thegilliangill wrote:I know it isn't very good, and I am hopless at rhyme, but I wanted to do something that fitted perfectly with the weather right now!
Delicate little flakes,
so beautifully they flutter, I think this line was awkward and if your gonna add it in there word it diff.
they seem naturally harmless
unless they’re in a cluster.
They float about gently,
and lay upon the land,
covering all the streets,
like the sea does with the sand.
They excite all the children
and give them something to do
as everyone goes to build snowmen
and drag their parents out too!
Delicate little flakes,
so beautifully they flutter,- this seems a bit.. awkward to say. Maybe you could say something entirely different, or try to reword it so that it rhymes better, or doesn't sounds as uncomfortable in the stanza.
they seem naturally harmless
unless they’re in a cluster.
This whole stanza sort of confuses up the whole poem.
They float about gently,- this a a bit redundant, referring to how you already said the flutter beautifully.
and lay upon the land,
covering all the streets,
like the sea does with the sand.-(or the sand does the beach, or the sea?)
They excite all the children
and give them something to do
as everyone goes to build snowmen
and drag their parents out ,too!
and creates a true winter and christmas feeling Rhyming isn't so hard xxx
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