The Fear

Gender

Points 2829

Reviews 106

Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:19 pm

CuteJackRussell says... · Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:19 pm

The truth hurts more than the scars and burns I behold.
The truth is a dagger the stabs at your heart when you feel pain.
A controlling feeling that makes you do things you wouldn't normally.
The truth is your biggest enemy, the only one you cannot fight.
It's someone looking down on us who decides who we are.
They have more power over us than we have over ourselves.
They are uncontrollable, they cannot be stopped, they are us.
We are them, we are the truth...

Last edited by CuteJackRussell on Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hello,
I doubt you will take the time to look at this signature, you are all busy people and I respect that, but if you do know this. Every bit of criticism on my writing has helped and every bit of advice you have given me has also helped. So thank you, for everything.
From CuteJackRussell xoxox

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Crimsona

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Points 323

Reviews 83

Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:46 pm

Crimsona says... · Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:46 pm

Wow, deep, deep. Brilliantly written; I love the repetition of 'The Truth' and how 'The truth' turns to 'They' and 'They' turns to 'We'. Really powerful 'stuff' you've written there.

I honestly can't find anything wrong apart from that there needs to be a space between the comma and 'they'

They are uncontrollable, they cannot be stopped,they are us.

A lot is left unsaid in the poem and that's why I really like it, nothing much is explained or described only hinted at and it's really intrigued me. Fantastic.

~Crim

Avatar (c) to Thalia - A great friend of mine

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SoggyPoptart

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Points 1512

Reviews 33

Sun Dec 12, 2010 1:32 am

SoggyPoptart says... · Sun Dec 12, 2010 1:32 am

Oooh, nicely written. Although, I have to wonder who are "they" why can't we control them? How do they work? You know every poem has a story whether it's real or not. This is a fine piece of work, just remember leaving even the slightest details out can confuse the writer. I would know (: but other than that, I really liked your poem and continue writing. It's deep, it truly is.

-Soggy

Life isn't like a box of chocolates. Life is more like a jar of Jalapenos, what you do today might burn your rear tomorrow!

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allikat98

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Points 1081

Reviews 3

Sun Dec 12, 2010 2:15 am

allikat98 says... · Sun Dec 12, 2010 2:15 am

Awesome! Kind of sends chills up my spine...

I do agree with Crimsona, though, about the repitition and how "The Truth" takes so many different forms. I also do agree with her about the comma. It is minor, but it is still something

This kind of leaves you with a few questions, and I like the air of mystery.

---Allison---
hey! hola! bonjour! WAZZUP?

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cupcake

Gender

Points 3371

Reviews 61

Sun Dec 12, 2010 3:54 am

cupcake says... · Sun Dec 12, 2010 3:54 am

I love it! Good discription.

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Lunasol21

Gender

Points 1682

Reviews 57

Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:38 pm

Lunasol21 says... · Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:38 pm

CuteJackRussell wrote:The truth hurts more than the scars and burns I behold.
The truth is a dagger that stabs at your heart when you feel pain.
A controlling feeling that makes you do things you wouldn't normally.
The truth is your biggest enemy,
the only one you cannot fight.
It's someone looking down on us
and who decides who we are.
They have more power over us than we have over ourselves.
They are uncontrollable, they cannot be stopped,they are us.
We are them, we are the truth...

I really liked it, just change the structure up in a few places to help the flow. Keep writing!

"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery!" - Jane Austen

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