Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Spoiler

This is based off a Green Day song and I'm also writing a novel based off the song so that's why it's called Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Boulevard of Broken Dreams
I wander through the dark,
Dreams searing through my mind.

This eternal hell of nightmares,
What humans dread and fear.
I can never escape this devil’s lair,
I am banished to this boulevard,
The Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Awesome, Nixy!! Me thinks i know what the inspiration for this is

I love the part 'I am banished to this boulevard, the Boulevard of Broken Dreams' !!! I just wish it were a bit longer . . .

It is a little sketchy that you are steeling the name of a Green Day song.
Other then that I liked it.

I sort of like this poem in a way, but it's too vague, and I'm not one to say that as I love vague poetry that leaves the imagination to wander. Also you stole the name from my favorite greenday song and that's kinda sketchy, like the person above me mentioned......try rewriting a little maybe to make it a little less stolen?

Boulevard of Broken Dreams
I wander through the dark,
Dreams searing through my mind.

This eternal hell of nightmares,
What humans dread and fear.
I can never escape this devil’s lair,
I am banished to this boulevard,
The Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

I lie long poems but this is quite good I like it but maybe change the name as it is kind of coping the green day song apart fro mthat I quite like it well done.

I knew this was from a song !!!! It was very well written and the only thing is the fact that you have two lines and then four (Maybe three and three). And anyways I wont criticize on the length because that is entirely up to you. Hope this helped a little bit.


-lilgreendots

Guess who's here to review?

Okay, first impressions, I really like this It's short, but very well written and very strong. Quality beats quantity any day I also actually really like the two/four linear scheme, I think it fits well with the poem. The first lines hook me in and the second lines spin the story.
Now, to critiques:

First, I don't really like the title, taking it from a Green Day song isn't very creative, and I know you can write well and creatively, looking at the poem below. So be original!

1 wander through the dark,
Dreams searing through my mind. I really like these lines, they draw me in and I think they're very strong standing alone.

This eternal hell of nightmares,
What humans dread and fear. Again, I like these lines, I think they give an answer to the kind of dreams, because in the first lines you don't explain whether these are good, bad, or simply old and sad dreams. Now I know they're dragging the character through hell. If you wanted to make it longer, maybe you could go into a little more detail and explain what haunts your character, what his/her idea of hell is?
I can never escape this devil’s lair,
I am banished to this boulevard,This makes me think of a kind of purgatory, where the character has to go over his sins and bad choices for all eternity. It makes me really want to know what he's done, what stalks his dreams!
The Boulevard of Broken Dreams. This is the only line I don't like. It seems a little bit like cheating to take this line. Use songs to inspire you, but please don't take them directly from them.

Anyways, overall I really liked it, so thank you for posting it!
Hope this helps you
Vampyre

I enjoyed this, despite the fact your title of choice share's a name with a song I don't personally like.
But that's irrelevant keep up the goodwork!!

Hmm. I'm not one to criticizes, but I was actually kind of bothered by this poem.
First of all, the name. You may have wanted to choose something.. more your own.
Second, I'm regularly a huge fan of vague poetry, but this is just a little too vague for me.
We have no idea what your problem is, or what's happening to you. You're simply just "banished to the boulevard of broken dreams".
I realize that poetry isn't the equivalence to a short story, but they usually require somewhat of a plot..

I agree with everyone who said this is too vague. If you are just writing for yourself, that isn't an issue, but since you posted it online I assume you would like it to be something other people can appreciate as well. In that case, when you are writing, you should keep your audience in mind and ask yourself whether or not somebody who knows nothing about you could figure out what the poem is talking about and find it meaningful. As an audience member, I could relate to some of what you said, but because it was so vague I could only relate vaguely, and in such general terms it did not seem very meaningful. I don't think you necessarily need a story, as one reviewer said, but you certainly need something more. This could mean telling us a story, or it could just mean expanding what you've written so you have enough space to thoroughly describe your feelings. At the moment, you have a fairly generic description of some sort of internal hell, but no explanation of why you feel that way, or even how you feel like you are in hell. Anyway, I hope this is helpful. I'm not trying to be mean, only to give you an idea of how you could change your poetry to appeal to an audience more.

As for the title, everybody who has replied seems to think that you stole it from the Green Day song. Perhaps that is the case. I'd just like to point out that the term "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" is used to describe Sunset Boulevard, and there have been many songs before Green Day's that had the same title. The first of which, as far as I'm aware, was written in 1934 by Al Dubin. It is perhaps most famous today through the recordings and performances of Tony Bennett. So, don't be so hasty to give Green Day credit.

I like this
It reminds me of me...
xxx

It was good it could be a little more descriptive but i liked it. I liked the grammar and i could relate to it.