A Different Kind of Gold

Gold-leaved texts,
susurrous dreams that were
clamorous and beckoning for recognition;
they whispered to me at night,
grasped at me with claws and angel fingers,
and sang to me with their maddening eyes.
They used to drive me to insecurities
voices murmuring to me and reminding me
of all I had not yet accomplished.

But then I met you. And you glowed,
golden yourself, warm like those dreams weren’t,
and dreams of you drowned out all the others with a voice
that made me think of gentle streams and leaves falling to the ground,
that sent sinister thoughts to another place,
somewhere where I’d never stepped foot before.
I still haven’t.
And you shined in me instead, you filled up
that hole where all those turbulent terrors used to reign,
but you healed and molded and gently brought me back together.
And I began to glow too.

hey coral! senorita rosa here to be your reviewer!

so this is my first review in a long time, i'm a bit rusty, so bear with me.

i liked this little piece of yours, especially the first stanza. your imagery was masterfully executed and quite pretty. i loved "angel fingers", although i'm not sure about the contrast with "claws". I suppose i just don't know what you mean by it. it's very sensuous; i can feel the scratch of the claws, the caress of satin skin.

the second stanza i like less, because it didn't fit well into the poem as a whole. the first stanza could almost be a poem in its own right, whereas there didn't seem to be a very good transition into the second half of the piece. it didn't flow as well.

mmm. have me come back later for a better review. this will have to do for now, though.

best of luck to you, dearie!

Sincerely,
Sam

Hi there,
I really enjoyed this poem as a whole, and recurring image of gold. It was very well put-together, so thank you for that. I only have a couple suggestions relating to the flow of the piece.

They used to drive me to insecurities
voices murmuring to me and reminding me
of all I had not yet accomplished.

I would make "insecurities" singular, and would put some sort of punctuation after it.

But then I met you. And you glowed,

I don't like the sudden stop of the period, mostly because I don't like sentences that start with "but." I think a comma would make the piece flow better, but on the flip-side, I understand why you'd want that line to stand out.

and dreams of you drowned out all the others with a voice
that made me think of gentle streams and leaves falling to the ground,
that sent sinister thoughts to another place,
somewhere where I’d never stepped foot before.
I still haven’t.

I struck out the bits of this stanza I don't think you really need. Unless that idea of this abstract place you've never travelled to is important to you, I'd cut it out, because it deviates from the golden themes. If you want to keep it, I'd suggest delineating it a bit more.

And you shined in me instead(I would put a semi-colon here instead of a comma you filled up
that hole where all those turbulent terrors used to reign,
but (I think "and" would be a better conjunction here)you healed and molded and gently brought me back together(once again, I think a comma here would help the flow, but I understand if you want to keep the period to make the next line stand out)
And ("So" would also be a good conjunction here)I began to glow too.

Wow, that was a lot more than I was meaning to say . I hope that something I said is constructive. As is, I love this poem. It's beautifully written, unique, and memorable. Thanks for sharing!

I like the emotion and the feeling you put in there! It's great! There were good metaphors too. Keep writing!

I loved, loved this poem, especially the imagery. I thought the contrast of "claws and angel fingers" was brilliant, as well as the singing with the maddening eyes. The entire first stanza is very dark and sort of begins that idea of madness and emptiness within the narrator, but I think you could definitely use a stronger word than "insecurities"--you've used such vivid language throughout, 'insecurities' seems almost weak.

However, the second stanza is definitely my favorite, especially the first line: "But then I met you. And you glowed.." It's as if we see how "you" jars the narrator's world. It might be awkward, but that awkwardness is perfect. I love the glowing, the gold, and the drowning; I think the only awkward line is "that made me think of gentle streams and leaves falling to the ground." Are streams and leaves really all it takes to banish the narrator's dark thoughts? And is that really all the golden person's voice sounds like? I think you can definitely find a stronger line--your voice and the way you use the language is amazing. The rest of the poem is great--I loved "turbulent terrors", & "And I began to glow too."

Amazing poem. Thank you for sharing.