Young Writers Society


in duplicate

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(note: a lot of the white space used in this poem did not show up when posted.)

This is your category:
Staking out campfires on the
waiting, like bricks obscuring confidences
of homeless boys in leather shoes.

Scribble love letters on paper plates,
burn them when finished,
finish before you begin
and skip step one, like worthless cretin on old bread,
forget to be eaten.

Make a house out of butcher paper
watch soda tabs hail onto blacktops, and paint
it's a new home
paint it with carbon dioxide dyed brown, making packing paper
stained teeth, rotted out, flesh sick of 'the moral high-ground'
make the dwelling into an envelope
send to tooth fairy, hope for quarters.
This weight is ineligible.

Reach, like she did
and remember that the Eid al-Adha printed on recyclable paper
begins at sundown
you were too busy making love that day.
Meld into time, forget existence
existentialism
existentialist—through anecdotal evidence
be saved by God.

Discover that the only way to win is to spill
like soup, the cloaked woman's soul
through means of blue dry erase makers
the way we came when our fringe was cut straight across
remember what she stole
never forgive.

This is your category.
Did you forget?

With packing tape send out confirmations,
everything lost inside a photon,
quantized,
in sets of two, because nothing left, waiting
nothing else, remember
broken hearts must be sent in duplicate.
Last edited by ina on Fri Dec 03, 2010 6:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." -- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five




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Points 3590
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The poetry was intense and i have to say that even i was lost somewhere in the level of vocabulary used.
Some points didn't make any sense like, "Staking out campfires on the waiting...." and there were some punctuation marks as well my advice i you to recheck your poem.

Hope i helped

Yours Truly
- Stephene
Message me if you want to talk :)




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Points 1341
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Hey Stephene,

Which punctuation marks were you talking about?

Thanks for the feedback,

Ina
"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." -- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five




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Points 827
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Wow, very intense. I love that. :)




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Gender Female
Points 1341
Reviews 8
GoaGreena wrote:Wow, very intense. I love that. :)


Thank you. (:
"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." -- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five




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Points 1040
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I'm not going to act like I get exactly what this poem is trying to state or project, but it was very enjoyable to read. I liked it a lot. There was a bunch of impressive vocabulary and phrases.

It's interesting.



I just want to be the side character in a book that basically steals the whole series.
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