Love Story chapter 3: Suspicions

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So this is the third chapter, please read the first and second chapters to understand more. Please enjoy and don't forget to comment!
And here is the link for the club-----> page.php?id=905

Love Story
Chapter 3: Suspicions


snapshot_78f094bd_f8f13c76.jpg
snapshot_78f094bd_f8f13c76.jpg (22.42 KiB) Viewed 207 times


~Amber's POV~

My eyes fluttered up. I immediately realized that I was freezing cold. I sat up, not remembering how I got in my room last night, nor why I was still in my dress, but my heels were placed neatly on my dresser.
The silky white curtains were blowing in the wind. I got up and noticed that the balcony doors where open. I raised my eyebrows and looked around the room.

No one was inside, so before my bare legs would give out in the piercing cold, I reached into my dresser and grabbed a pair of jeans, a tank top, and a hoddie.

I removed all of the make-up on my face and put my hair up in a messy bun.
I walked downstairs. Hellena and Dad where sitting in the kitchen eating bacon, eggs, and grits.
"Amber! Come over here darling! Have something to eat, did you even have dinner last night?" Hellena said, cheerfully.
"Um, probably not." I muttered.
"Well then sit down!" she laughed.

My father was too busy reading the newspaper.
I grabbed a fork and sat down. I ate breakfast in contentment.
"Last I saw you, you where going outside with a very nice looking gentleman. Then when your friends asked for you, I saw you sleeping upstairs." Hellena paused. I almost heard a light bulb turn on in her head.
"What were you doing with that man?!" she asked.

"I don't remember." I mumbled with a strip of bacon in my mouth.
"Excuse me?" she asked.
"I don't remem-"
"I heard you!" she yelled. Dad looked down from his newspaper. "Did you let him drug you or something and then..and then..."

I stood up, "Ew! No! I didn't have a drink last night, and I wouldn't let him touch me! I don't remember going to bed. But when I woke up I was wearing my dress. So there!" I grabbed my purse and walked out of the room.
I heard my fathers voice call after me. "Amber! Where are you going?"

"Out!" I slammed the door behind me.

I rushed down the huge driveway. I jumped into my Ferrari and backed out of the driveway.
Somethings wrong. I thought. I looked at the driveway again for a few moments until I finally noticed that Aaron's car wasn't there. Where could he be?
I shrugged it off and drove away.

The car took me around Los Angeles, after a while, I didn't know where I was going. My mind was wondering to last night.
I tried my best to remember what happened last night. I didn't like the thought of a man I didn't know, touching me when I didn't know it.

After an hour of driving around, I sat in my car in front of the beach.
I rolled down the windows and asked a woman with a crying baby in a stroller where I was.
She answered me with tired out eyes. "Laguna Beach, honey." I thanked her and circled around Main st. a few times until I finally found a available parking spot.

I turned off the ignition, left my shoes and my hoodie in the car and walked across the street to find steep stairs that lead to the beach.

The warm sand nestled between my toes. I absolutely adore the beach, the salty smell, the waves crashing on the rocks and the magical feel of the sun, setting above the ocean.

I walked down the ocean, the remainder of the crashing waves occasionally reached up to my angles. I turned around and stepped over my footprints in the wet sand. I was probably embarrassing myself because my hands where extended out and I must have looked like I was trying to balance on a wire.

I heard laughter, so I looked up. About ten yards away, a man was looking at me, he wore jeans and a dress shirt.
His eyes where covered by his long black hair.

"Derek!" I waved.

Derek's POV:

Her smile was breathtaking as we walked down the beach.
She wore a black tank top and ripped, gray skinny jeans.
Her hair whipped behind her.
Her amber eyes where bright and big, they held kindness and excitement even though life had been anything but fair to her.
"How did you sleep last night?" I asked.

