked, but the desire for her to come was missing.
"I can't be nice if she's a huge bitch to me. It's not my fault." She had to stop before the venom started spewing - which happened every time Dawne was mentioned.
"Okay, whatever"
"Are we swimming?" Uh oh dreaded bathing suit. Thank god Dawn's body had rapidly increased since her graduation and departure from school sports.
"Probably, I won't be in the water much." John's muscles still outweighed his body padding, so he still sunk like a rock in the water.
"I know" It was always a little painful that he never came in the water with her. Her biggest turn on was those few times when they were wrapped close in the water. Her legs around his waist as their bodies slicked with water. He, however, had spent many a time in the water with past girlfriends. She has seen the pictures and imagined it was just her personally he didn’t want to have wrapped around him, despite the fact that they were in a long term relationship – she was having a sex and the city, Charlotte, moment. She was his girlfriend, not his kinky lover.
She agreed to niceties in other words agreeing to speak to no one but enjoy the water. She would be a good girlfriend, he would see that it was not her that was evil.
They donned bathing suits then the summery clothes overtop. Lara packed some snacks and towels and all the beach necessities while John played video games. Together John and Lara left loaded down prepared for an afternoon of tentatively planned hot relaxation.
Lara forgot that he hadn't really invited her and looked forward to a day at the beach. Hopefully Dawn would resemble something other then the wicked bitch of the west. Hope sprang eternal, or at least that’s what ‘they’ said.
The drive up to the lake was windy and took longer then necessary with summer traffic. Cars and vans loaded with Children puttered up the hill into the mountain camping destination. She wished they could turn around and go to the river. It was closer, and they knew so many solitary spots were Lara imagined she could talk John into frolicking.
When they arrived at the lake the parking lot was already full. John took the luggage and started trekking towards the beach while she paid for parking. John was only a few steps ahead of her when Lara heard the high pitched squeal of what could only belong to the certain box died blonds that want nothing more then to be the centre of their informal soap opera. As she rounded the path she saw just what she feared. Climbing and clinging her way up John was Jessica.
Lara stopped to stare. She could actually feel her blood boiling. She walked around, staring as if studying this animal could change the fact that she was currently attacking her boyfriend. As the whore started to go in for a kiss Lara finally stood behind her and tapped on her shoulder. Lara could see the fear in John's eyes as he stared at Lara. In a small part of Lara's mind she acknowledged that John's hands where trying to push Jessica gently off.
"Excuse me?" she was polite. This was good. The ax hadn't come out to murder... yet.
"What?" The whore demanded not bothering to look back.
"Oh, nothing.” The sweetness in her voice would have been a tip off for anyone not completely brain dead. "I'm just simply wondering why you happen to be wrapped around my boyfriend." She smiled as the blond slowly turned around. She made a bad mistake of smiling at Lara. Lara smiled back, grabbed her bleached, straw like hair and, took a step back and yanked. Since John was not holding onto her she fell backwards straight onto her back. "Oh there, that's where you belong." Lara sent a meaningful look to John.
"What the hell!" Demanded Dawn as she came running up. She lifted the blond whore off the ground. Of course they were friends. It made perfect sense.
"Sorry, I though she was stuck. I was helping her down." Would this sweetly evil smile ever leave her lips?
Dawne stood there, her eyes rabbiting between John, Lara and the whore.
John finally spoke up. He was probably in shock that Lara's anger had finally reached the physical level. "I think we should go"
"Ya" Laura finally agreed as the tension in the stalemate thickened.
They turned to leave, John put his arm over her shoulders and though her skin crawled she wanted to shove it in that whore's face that he wanted to be with her. Laura tried to keep her ears open for what would be said between the whore and Dawne. Not for the first time with John wishing she had super human hearing.
"I'm sorry." John said.
"No." she said it calmly as she thought about what had just happened. How had she let herself go? Had she actually gone crazy and physically attacked someone. Sure it felt great, sure her friends would brag about this and her best friend would applaud what every girl feels the urge to do, but rarely can one work the guts up to do. For some reason, most girls Lara knew (including herself) had this misconception that just because another girl could not keep her legs close, so instinctively had these amazing ninja fighting skills and could then kick our asses. They may be female, but territorial is all the same. Men feel it, women feel it, we all want to do the same thing about it. "We will be talking John" she said as they got in the car. She rolled down her window to combat the heat and handed their barely used parking pass to the nearest family trudging towards the ticket machine. They drove down the winding roads in silence only when the tourist stores came into view did she speak.
"I need smokes"
He didn't agree or disagree, just pulled into the nearest convenience store. She paid the inflated price for smokes in a tourist area, and then lit up as soon as her car door was closed and they were moving away from the gas pumps. Her body revolted slightly at the poison she was breathing in. After a few unsatisfactory breaths she returned to the tobacco and enjoyed the taste again. You can quit all you want, but the second drag will make you forget your lungs were ever clean.
"So she was groping you because..."
"I don't know." Laura could sense the lie, hell it practically tingled like a spidey sense it was so obvious.
"John." She said quietly, her throat tightening with fear.
"Okay, I know." he sighed with sadness. "Dawne brought her, for me. I had known her a few years ago." he pulled over as the shame darkened his face. Lara knew what he meant when he said he had known her.
"You were going to cheat on me?" A solitary tear broke through, then suddenly the rest were evacuating.
"No!" he shouted. So very convincing.
"Then why?"
"Dawne brought her!" He shouted back "Jessica came into the store a few days ago. Dawne invited her. I didn't know she was coming." He said eager for me to understand.
"Then why was I not invited?" Laura accused. "Why couldn't I go?"
"So I wouldn't."
"Oh." She said, mind leaping from logic. He knew, as all men with relationship leashes did, that if their spouse was suspicious and they were invited someone and she wasn’t, they most often could not attend.
He got out of the car with anger and frustration clear in every movement. Lara sat in the car as he paced the front of the car with clenched fists. Lara tried to dry the tears on her cheeks. She rested her head on her hands wishing the tears and pain would stop. Why did their relationships have to have this constant pain? Why could they not be just happy? Her door was suddenly open and John was kneeling before her moving her hands from her eyes so he could search their depths.
"I'm sorry she did this" Did he finally see how evil she was? His eyes were sincere, his face held none of the telltale signs of previous fights she had won simply by being persistant. He was angry and defensive, but not at her it was for her. He was angry at himself for allowing this to happen, regardless of his part in it. He was punishing himself, that much was clear.
"Me too." Lara agreed quietly. She felt timid in the face of such anguish.
"Babe, I have not and never will cheat on you." he stared into her eyes. His glistening with tears he could or would not shed.
"Really?" she sounded like a child in her head. Maybe that's what love did to you.
"Really" he smiled and kissed her despite the smoke she just finished.
"I love you back" She said and smiled, the weight on her heart lifting. "So what are we going to do with this picnic?"
"I think we should go have one." He said standing to walk around the car.
As they drove in silence to some unknown picnic destination Lara wondered about the girl and more as to why Dawne had brought her there. She travelled to thoughts on their relationship. Was it worth all of this stress and pain? "John, what are you doing with me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, where are we going? Marriage? Family? House in the 'burbs with a puppy? Where?"
"I don't know." he said glancing at her quickly. His eyes darting back to the road showing his panic at the words that spoke of commitment. "I'm not really thinking ahead. It's just day by day right now."
"Ya, but how are you ever going to get anywhere if you don't start looking ahead" It was a debate they had often. It went with all aspects of his life. He almost seemed to be scared to look forward. Scared he could never reach his goals. That probably went back to his childhood. His mother seemed to have no goals, even took him out of school so he wouldn't think life was 'too easy'. He didn't say anything so Lara went on. "John, I don't want to push you, but you make me feel like I have to." she felt the burn of tears in her throat again and stared out the window hoping to hide the glistening. "John, what's to stop you from leaving me?"
He glanced at her again, quite for a moment. "I wouldn't leave you."
"But what's to stop you? She asked her reflection. "Honestly, we've been common-law for three years. I'm nothing more then your girlfriend. If you decide to move on I can't win you back. I won't have time. If we were married I'd have the whole time it takes to get a divorce to win you back. I love you. I don't want to lose you."
"I don't want to lose you either. But marriage is such a huge step."
"But you won't even consider it. Not an engagement, nothing!" She knew she was on the brink of begging. The fact of that was a statement she was not willing to examine just yet.
"It just doesn't feel right.” he said quietly. Knowing that those words would hurt more then any excuse.
"You mean I'm not right." She wanted to be mad, but she couldn't get past the hurt.
"That's not what I said."
"But I'm right."
"No." His answer was final but the hurt didn't stop. Lara wondered how in the world she could survive the pain he gave her over and over again.
John found one of their secret spots for lunch. They backpacked through the brush and found their spot quickly. Lara set about setting up the area, making it happy and hoping that if she acted like the wife most men wanted, that maybe he would want her. John didn’t want her because she was typical, he loved her because and despite of the fact that she wasn’t every other girl.
Their picnic went by quickly and quietly. Lara trying to pretend their morning hadn't happened. And for a bit she believed it. John was being the loving man she hadn't seen since their epidemic of unhappiness started. The sun was bright, the river they sat near rushed by. Somewhere the birds were singing and beavers were building. It was almost picturesque. And that is how Lara chose to view it. She smiled and laughed, though no happiness reached her eyes. In her head her dreams, goals and wishes were being rebuilt.
Where there was once a world with John and her and a picket fence with children running around, turned into a world of career goals, workaholic tendencies, and a possible ulcer. Oh and a nice house that was barely lived in.
Lara was pretending so hard she didn't feel the final chip crack off. Nor the silent splitting of her heart.
