Devil

A sweet, pitiful face is all that they see,
I know the awful truth.
Behind that mask,
Lies the face of a stubborn, mean bully.


Whenever I stand near I sense trouble.
Something changes...
It weaves around the air in strong unbeatable packs.
Coiling around me and pulling me closer.

I want to run but I can't.
She has already locked my escape.
Why can't I escape?
Why is it so,so hard.

If looks could kill I would be lying lifelessly on the floor.
Like I'd been attacked by a bear,
Cursed by a demon,
Stabbed by a dagger.

And no one would ever notice,
no one, no one at all...

A sweet, pitiful face is what they all see,
But I know the truth. I don't think you need but
Because behind that mask, I don't think you need because
Lies the face of a stubborn, mean bully.

A cold-hearted liar,
Whenever I stand near I sense trouble.
It weaves around the air in strong unbeatable packs.
Coiling around me and pulling me closer.

I want to run but I can't,
she has already sealed my only way to escape.
Why can't I escape,
why is it so,so hard.

If looks could kill I would be lying lifelessly on the floor, I love this line
like I'd been attacked by a bear,
cursed by a demon,
stabbed by a dagger.

And no one would notice,
no one, no one at all.......Only need three dots ...

I really like your poem well done!

CuteJackRussell wrote:A sweet, pitiful face is what they all see, Consider changing it to 'is all that they see'
I know the awful truth.
Behind that mask,
Lies the face of a stubborn, mean bully.

A cold-hearted liar, This line doesn't connect or flow right with the next one..
Whenever I stand near I sense trouble.
It weaves around the air in strong unbeatable packs.
Coiling around me and pulling me closer.

I want to run but I can't,
she has already sealed my only way to escape.
Why can't I escape, Using escape twice doesn't seem to fit in the flow.
why is it so,so hard. Either empthasize or leave out the second 'so'

If looks could kill I would be lying lifelessly on the floor,
like I'd been attacked by a bear,
cursed by a demon,
stabbed by a dagger.

And no one would notice,
no one, no one at all.......

Okay, this was an interesting poem and yes I did indeed like it. Though the punctuation definitely needs some tending to and the lines would work better if they were more symmetrical. I did like it but I feel as though you have a greater potential to push more emotion through that poem!

Keep up with the writing!
Mysty.

I love this.
Like, everybody hides behind a mask?
That;s the sense that I get out of this, anyway.
I love it xxx

Wow! I thought you were a really good writer. You proved me wrong. You're a REALLY REALLYREALLY GOOD writer!!!!!!!

i realy like your poem.