Her eyes widened in terror.
"Wha-what do you muh-mean? Why, wha-what happened?" she stuttered.
I laughed.
"Well, you fell asleep, so I let you sleep for a few minutes." I explained.
"Then I woke you up, I guess you where only half awake, but you went upstairs and I talked to an old friend I saw there."

"Oh, thank God!" she sighed.
"Hey! You don't have to be that relieved!" I laughed. "What are you doing?"

Amber's POV:

I leaned over and untied Derek's expensive Feragamo shoes. I took them off and placed them on the sand.
I took his hand and lead him into the water until we were knee high.
"Amber, what are we doing?" he laughed.
"How am I supposed to know?" I giggled and placed my hand on his chest.
"Isn't the ocean beautiful." I smiled.
"Not as beautiful as you." he wrapped his arms around my waist and looking at me intensely.

"Liar!" I giggled pushing him back.
He stumbled backwards and a wave hit us.
When it washed away he raised his eyebrow.
"What did you just do?" he said in a very intimidating voice.

"Nothing!" I giggled, throwing my hands up.
"You pushed me!" he said.
"What?" I laughed.

He walked up to me. He gave me a terribly evil smile and he picked me up.
"OMG! Putmedownputmedownputmedown, put me DOWN!" I laughed as he spun me around.
I squirmed in his arms.

I suddenly felt his grip on me let go.
The water soaked me and my breath was knocked out of me.
I felt the salty water fill my mouth and throat.
I felt the air come back to me when my head popped out of the water.

"Oh, my God! Amber, I am so sorry! You fell out, I didn't mean to drop you!" I took his hand.
"Ackkk!" I pulled him into the water.
"AMBER!" I tried to get up but he pulled me back by my waist. I slipped on a shell and fell back in. I pushed his hands off and ran out of the water.

I looked back and saw him running after me. I saw a big rock and I ran around it. It was a strange hide-and-go-seek game.
I ran around it for the tenth time when I ran into Derek's arms.
My back was against the warm rock. He was leaning over me with his arms sort of pinning me down, but without touching me. His hands were in fists on the rock.

I looked at him seriously.
"I'm not allowed to see you." I said, barely above a whisper.
"You mean you don't want to be involved with me?" he said.
"No, that's not what I mean!" I said.

He laughed. "What game are you playing?"
"I'm not playing any-"
Before I could finish, his wet lips touched mine. Even though he was only touching me with his lips, I felt all my nerves go bezerck. I have never been kissed the way he kissed me. I could taste the salty water on his tongue. I put my hands on his chest when he wrapped his arms around
my waist. He put his hands on my thighs and propped me up on a dent in the rock, so I was almost his height. He put his hands in my hair and pulled me close. I felt like I was kissing an electric wire, but I had a strange feeling that he was almost upset about kissing me. He gently seperates from me.

He holds my face in both hands and smiles at me as I start to feel a dizzing sensation. I feel like my heart it about to explode, and the figurative butterflies are about to come fluttering out of my mouth.
"I want to drown in your eyes." he whispers. I feel my breath being knocked out of me.
He leaned back for another kiss and held me tight.

"Amber." he said.
When we separated I was breathing heavily, but he was panting even harder.
"Yeah."
"I need to take you home."
"No!" I laughed. "I wanna stay here."
He chuckled.
"Come on." he picked me up and carried to my car and I didn't even struggle.
He sat in the drivers seat, and I sat in the passengers seat.
"What about your car?" I asked. Realizing how sleepy I felt.
"I'll get it later." he shrugged.
"Wait! Stop the car." he pressed on the brakes.
"What?" he exclaimed.

"Your shoes!"
"Wow, Amber."

We arrived home.
"Thanks Derek. I had fun." I said, as we stepped out of the car.
"Yeah me too."
"We should, um, do it again sometime." I said, my cheeks getting hot.

"Sure." he smiled, he handed me a card with his number on it.
"Kay, bye." I said waving.
He walked away as I got into the house. I went to my room and looked at the clock.
5:41 pm
I sighed and crashed in my bed.



