Golden Wings- chapter 6 part 1

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When I got home, Mom wasn’t there but there was a big pile of flyers from her work on the counter with a yellow post it on top. It read: Hi baby, can you pass this out, please? Same as last time. You’re an angel!
I sighed, plucked it up, and crumpled it in my palm. She didn’t really leave me any choice.

I loaded my arms with as much flyers as I could carry and inserted my earphones in my ears, walking out the door. I walked up to the first door, dropped the paper in the mailbox and went to the second one. It was such a tedious job. I concentrated on the music playing in my ears, only that and nothing else. The bass, loud thumping noise, and the voice, whiny, was scratching through me. I let the wind ruffle through my hair, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. This was the only thing I was thinking of; keep on walking, the road is almost to the cliff. I didn’t want to think about anything else.

In thirty minutes, I was already done with half of the work.

I had a fresh load of flyers in my arms and making my way to the next street, when I saw the moving truck parked in front of the big white mansion. It was the family, just moving in their new, beautiful home. There were a couple of big guys moving back and forth between the house and the truck, carrying boxes and big pieces of furniture.

I looked closely as I walked up to their neighbors’ house, my eyes widening as I saw the big commotion in front of the door. Jake, Lillian, and some of their friends were standing there talking with a teenage boy of about our age. He must have been the new kid. They probably had all gathered to welcome him to the neighborhood. I took a shaky breath before making my way up the driveway, trying with all my strength to keep my feet moving, my eyes leveled, my face composed, but my insides were squirming like earthworms.

They all stopped talking when they saw me; it seemed the silence pressed on my chest with its weight. I locked my jaw, concentrating on the window behind the little group, avoiding any eye contact.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something moving at lightning speed and striking me on the side. At the same time, I stepped on an icy surface and my feet slipped from under me. I fell on my back hard, the papers flying everywhere around me.

I stayed unmoving for a few seconds, dazed, hearing the chuckles around me. I knew he wouldn’t let me pass that easily. The pain was pulsing through me, the blood rushing to my head. I got up slowly, making sure not to cringe and give him the pleasure of knowing he hurt me. Looking up, I saw the new kid, looking uneasy. He made a move to help me but Jake stopped him, bending down, like he was going to help me, but I knew better. He popped one of my earphones out of my ear, sliding his hand up my thigh, to my hip and then down and grabbed my ass. I halted, my heart beating insanely fast in my chest, my stomach clenching painfully.

He pressed his lips against my ear, “Hi there, baby”.

His voice sent shivers down my spine and just like that, he released me, straightening up like nothing happened. I looked around me but no one seemed to have noticed anything; it happened too fast. I grabbed my papers fast, eager to get away from them, from everything. I was running down to the street, all I could hear was the loud laughter coming from the little group, looking back, only to see the new kid laughing with Jake, looking right at me. I picked up my step, feeling my stomach clench again, threatening to reject all my day’s meal.

My head was pounding by the time I got home, tears streaming my face. I needed something to distract me. I ran to my room, slamming the door behind me and opened a drawer, spilling its contents onto my bed. I scattered them, searching for the knife that I had put there.

Spoiler
Part two to be coming, but it might be graphic, sorry for the cutting guys, it's part of the character..
Last edited by TheTruthLiesWithin on Mon Dec 06, 2010 11:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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TheTruthLiesWithin wrote:When I got home, momif you're refering to her like Shelli or something capital Mom wasn’t there but there was a big pile of flyers from her work on the counter with a yellow post it on top. It read: Hi baby, can you pass this out, please? Same as last time. You’re an angel!
I sighed, plucked it up, and crumpled it in my palm. She didn’t really leave me any choice.

I loaded my arms with as much flyers as I could carry and inserted my earphones in my ears, walking out the door. I walked up to the first door, dropped the paper in the mailbox and went to the second one. It was such a tedious job. I concentrated on the music playing in my ears, only that and nothing else. The bass, loud thumping noise, and the voice, whiny, was scratching through me. I let the wind ruffle through my hair, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. This was the only thing I was thinking of; keep on walking, the road is almost to the cliff. I didn’t want to think about anything else.

In thirty minutes, I had already done half of with not ofthe work.

I had a fresh load of flyers in my arms and making my way to the next street, when I saw the moving truck parked in front of the big white mansion. It was the family, just moving in their new, beautiful home. There were a couple of big guys moving back and forth between the house and the truck, carrying boxes and big pieces of furniture.

I looked closely as I walked up to their neighbors’ house, my eyes widening as I saw the big commotion in front of the door. Jake, Lillian commaand some of their friends were standing there talking with a teenage boy of about our age. He must have been the new kid. They probably had all gathered to welcome him to the neighborhood. I took a shaky breath before making my way up the driveway, trying with all my strength to keep my feet moving, my eyes leveled, my face composed, but my insides were squirming like earthworms.

They all stopped talking when they saw me; it seemed the silence pressed on my chest with its weight. I locked my jaw, concentrating on the window behind the little group, avoiding any eye contact.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something moving at lightning speed and striking me on the side. At the same time, I stepped on an icy surfacecomma? and my feet slipped from under me. I fell on my back hard, the papers flying everywhere around me.

I stayed unmoving for a few seconds, dazed, hearing the chuckles around me. I knew he wouldn’t let me pass that easily. The pain was pulsing through me, the blood rushing to my head. I got up slowly, making sure not to cringe and give him the pleasure of knowing he hurt me. Looking up, I saw the new kid, looking uneasy. He made a move to help me but Jake stopped him, bending down, like he was going to help me, but I knew better. He popped one of my earphones out of my ear, sliding his hand up my thigh, to my hip and then down and grabbed my ass. I halted, my heart beating insanely fast in my chest, my stomach clenching painfully.

He pressed his lips against my ear, “hicapital H there, baby”.

His voice sent shivers down my spine and just like that, he released me, straightening up like nothing happened. I looked around me but no one seemed to have noticed anything; it happened too fast. I grabbed my papers fast, eager to get away from them, from everything. I was running down to the street, all I could hear was the loud laughter coming from the little group, looking back, only to see the new kid laughing with Jake, looking right at me. I picked up my step, feeling my stomach clench again, threatening to reject all my day’s meal.

My head was pounding by the time I got home, tears streaming my face. I needed something to distract me. I ran to my room, slamming the door behind me and opened a drawer, spilling its contents onto my bed. I scattered them, searching for the knife that I had put there.

Spoiler
Part two to be coming, but it might be graphic, sorry for the cutting guys, it's part of the character..

Overall? Great, just as good as the last chapters, if not better. I found few, very few mistakes:) which makes it easy to edit. Haha. Jenn oh and PM me when part 2 is up :)
when you grow up you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and isnt wearing a black cape and easy to spot Lots of Love Jenn




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Review Part 6... I think.

Ugh, that guy is a jerk - .- But if your intention was to make him dislikable, then you did it well.

I like the subtle details that add to character, like keeping a knife in her bedroom drawer - and the reason she went for that one in particular instead of one from the kitchen which would have been more practical. It makes me wonder a lot about why this one comes as a comfort, and what her nightmares are about after all.

Also, the word 'probably,' when refering to Jake and his friends welcoming the new kid. The uncertainty works really well.

I can't think of anything else to critique about this except that it does seem a little short. So, onto part two.
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