Pretty long. Longest poem I've ever written. I need help with puncuation and my rythm stumbles in some places. I would love if you reviewed this. Enjoy.
The Heir~
One heart stops
Another is born
Life through death
Brings a cursed son
The voices scream
Of the end
The air he breathes
Is poison to them
A life so small
And undefined
Put in peril
Because he ended her life
“The Queen is dead!”
The villagers all scream
“Kill the child!”
“Don’t allow him to breathe!”
With eyes still closed
and mouth still bare
they take the heir
but show no care
Holding him
They rush to the cliff
“Throw him to the rocks!”
“End this misfit!”
Tears spill over
But all for the Queen
With cold hearts of stone
The boy is let free
His cries echo
Through the dry air
He screams in terror
But it’s to no avail
His body hits the ground
And the cries all stop
Villagers rush back home
Eager to spread news they’ve got
“The child is dead!”
“The cursed is set free!”
“He killed the Queen,
Let him rest in misery!”
Down by the cliff
The boy bleeds dry
Not having time to miss
The life he’d been deprived
In the afterworld
The Queen weeps in shame
“I’m sorry my son
For all of your pain.”
“I can see
My people have been mean.
Was not your fault I died
The blame is on me.”
The boy looks up
Through un-blinking eyes
He doesn’t understand
He can’t even try
The Queen falls to her knees
And holds her boy close
She whispers in his ears
Useless words of comfort
The boy just stares
Wondering what it is he missed
One minute there was light
The next a spiraling pit
He doesn’t know what went wrong
Or understands the lack of pain
He opens his mouth to cry
But finds his voice is slain
Back on earth
The parties run wild
The queen is gone
But so is the demon child
No one feels remorse
Towards the body bleeding below
“Good riddance to the cursed son!”
But all must reap what they sew
Thirteen years pass
With no punishment of the mean
But then the land is struck
With a horrible disease
They boy has grown up
And can now fully understand
He was killed for no reason
He holds revenge in his hands
One by one
The peasants all die
Wondering what went wrong
Why the fates have switched sides
Up in Heaven
Or wherever his soul lies
The boy is striking back
No mercy in his eyes
“This is your punishment
For death of the innocent.
Newborn eyes have been dulled
Because of your ignorance.”
The villagers hear the voice
And beg for mercy
“Save us, blessed son!”
“Please don’t end me!”
The boy smiles evilly
At witness of their despair
“This will be the price you pay
For killing the innocent heir.”
“The only way to save your life
Will be to jump off the cliff.
The plague will not hit you then
But a new end will find itself fit.”
The villagers all thank the son
Not hearing the end of his script
The clever heir with all his knowledge
Remembered to whisper it
With high hopes
And scampering feet
All rush to the cliff
Towards the end they must meet
The boy sits back and laughs
His mom by his side
The villagers all so dumb
Are about to end their own lives
One by one
They jump off the edge
Screaming out in joy
Of the plague they have fled
“Praise the blessed son!”
“Oh holy heir!”
“Our lives you have saved!”
Their eyes all so bright with no signs of despair
Not one lived through
That bloody night
The village was emptied
Not one survived
The boy’s childish body
Lay under it all
A smile that wasn’t there before
On the cold and stiffened corpse
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Review please!