~ Two Days Later ~

The fall leafs had begun to slowly fall off the trees and land on the wet grass we walked on.
The grass where everyone's love stained tears had trickled down to.

I stepped forward. My long black dress flowed behind me.
I felt my throat close up, but I didn't mind. I didn't want to breathe.
Its okay, you can cry now.
But I couldn't.

I stood before Ryan's black and red coffin. I sat down, crossing my legs and placed my hand on top of the coffin and whispered,
"Hey, its me, spazz. I miss you so much." my voice cracked as I felt the tears come.
"I love you. I am sorry for everything, and I love you so much. I will always remember everything we went through and...and..." I was now full on sobbing. "I promise to take care of Abbi."
"Please don't leave me, please don't go. Don't leave us."

I don't know how long I sat with my head in my hands, crying.
But after I felt that it was unfair to Ryan to continue crying, I stood up and leaned toward the coffin and laughed.
"Say 'hi' to Momma for me and remember to e-mail me sometime. Bye, little emo boy."

I turned around. I wanted to leave as soon as possible, but as I took one last look at the people in the cemetery, I saw Abbi. She gracefully pinned her hair up in a bun and wore a black dress, like the rest of us.
She was simply staring out into space with a blank expression on her face.

I sat next to her.
She turned to me and put her arms around me and cried in my shoulder, I couldn't stand not crying with her.
"Amber."
"Yes, honey?"
She looked at me, her eyes held all the pain in the world. I still held her, as if when I let go, I would be falling and falling into a black hole with no ending.
"I'm pregnant."
"No way!" I smiled. "Congrats!"

She didn't smile back.
"What am I going to do? I know that my parents will dis-own me and then I won't be able to take care of the baby!"
She cried silently as her mascara spilled down her face.
"Abbi, I will come with yo to tell your parents. So if they yell, I'll be there. If they do dis-own you, you will come to live with us."

She gave me a genuine smile.
"I would like that."



okay, chapter three is done!
Last edited by lovethelifeulive on Sat Jan 29, 2011 1:16 am, edited 12 times in total.
If you prick us, shall we not bleed?
If you tickle us, shall we not laugh?
If you poison us, shall we not die?
If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?
The Merchants of Venice-Shakespear
Love the life u live,
and live the life u love




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Gender Female
Points 12193
Reviews 275
First off lets get grammar dealt with,
Red = corrected spelling
lovethelifeulive wrote:My eyes flittered up. I immediately realized that I was freezing cold. I sat up, not remembering how I got in my room last night, nor why I was still in my dress, but my heels were placed neatly on my dresser.
I saw that the silky white curtains were blowing in the wind. I got up and I noticed that the balcony doors where open. I raised my eyebrows and looked around the room.

No one was inside, so before my bare legs would give out in the piercing cold, I reached into my dresser and grabbed a pair of jeans, a long sleeve shirt, You need a comma and a hoddie.

I removed all of the make-up on my face and put my hair up in a messy bun.
I walked downstairs. Hellena and Dad where sitting in the kitchen eating bacon, eggs, and grits.
"Amber! Come over here darling! Have something to eat, did you even have dinner last night?" Hellena said, cheerfully.
"Um, probably not." I muttered.
"Well then sit down!" she laughed.

My father Hmm first you said "Dad" then you say "My father" you need to stay consistent. was too busy reading the newspaper.
I grabbed a fork and sat down. I ate breakfast in contentment.
"Last I saw you, you where going outside with a very nice looking gentleman. Then when your friends asked for you, I saw you sleeping upstairs." Hellena paused. I almost heard a light bulb turned on in her head.
"What were you doing with that man?!" she asked.

"I don't remember." I mumbled with a strip of bacon in my mouth.
"Excuse me?" she asked.
"I don't remem-"
"I heard you!" she yelled. Dad looked down from his newspaper. "Did you let him drug you or something and then..and then..."

I stood up. This speech should be on a knew line and you should have a comma after "I stood up" instead of a period. "Ew! No! I didn't have a drink last night, and I wouldn't let him touch me! I don't remember going to bed. But when I woke up I was wearing my dress. So there!" I grabbed my purse and walked out of the room.
I heard my fathers voice call after me. "Amber! Where are you going?"

"Out!" I slammed the door behind me.


O.K. so, now that, that part is over with I will get down to the important part. I really liked this work, but like all art it can be improved.

I was really turned off when I first came because of the pink. You would probably not be able to publish it like that, and it made me distracted. Mostly I think if it was a turn off for me it might be a turn off for other people witch means less reviews.

When I was reading the first paragraph especially I noticed that you said 'I' a lot at the beginning of your sentences. This is one of the things I struggle with most when I write in first person. To fix this somewhat when describing things try not to say things like "I saw" and "I noticed". For example.

I saw the girl just as she slipped away. I noticed that she was wearing shorts, in the middle of winter no less! Instead: A girl slipped away around the corner catching my eye, she was wearing shorts, in the middle of winter.

You can see that I did use a 'my', but a my in the middle of a sentence adds the same affect as "I" and is much less noticeable.

Another thing I noticed was your sentence length. It didn't have a ton of variety. Your sentences are all about medium length, there wasn't short (except for speech which is a good start) or long. It made it kind of dry. Spice it up add a semicolon in every once and a while. XD

Overall this was really great, but I think you may need to develop more of a style to make it catch someones eye.

Hope I helped,

A. S.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1274
Reviews 29
lovethelifeulive wrote:So this is the third chapter, please read the first and second chapters to understand more. Please enjoy and don't forget to comment!
And here is the link for the club-----> page.php?id=905

Love Story
Chapter 3: Suspicions


snapshot_78f094bd_f8f13c76.jpg


~Amber's POV~

My eyes fluttered up. I immediately realized that I was freezing cold. I sat up, not remembering how I got in my room last night, nor why I was still in my dress, but my heels were placed neatly on my dresser.
The silky white curtains were blowing in the wind. I got up and noticed that the balcony doors where open. I raised my eyebrows and looked around the room.

No one was inside, so before my bare legs would give out in the piercing cold, I reached into my dresser and grabbed a pair of jeans, a tank top, and a hoddie.

I removed all of the make-up on my face and put my hair up in a messy bun.
I walked downstairs. Hellena and Dad where sitting in the kitchen eating bacon, eggs, and grits.
"Amber! Come over here darling! Have something to eat, did you even have dinner last night?" Hellena said, cheerfully.
"Um, probably not." I muttered.
"Well then sit down!" she laughed.

My father was too busy reading the newspaper.
I grabbed a fork and sat down. I ate breakfast in contentment.
"Last I saw you, you where going outside with a very nice looking gentleman. Then when your friends asked for you, I saw you sleeping upstairs." Hellena paused. I almost heard a light bulb turn on in her head.
"What were you doing with that man?!" she asked.

"I don't remember." I mumbled with a strip of bacon in my mouth.
"Excuse me?" she asked.
"I don't remem-"
"I heard you!" she yelled. Dad looked down from his newspaper. "Did you let him drug you or something and then..and then..."

I stood up, "Ew! No! I didn't have a drink last night, and I wouldn't let him touch me! I don't remember going to bed. But when I woke up I was wearing my dress. So there!" I grabbed my purse and walked out of the room.
I heard my fathers voice call after me. "Amber! Where are you going?"

"Out!" I slammed the door behind me.

I rushed down the huge driveway. I jumped into my Ferrari and backed out of the driveway.
Somethings wrong. I thought. I looked at the driveway again for a few moments until I finally noticed that Aaron's car wasn't there. Where could he be?
I shrugged it off and drove away.

