Conversation

i no its gonna be small and some may think its stupid but its my poem so oh well

[b][i]Hey you yes you we need to talk
On the past,present,and future
Just you and me I just need to talk
So how have you been I been fine this life just cant be boreing enough
So hows you Job me still I have not got a job but looking looking away
the friendships are good and my body quite heathly
or did you know it my birthday today on this day of march 17th
so when this conversation turnout to be about me
goodbye farewell lets not dwell this conversation has to end.

I think you should develop this a lot more. I mean, it could go on to discuss some other things, but it just... ends. There's really not much that can be said about it...

It ain't got a thing goin' for it.

Firstly - grammar.

Hey you yes you we need to talk

Where are the commas that make this readable? Think about how you would say this out loud; you would have a break (comma) both times after "you."

On the past,present,and future

You haven't ended your last line with a full-stop, so this probably shouldn't be a capital letter. In actual fact, I think you've just missed the full-stops: don't do that, make sure they are where they're needed.
You need spaces after your commas.

Just you and me I just need to talk

Again, where's the comma that should be after "me" ?


The thing is, it just isn't poetry. It's not the length: I've seen great three line poems. It's not even really the lack of grammar, because that can be corrected - I was just showing you what you're missing so that you'll put in proper punctuation in future. It's the fact that there is absolutely no poetic content in this. Structure, meter, rhyme, rhythm, endstopping and enjambemant... these are the most basic of poetic techniques, and you will be hard pressed to get away without using most of them.

What you've done is written a sentance, stuck two lines breaks in it and called it a poem. It isn't. Writing a poem this short is probably more difficult than writing something longer, because you have to cram all the information into a very few lines. This hasn't got anything crammed into it; it hasn't got anything at all.

If you are honestly interested in writing poetry, take this to heart: you CANNOT keep writing ordinary lines and breaking them up: that's *not* poetry. Read poems; read books on poety; ask you English teacher, but learn what actually makes a poem, because all the indicators I've seen say that you're trying to write without really knowing what you're doing.