Impulse

Spoiler

Hey guys, I'm only new to this, my first story to be posted! i'm not sure if it's any good but let me know what you think of it! The story of a young girl running away on the morning of her wedding day.. with another man hehe let me know anyway ** DreamyNiamhy** =) XxX <3

Anyone can catch your eye but it takes someone special to catch your heart

The sun was starting to rise on the horizon; the cold air hit her face as she opened the window, all around her the morning seemed so calm, so peaceful. She was engulfed by the sweet scent of moss and pine. The whispering wind rustled the leaves of the proud sycamore tree. Clouds crept unexpectedly, filling the pale sky with cotton companions of the imagination. Her mouth twitched into a smile that fit her face as a hand fits a glove. Her palms were sweating, her pulse racing, she wasn't sure what she was doing or where she was going but she knew it felt right. His soft hand comforted hers; her stomach was aching with guilt: guilt for running away, guilt for leaving her Finace on their wedding day, guilt for leaving him for another man.

She knew she had felt love for her husband to be over the past few years but it wasn't true love, it didn't feel exciting and that's all she ever longed for; adventure, excitement, impulse. Love isn't about thinking, it's doing what feels right. She looked up at the man she was running away with, his perfect hazel eyes looked reassuringly back at her. he held her closer in his arms and whispered warmly on her cheek, "I love you." She had tingles flying through her veins, her heart seemed to stop but yet get faster. "I love you too," she quietly whispered back, and she meant it. She knew she was going to break her Finance's heart but for once in her life her heart felt fuller than ever.

She knew running away with this man would be right. He was the perfect man for her. The man of her dreams. The best man.

Hello and Welcome to YWS! I'm Nike, PM me aytime wth anything. So, your story is great, but I'm lost.
What's going on exactly?
Did she just run away from her wedding?
That's all really. But other than that *a round of applause* Amazing! I love the description and pretty much everything.
Keep Writing!
Nike

Hi there!
It's late here, so I'll be brief!
1) It's spelt as 'fiance'
2) Your story/scene is not too shabby! However, for such 'drama', a lengthier piece would be better, because what you've done is condensed it, cutting out a lot of action. It's like eating a biscuit and not feeling full
3) Your descriptive skills are good, all you need to do is work on expanding the story, even if you don't plan to make a novel out of it

Keep on writing and feel free to PM me if you need help!
~Meep(:

I love this, but you need to add more on, this is too short. Some of your discriptions were confusing and hard to understand. Here are some questions that need to be answered when you add on: Why is she with her fiance if she doesnt love him? How did she meet the "best" man? What are all three of their names? Where are they running away too? Other than that I think it was a really good story with a dramatizing plot that people will LOVE (:.

Hiya! I'm here to review, as promised.

The sun was starting to rise on the horizon; the cold air hit her face as she opened the window, all around her the morning seemed so calm, so peaceful.

You might want to chop this sentence up, the flow is weird and it's dragging. Most likely, I'd insert a period after window and start a new sentence with the morning part.

Her palms were sweating, her pulse racing, she wasn't sure what she was doing or where she was going but she knew it felt right. His soft hand comforted hers; her stomach was aching with guilt: guilt for running away, guilt for leaving her Finace on their wedding day, guilt for leaving him for another man.

*Fiance
Also, this bit kind of reminds me of my own story...slightly (actually a part I haven't written yet xD)
Anyway, I think your wording is nice and so is your description.

he held her closer in his arms and whispered warmly on her cheek, "I love you."

Capitalize 'he' since it's the beginning of a new sentence. Also, there should not be a comma after cheek because there is no dialogue tag.



I did like this story, it's got some interesting potential. However, the idea of a woman running away and leaving her Fiance for someone else is cliche and done a lot but you managed to hold that little spark of feeling. All we need to do now is deepen it and make it more exciting to read. Your words were actually quite good and with more practice, I can see you becoming quite the writer. What we need to work on is punctuation and some grammar to keep your story looking professional and clean - that won't take long to achieve.

As for your characters, the scene is too short for me to really dig deep into them and figure out what they want and what their emotions are. You've got the love down and the guilt down but I would have liked to see some more. What was her fiance like? Who is this hazel-eyed man and why did she choose him over the other guy? He made her feel alive, okay but what else? What really connects your two lovers here? I think, as others have already mentioned before me, you could take some time to lengthen this. Perhaps start from the very beginning, when she first decides to run away and then work from all that to this ending. That would create some more drama and interest to hook the readers, right now this is a just a scene, something I would read while opening up to a random page in a novel and that's not enough. We want more than that.

So overall, I see some potential in your writing and I think you could go further. Keep working and let me know if you have any questions. ^^

Cheers,
-Shear