The car took me around Los Angeles, after a while, I didn't know where I was going. My mind was wondering to last night.
I tried my best to remember what happened last night. I didn't like the thought of a man I didn't know, touching me when I didn't know it.

After an hour of driving around, I sat in my car in front of the beach.
I rolled down the windows and asked a woman with a crying baby in a stroller where I was.
She answered me with tired out eyes. "Laguna Beach, honey." I thanked her and circled around Main st. a few times until I finally found a available parking spot.

I turned off the ignition, left my shoes and my hoodie in the car and walked across the street to find steep stairs that lead to the beach.

The warm sand nestled between my toes. I absolutely adore the beach, the salty smell, the waves crashing on the rocks and the magical feel of the sun, setting above the ocean.

I walked down the ocean, the remainder of the crashing waves occasionally reached up to my angles. I turned around and stepped over my footprints in the wet sand. I was probably embarrassing myself because my hands where extended out and I must have looked like I was trying to balance on a wire.

I heard laughter, so I looked up. About ten yards away, a man was looking at me, he wore jeans and a dress shirt.
His eyes where covered by his long black hair.

"Derek!" I waved.

Derek's POV:

Her smile was breathtaking as we walked down the beach.
She wore a black tank top and ripped, gray skinny jeans.
Her hair whipped behind her.
Her amber eyes where bright and big, they held kindness and excitement even though life had been anything but fair to her.
"How did you sleep last night?" I asked.

Her eyes widened in terror.
"Wha-what do you muh-mean? Why, wha-what happened?" she stuttered.
I laughed.
"Well, you fell asleep, so I let you sleep for a few minutes." I explained.
"Then I woke you up, I guess you where only half awake, but you went upstairs and I talked to an old friend I saw there."

"Oh, thank God!" she sighed.
"Hey! You don't have to be that relieved!" I laughed. "What are you doing?"

Amber's POV:

I leaned over and untied Derek's expensive Feragamo shoes. I took them off and placed them on the sand.
I took his hand and lead him into the water until we were knee high.
"Amber, what are we doing?" he laughed.
"How am I supposed to know?" I giggled and placed my hand on his chest.
"Isn't the ocean beautiful." I smiled.
"Not as beautiful as you." he wrapped his arms around my waist and looking at me intensely.

"Liar!" I giggled pushing him back.
He stumbled backwards and a wave hit us.
When it washed away he raised his eyebrow.
"What did you just do?" he said in a very intimidating voice.

"Nothing!" I giggled, throwing my hands up.
"You pushed me!" he said.
"What?" I laughed.

He walked up to me. He gave me a terribly evil smile and he picked me up.
"OMG! Putmedownputmedownputmedown, put me DOWN!" I laughed as he spun me around.
I squirmed in his arms.

I suddenly felt his grip on me let go.
The water soaked me and my breath was knocked out of me.
I felt the salty water fill my mouth and throat.
I felt the air come back to me when my head popped out of the water.

"Oh, my God! Amber, I am so sorry! You fell out, I didn't mean to drop you!" I took his hand.
"Ackkk!" I pulled him into the water.
"AMBER!" I tried to get up but he pulled me back by my waist. I slipped on a shell and fell back in. I pushed his hands off and ran out of the water.

I looked back and saw him running after me. I saw a big rock and I ran around it. It was a strange hide-and-go-seek game.
I ran around it for the tenth time when I ran into Derek's arms.
My back was against the warm rock. He was leaning over me with his arms sort of pinning me down, but without touching me. His hands were in fists on the rock.

I looked at him seriously.
"I'm not allowed to see you." I said, barely above a whisper.
"You mean you don't want to be involved with me?" he said.
"No, that's not what I mean!" I said.

