Young Writers Society


These Words Don't Fit

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Gender Female
Points 6396
Reviews 273
I find that words don’t seem to fit
In the gaps between our fingers and
Underneath my wasted spaces like
The crinkles around my eyes and mouth –
And here we go again with mouths.

Yours, my dear, makes lovely music
That tickles my ears and turns my head
And floors me so for once I can’t
Trip over myself as you sweep past
And sweep me off my fragile feet.

Your voice I would gladly listen to
For hours and hours without end;
My memory would never serve me right,
So I’m forced to wait until tomorrow
When it plays across my brain again.

And what are mouths if not for joining
In too-precious seconds of darkness,
Soft around the edges, the vignette
Of an abstract I don’t quite understand.
So let me feel just one more brushstroke

Of fingertips around my jaw, under my chin,
Laced through my hair and arcing down
My arms, my back, my flustered cheek,
And leave my skin humming a song
With music notes etched in deep.

These scribbles don’t seem right to me:
Struggled excuses to pin you down
And justify the pandemonium
That leaves me at a loss for words.
So I’ll have to settle for just three.
"You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them."




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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 2
Oh wow. I really loved this. Really describes being in love and all that beautifully. It really traps the reader. Very relatable. And I actually checked and I can't fault it except for this one line at the end of the third verse.
When it plays across my brain again.
It was just too long for me. But I'm no poetry expert so don't even bother about it.
I loved it. (:

I just realised your only fifteen! Now you're really talented as far as I'm concerned. It must be great to be able to write so well, so young.




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Gender Female
Points 1626
Reviews 106
I'm not a huge fan of poetry, but I found myself reading this mindlessly. The words flowed really well. I liked the second and third stanzas best. You did a really good job describing things without flat out stating, " We kissed". I realize that I didn't have any crytism in here, but hey, having someone compliment you is always nice.
Light one candle instead of cursing the darkness.




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Gender Female
Points 28467
Reviews 675
Hey Pen! Haha, I was actually going to review this earlier but got distracted in study hall when I had to go to band.

So, I’m going to start off right away that your imagery always makes may “oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, pa pa pa poker face, pa pa poker face.” I need to stop listening to music when I review. Haha. You understand what I’m saying, though, right? I love it.

The crinkles around my eyes and mouth –
And here we go again with mouths.


The problem I have here is the repetition of mouth. I don’t know if there’s a way to really get rid of it (repetition really irks me for some reason) but I wonder if the first mouth couldn’t be “lips.” I don’t know. I just had to point it out.

Yours, my dear, makes lovely music
That tickles my ears and turns my head
And floors me so for once I can’t


Okay, this has me a little confused but it’s probably nothing or something I’m missing. The verbs in bold are all for plural subjects but what does he have more than one of that are making you “make,” “tickle,” and “floor?” (that was a very odd sentence.)

And leave my skin humming a song


Within the context, the “and leave” sounds odd to my ears. But “leaving” keeps the rhythm and meaning. Maybe it’s just me. It’s not something you would have to change.

That leaves me at a loss for words.
So I’ll have to settle for just three.


I have good and bad here. Bad being that this last line is a sentence all its own which makes me hate you (but only a little) for staring a sentence with ‘so’ and it seems like such an awkward way to end…with just one sentence. *cough* comma after ‘words’ *cough*


I do love this poem though. You’ve managed to create something wonderful and vivid about just a kiss (albeit a very sensual sounding kiss) and I love that. *presses like*
There isn’t much I can find wrong in this, nothing at all aside from that handful of picks. Your flow is perfect and clean and the word choice is to kill over.
*high five*
That’s how we do!
Never forget who you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.




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Points 83957
Reviews 1464
Okay! I. am here.

Fluteluvr77 says aww!

And so does Jabber.

This was a very cute poem! I liked it. I thought your use of words was excellent. The variety of verbs and adjectives used really brought out the picture better than one would think. I've a couple things to mention. I'm not sure how dependable my advice will be, but it'll give you something to think about anyway. :D

Yours, my dear, makes lovely music
That tickles my ears and turns my head
And floors me so for once I can’t
Trip over myself as you sweep past
And sweep me off my fragile feet.


Dunno if this was on purpose, but the last two lines I had to reread maybe two or three times before finally deciding to continue. xD The repetition is partially annoying, and since you've got an awesome vocabulary to back you up, I think it would be lovely to replace one of these words with something else.

