Hi! Real nice poem but the only thing I have a nit pick about is how many ... you use ( sorry can't think of the word for them) using a comma would be just as effective.
The surface is slippery and the Earth is round. At the unexpected stumble feet are lifted from ground I love this line and there is no more... But the end to the stanza seems unfinished
Overall a great poem but could use some revising good luck!
A hero isn’t defined by winning. Loads of heroes die in the effort. Most of them never get any recognition. No, a hero is just somebody who does the right thing when it would be far, far easier to do nothing.
Good poem! The first stanza drags a bit at the commas, and as such seems at odds with the rest; perhaps eliminate the first two and replace them with dashes. You lack prepositions in places, but I feel like that improves your flow, so don't bother with adding them. Add a comma after 'comments' in the third stanza. The way the last two lines are worded and punctuated, it appears that you 'life after death' is literally being prepared. Not sure if that's the intent - clear up either in reading or presenting.
Overall, I liked it quite a bit, it's kinda vague, has cool imagery, great job!
Formerly 'ilyaeelz.' Others experiment with drugs. I experiment with punctuation and grammar.
"Research your own experiences for the truth, absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is specifically your own." - Bruce Lee