He laughed. "What game are you playing?"
"I'm not playing any-"
Before I could finish, his wet lips touched mine. Even though he was only touching me with his lips, I felt all my nerves go bezerck. I have never been kissed the way he kissed me. I could taste the salty water on his tongue. I put my hands on his chest when he wrapped his arms around
my waist. He put his hands on my thighs and propped me up on a dent in the rock, so I was almost his height. He put his hands in my hair and pulled me close. I felt like I was kissing an electric wire, but I had a strange feeling that he was almost upset about kissing me. He gently seperates from me.

He holds my face in both hands and smiles at me as I start to feel a dizzing sensation. I feel like my heart it about to explode, and the figurative butterflies are about to come fluttering out of my mouth.
"I want to drown in your eyes." he whispers. I feel my breath being knocked out of me.
He leaned back for another kiss and held me tight.

"Amber." he said.
When we separated I was breathing heavily, but he was panting even harder.
"Yeah."
"I need to take you home."
"No!" I laughed. "I wanna stay here."
He chuckled.
"Come on." he picked me up and carried to my car and I didn't even struggle.
He sat in the drivers seat, and I sat in the passengers seat.
"What about your car?" I asked. Realizing how sleepy I felt.
"I'll get it later." he shrugged.
"Wait! Stop the car." he pressed on the brakes.
"What?" he exclaimed.

"Your shoes!"
"Wow, Amber."

We arrived home.
"Thanks Derek. I had fun." I said, as we stepped out of the car.
"Yeah me too."
"We should, um, do it again sometime." I said, my cheeks getting hot.

"Sure." he smiled, he handed me a card with his number on it.
"Kay, bye." I said waving.
He walked away as I got into the house. I went to my room and looked at the clock.
5:41 pm
I sighed and crashed in my bed.



~ Two Days Later ~

The fall leafs had begun to slowly fall off the trees and land on the wet grass we walked on.
The grass where everyone's love stained tears had trickled down to.

I stepped forward. My long black dress flowed behind me.
I felt my throat close up, but I didn't mind. I didn't want to breathe.
Its okay, you can cry now.
But I couldn't.

I stood before Ryan's black and red coffin. I sat down, crossing my legs and placed my hand on top of the coffin and whispered,
"Hey, its me, spazz. I miss you so much." my voice cracked as I felt the tears come.
"I love you. I am sorry for everything, and I love you so much. I will always remember everything we went through and...and..." I was now full on sobbing. "I promise to take care of Abbi."
"Please don't leave me, please don't go. Don't leave us."

I don't know how long I sat with my head in my hands, crying.
But after I felt that it was unfair to Ryan to continue crying, I stood up and leaned toward the coffin and laughed.
"Say 'hi' to Momma for me and remember to e-mail me sometime. Bye, little emo boy."

I turned around. I wanted to leave as soon as possible, but as I took one last look at the people in the cemetery, I saw Abbi. She gracefully pinned her hair up in a bun and wore a black dress, like the rest of us.
She was simply staring out into space with a blank expression on her face.

I sat next to her.
She turned to me and put her arms around me and cried in my shoulder, I couldn't stand not crying with her.
"Amber."
"Yes, honey?"
She looked at me, her eyes held all the pain in the world. I still held her, as if when I let go, I would be falling and falling into a black hole with no ending.
"I'm pregnant."
"No way!" I smiled. "Congrats!"

She didn't smile back.
"What am I going to do? I know that my parents will dis-own me and then I won't be able to take care of the baby!"
She cried silently as her mascara spilled down her face.
"Abbi, I will come with yo to tell your parents. So if they yell, I'll be there. If they do dis-own you, you will come to live with us."

She gave me a genuine smile.
"I would like that."



okay, chapter three is done!

Okay, once again you need to watch your spelling and grammar. Watch run on sentences and things like that. I don;t have time to actually review it right now, so this will be all I put. Your mistakes are just the same ones as chapter one, nothing big. Keep up the good work, and hurry up and put chapter six on!
CassidyRose
I have no idea what to put so I am writing random things. There. That should be enough.



Meet me in Montauk.
— Charlie Kaufman