Now, overall, I tried to pick at your poem in so many ways so I could maybe possibly kinda find something to pick at. Hooowever, I'm having a really hard time! I can identify something I didn't quite like though, and that was the first verse. Granted, it sounds very pretty! Buuut I don't think it actually makes sense. The speaker can't find words to fit in the "gaps", which is where I get stuck. The rest of the poem describes the physical being while that first verse refers to nothingness. *dizzy* Hopefully that made a little sense. I like how eyes and mouths are mentioned again later in the poem. I just don't like that gap, crinkle, wasted space thing. I thought the poem was at a loss for finding words to describe the moment, not the nothingness.

I do like how the poem is not like a list of things the speaker could describe the moment with and then later say none of them work. That's just silly to me. Here, the speaker seems to at first attempt to find words.. and then at the end, they say there really isn't an accurate way. This I like. It seems much more natural rather than a laundry list.

*unhelpful* That's really all I can think of saying! I thought this was really well-written. And if I know where your inspiration came from, this poem just got a whole lot cuter. ;)

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!
I make my own policies.




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Points 6396
Reviews 273
Thank you all so much.
And hehe, Jabbsies ^^ I showed it to him and he got that "Oh em gee" look on his face and said he loved it. Then he kissed me. =]
"You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them."




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Points 2122
Reviews 43
This isn't a review, more like a big "Oh. Em. GEE!" that I kinda had to share with you. I think I'll print this poem out and stick it in my Collection of Awesomeness, which is basically the biggest compliment I can give you (short of pretending I wrote it, which I'd never do).

So, um, yeah. It was very very amazing :D
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.-Japanese Proverb




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Gender Female
Points 10701
Reviews 356
Hey Pen! Quick review, not much to say.

As Lily and Jabbs have said, the repetition is sort of annoying.

And here we go again with mouths.

I actually don't like this line, not only for the repetition, but because it sounds... too whiny? The rest of the stanzas are lyrical and have a more grown up feeling to it, while this screams teenager to me.

Nonetheless, this poem was lovely as all yours, Pen ;D The imagery is so... there! Another petty thing to complain about would be the capitalized first words of every sentence, but that's probably just me ^^'

Forgive my short and not so helpful review, haven't done this in a while.
- Kat <3
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don't spell it. You feel it.

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Gender Female
Points 1682
Reviews 57
The language you use almost makes the poem palpable. I especially love the first stanza; the poem approaches love in a creative way. Your use of imagery was superb! Great poem!
"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery!" - Jane Austen




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Gender Female
Points 2001
Reviews 45
Loved it! This has great imagery, and I really, really like the last line. But what I really want to say is it's soooo cute!!! I loved it! :D
Life can be amazing if your slightly strange




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Gender Male
Points 2072
Reviews 16
I liked this part:


I find that words don’t seem to fit
In the gaps between our fingers and
Underneath my wasted spaces like
The crinkles around my eyes and mouth –
And here we go again with mouths.

Yours, my dear, makes lovely music
That tickles my ears and turns my head
And floors me so for once I can’t
Trip over myself as you sweep past
And sweep me off my fragile feet.

Your voice I would gladly listen to
For hours and hours without end;
My memory would never serve me right,
So I’m forced to wait until tomorrow
When it plays across my brain again.

And what are mouths if not for joining
In too-precious seconds of darkness,
Soft around the edges, the vignette
Of an abstract I don’t quite understand.
So let me feel just one more brushstroke

Of fingertips around my jaw, under my chin,
Laced through my hair and arcing down
My arms, my back, my flustered cheek,
And leave my skin humming a song
With music notes etched in deep.

These scribbles don’t seem right to me:
Struggled excuses to pin you down
And justify the pandemonium
That leaves me at a loss for words.
So I’ll have to settle for just three.


Haha. Keep it up, everythings been said that i could have said.
Why was I born with such contemporaries?

- Oscar Wilde




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Gender Female
Points 648
Reviews 88
Your writing is simply beautiful.
It was not to long at all!
Do not listen to any negative comments!
Of course we get points by our comments, and negative comments are longer therefore more points for us!
But it was divine and it was a pleasure to read it!
If you prick us, shall we not bleed?
If you tickle us, shall we not laugh?
If you poison us, shall we not die?
If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?
The Merchants of Venice-Shakespear
Love the life u live,
and live the life u love




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1072
Reviews 63
oooo this has got romance twisted in i really like this poem it's good really good i enjoyed reading it, you should carry on writting stuff like this! Brill improvement: ermm not much o can really say just maybe add something extra to make it personal to you!



Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday